Tuesday, December 30, 2003

nia



nia (purpose)
to make our collective vocation the building and developing of our community in order to restore our people to their traditional greatness.

what's your purpose? and how will your purpose effect a collective black community?

we celebrating kwanzaa here
been all around the net and only few to none blogs are in support of kwanzaa. i've seen numerous in the spirit of karastmas......insight please?

someone brought to mind that celebrating kwanzaa is almost as ridiculous as celebrating karastmas. their argument was that most of the sistas and brothas who celebrate it are not sincere..also suggested that karenga(founder of kwanzaa) is a sellout....or suggesting that those who always impose afrocentric ideas are really doing it as a means to get status(.) which brings to mind something i threw out on the OK discussion board- apathy and it's affects on black minds.

i'm going to cut this short for now. please check back for my: nigga's and apathy rant.

tambiko

Saturday, December 27, 2003

kujichagulia



kujichagulia (self-determination)
to define ourselves, name ourselves, create for ourselves and speak for ourselves.

what does self determination mean to you? anyone even observing kwanzaa this year? speak up!


celebrate!

Tuesday, December 23, 2003

news and rants...

just a few thangs i wanna touch on......



up first i'd like to ask what is all the hoopla concerning the statements Ms. Hill made at the Vatican Concert? i for one saw the importance of what she had to say. some believe that there's a time and place for all things....true. all things in moderation. what exactly is a good time to put the vatican on full blast? well let me clarify that, what would've been a better time to bring out issues that have been brought to light out in the publics veiw??? i say big ups to lauryn for having the balls to confront this situation.....peep some of the comments i noticed:

Comments & Trackbacks
"Comments? Anyone? Bueller? Anyone?" (80 comments & pings so far)
Comment 1 posted by Sandra Smallson on December 15, 2003 08:02 AM:

I'm appalled by Ms Hill's behaviour. She is no saint herself. This self righteous behavior needs to be curtailed by people in this world. Ofcourse it is deplorable what some, I repeat, SOME priests seem to be doing to Altar boys etc. What I am sure is annoying to a lot of people is that nothing is being done to the pedophiles, the church in the eyes of many does not seem to be taking action. Well, the church is caught b/w a rock and a hard place. How can they preach forgiveness and judgment is for God, and then proceed not to forgive these priests and judge them?

Why exactly did Ms hill agree to perform for such an audience if she was so appalled by their behaviour? She could have refused to perform and read her statement at that point. I am not defending the behaviour of the priests and bishops but I do not think I am in any position to be throwing stones at anybody when I've got my own sins to worry about. Nobody ever knows what these priests are up to but they will answer to their God. If you go to mass, the fact that the priest might be a pedophile does not tarnish the sacred nature of the mass you have attended, it tarnishes the priest and the priest alone.

I think Lauryn Hill should not have attended the event at all if she had such strong views about the vatican and using that opportunity to attack the vatican is just daft. Is she even catholic?

(See other comments from the same name, url or both.)
Comment 2 posted by Eric Olsen on December 15, 2003 08:17 AM:

I bet she won't be asked back. This was certainly rude, but maybe they needed to hear it.

(See other comments from the same name, url or both.)
Comment 3 posted by ClubhouseCancer on December 15, 2003 08:27 AM:

Bravo Lauryn!

People who speak truth to power are always criticised, and always vindicated. It's just too bad she had to ruin the Christmas of the leaders of that organized crime syndicate.

Instead of giving one thought to those evil Cardinals and their feelings, why not keep a good thought for the thousands of victims of the depraved rapists they've supported and employed?

(See other comments from the same name, url or both.)
Comment 4 posted by Natalie Davis on December 15, 2003 08:42 AM:

Lauryn rules! Gotta wonder, though, why she took that particular gig. I guess this audience did need a hard dose of truth for a change.

Comment 7 posted by bhw on December 15, 2003 09:22 AM:

I think Hill was pretty damned balls-y! Saying it right there at the Vatican!

As for the first commenter's points about priests and forgiveness, the church is free to forgive its pedophile priests while they serve out their prison sentences. I don't think repeatedly sending the fox back into the hen house counts as forgiveness. Seems like it counts as willfully ignoring the law and the safety and well being of the children of your church.

(See other comments from the same name, url or both.)
Comment 8 posted by Sandra Smallson on December 15, 2003 03:42 PM:

I hope Hill is as "Ball-sy" in her own household. Somehow, I doubt it very much. As for the person who refers to the priests or the vatican as "organised crime"..what can anybody say to a person like you? Nothing!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Real girls get down on the flo' on the flo'.. Like a pimp


i'd also like to make those aware especially if your not.....you should be aware of the newest clothing line launched by David Banner. ok ok..i know your thinking what the hell not another line of clothing....well yes and no. brotha is lauching a line of throwback jerseys in honor of emmitt till...ok so now you asking who is emmitt till?..if your not familiar and your skin tone is that of brown...then you should know who i'm speaking of..
tell me if what he's doing ain't the truth.......i fully bigup this effort to raise awareness in the hip hop community. i respect david banner's music and efforts at this. this is worth supporting.

ok so now i can take a deep breath.....
after hearing the jury's decision of giving lee malvo life without parole...i have a sense of easiness. even though life is just that.......i didn't want to see the little brother killed. i am one of the few who actually doesn't believe this bullshit story about two black men laying out in the back of a vehicle knocking people off.....come on. that's some white man shit....seriously.....i'm not being racist when i say that...well maybe it is. but i just don't believe it....hell make me believe it. what happened to the alleged white van and alleged two white male suspects???? hmmm, sumbody answer me....anyways- i'm waiting on the decision for muhammed. that is the one to watch.....but i already know they are going to kill him. got that good feeling......

Wednesday, December 17, 2003

dem say u too picky....

ever had the pressing need for affection?
the last few weeks have been stressful for
a sista..as a matter of fact just a tad bit too stressful.
god please don't take this as a complaint....
i am more than capable of handling any situation
you send my way....

with that said.....
i'll go ahead an admit that in my strongest,
bravest, non chalant, somewhat passive/aggressive, independent
self...i to am wanting the benefits of affection.
yep i said it.....lol!
momentary affection will suit me just fine....
nothing committed unless--well that's whats intended for me.
just come on over and leave(unless i give u the alright to stay)....nothing hard or tricky.
problem is my friend tasha says i'm too picky to
have these type of relationships....lol! why is it
that when you have a certain somthing that your wanting
in a potential mating....your labeled as picky! wack!
i think we should all have lists and values that we adhere to
on the regular....why not?

all i'm saying is a sista needs a hug.kiss. just some
affection...dammit! along with the usual stimulating conversation
of course that's a must. so if you meet these facts i've stated
call me @ 867-5309eeeionnnnn.



otha news:
ummm can someone explain to me the significance of
a fuckin potluck!!!! ok let me take a stab....
it's when all your greedy fat co-workers ask you
to cook food to bring to work so they can dip out the pots
all damn day....then not to mention your dish that you brought
to work with you...somehow disappears.....did they eat that too? u greedy bastid.
you should see these wacks in here all around the table
lol....don't eat this or that....she nasty...hahahaha!

i wonder where i''d fit into the cateogory....i'm that
one kat who never brings anything..but somehow manages
to have food given to them....because people tend to
want to make my eating habits the topic of discussion:
"girl here, that's why you so damn small-eatin all dem vegatables n stuff"
gimme a break.....go eat a hamhock or something.....
i'll show ya the real meaning of potluck....

*chills in the back smoking on a joint*


wadu 4 now

Tuesday, December 16, 2003

some hiatus type shit......

anybody looking for me or need anything
i'll be in my usual hiding place in the hills
of iraq, chilling, smoking a phat joint of the finest.......sand infested herb...
with $7.50 in my pocket and a couple AK 47'ems....

so don't test me dammit! i will pull my weapons
of lyrical destruction out and bomb this place....
oh wait...i'll just get my looka like to take my place
so that i won't be bothered...

hootie hoooo!

some shit no matter how much you try to
dress it up it still looks like bullshit.....if you don't know
or can't see or smell the stinch....then i question U
as well......

this rant was brought to you by:
whom else but, none other than.......................................

Friday, December 12, 2003

sometimes

i wish........

that i really was all seeing(then i'd know what to expect)
i could verbally express myself the same way i write
didn't have to hurt
i can chill all day with the pigeons that chill on my stoop
my bank account would get switched with Oprah's
i wasn't stereotyped by my appearence
there was someone whom i could depend
nigga's would wake up!
life wasn't so hard
that reality would kill fanstasy in a battle
i'd never accepted the responsibilty of having a sound mind(then i wouldn't be reponsible for my actions)
i could've seen jesus myself(put an end to not knowing)
bob marley were still alive and making music
i wasn't lazy
b.e.t. were still black owned and donnie simpson were the host
i had the answers to the questions about death
i had the cure for aids
i could chill with nefertiti, osirus, isis,horus, just to see what really went down in egypt
that i could've seen dinsaurs with my own eyes
niggas would stop talking bout a revolution, especially when your not serious
i didn't lack discipline in certain areas
i'd never moved to dallas, tx
that basquait were as popular and celebrated as picasso
i'd tried exstacy when i was offered it back in the day(at least i could add that to my list of things i've done)
bilal, davina, adrianna evans, n'dea davenport would release some new shit!..lol
i really could shapeshift and get the hell off planet earth
that i never signed a 2-year ageement with sprintpcs


my wishing would end...but it won't so until it does...i'll keep wishing and writing about my wishes dammit!

pardon me today was a very trying day....
nevertheless.....carry on



Monday, December 08, 2003

what type of blogger are you?:get more from wireless

Pens or keyboard, you just write.
VERBAL VIRTUOSE:
You are the verbal virtuose that we would all like
to be. You read a lot and write effortlessly
and well. Everyone is waiting for your novel!


What kind of blogger are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

not too sure about this but if you say so......

thanks and blessings to all who enter my lil space within cyber land.
thanks so much for all prayers and words in regards to my mom.
all prayers and blessings are needed.
she's doing a lot better than she was...right now she has a
vitamin deficiency- also she's in physical therapy. so things are looking
up. i just have to help change her attitude...maybe influence some positivity.
anyways-thank you all again! love and respect......

on to other things...
i'm in the job market-shopping around for something
better than what i'm doing and also something that will work
with my school schedule.....rearranging......"restructuring and reroute"

man customer service.....has me jaded!
listening to people bitch and complain about T-Mobile's plans for 8hrs.
i take calls from customers concerning their accounts and get them connected
to their wireless service.......
and i swear every got damn person that calls and asks about receiving
a credit for something that they have ALREADY used....makes my ass itch!
lol! i'm thinking...jeez this can not be the driving point of your day...
if all i had to worry or be concerned about was whether or not I could
connect to a wireless service or get money back because
i did not READ my TERMS and CONDITIONS......
maybe i'd become a greedy asshole too....God forbid.
greed.......gluttony.......only 2 of the 7 sins but the most powerful
words that i use to describe majority of T-Mobile's customers.....
lol! as T-Mobile says: "Get More!"

"attitude is very rude,boo- crabby like seafood"

did anyone happen to catch the first half of Angels in America?
you gotta love Jeffery Wright!

peace and balance

Thursday, December 04, 2003

moderation:all things in......

yesterday started out as one of the best days.
then it took a turn for not so good....
worked some overtime at the job.
then i paid my tuition for the coming semester..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
received a call from my dad....trying to
explain to me that mom had a stroke......(insert emotions here)
and that she is confined to the hospital indefinitely-till further notice..

and today my mood is:
mixedfeelingsofpastandpresentemotions
i'm thinking of home in a special way as of now.....

today is about maintaining my positivity- keeping in good spirits.
-i'm out of words for the moment.

peace

Tuesday, December 02, 2003

Administrative leave is what they gave em'

administrative leave is what they gave them.....if you don't know what administrative leave is....it's paid leave. also like saying you really didn't do anything wrong but we have to suspend you, but ga'head we'll still pay ya jim......also they are saying that Mr. Nathaniel Jones was induced by PCP:

CINCINNATI - Police appeared to follow procedure when attempting to subdue a black man who later died, and "it's obvious one of the officers was assaulted" before the taped beating began, Police Chief Thomas Streicher said Tuesday.

The cause of Jones' death was under investigation. Preliminary autopsy results showed he had an enlarged heart, and his blood contained cocaine and PCP, or "angel dust," both of which can cause erratic behavior, Hamilton County Coroner Carl Parrott said.


speculation....by gosh that's it. why don't we just say that he died of an heart attack...even though we beat the shit out of him.....what the fuck is going on in cincinnati?

from my viewing i am seeing cops constantly jabbing this man, beating him-clubbing the shit outta him as well.....i also see where he pushed an officer, then tried to take his club....only after being repeatedly beaten with it........

the fine line/what your job SHOULD be:
protect and serve muthafucka! that does not mean billy clubbing what you deem as suspicious black men to death. if you come in contact with an individual and you can NOT contain him......use proper measures....where were the tasers? how come out of 6 police officers -not one of them had a taser.......where was the mace? this is not about the cops being wrong....both parties were wrong. but is that a reason to beat a human till his death.....he was high, ok but ask yourself, would he have died if he'd never been beaten? i think he'd still be alive- that is till the PCP killed him

yes there's actually a brother involved...i wonder what going on in his head....your one em now.



my thoughts:
this pisses me off! once again another life has been taken at the hands of the police system...... Amadou Diallo R.I.P. ....i know some of you may comment-with an opposing view.....but you have to acknowledge that this is indeed a problem. a worldwide problem, that has not been properly addressed by congress, the states invovled, city officials. for god's sake they still got Mumia on death row....wtf???? we either dead or in prison....seems to keep popping up in my head now......cincinnati alone has a serious issue with the police department---is there anything being done about it.....are we(black people) out there rallying for our rights as humans? hell naw-we're on the inside hiding behind our security blankets: plush cars, 401k, bullshit salaries, raises, job status, welfare..the comfort zone.....you know that lil government issued bullshit-to keep that mouth shut....."oh no masta, iain't said or seen't nuffin, not long as u taken care me." what i'm saying is we no longer see the benefits of sit ins,marches or protests....these days niggas laugh when you say something about making a change for the better......truth is a lot of us think that it can get no better(can i say that? grammatically correct?no?) how do you compete with the alseep????

Sunday, November 30, 2003

caught a show:toilet tissue(the getaway spot)

had the opportunity to catch Dwele and Slum Village live last night.
it was a pretty ok show. i'm only giving it an ok due to the turnout..or lack of turnout that is...
Slum Vill only did about 5 songs total..I think Dwele topped that with 6 songs...lol
the show was fairly short-but the wait time was forever....i'm guessing they wanted to
wait for more people to show up...well if they'd just ask me i'd told them that
Dallas is a fickle place to see a show.....I mean if you ain't from here you probably won't get
the love you'd like or support. but thats my opinion.

I did enjoy myself for the time i was there. I can have fun in almost any situation it seems.
but yeah i'd rather see slum and dwele in another place beside dallas.

it's almost that time for me to punch the clock...get home, get things in order for tomorrow
work on a few things. and watch Carnivale'.

in my attempts to make work go by i tend to wonder the building in search of
cool images to capture.....for the niggas...that means finding pictures to take!...lol i ended up in
of my favorite rooms....


today's photo moment:

Friday, November 28, 2003

psa: sponsored by rass kass

Now listen, when you celebrate "Thanksgiving"
What you are actually celebratin
is the proclamation of the Pope of Rome
Who later, in league with Queen Isabella
sent Cardinal Ximenos to Spain
to murder any blacks that resisted Christianity
These Moors, these black men and women
were from Baghdad, Turkey
And today, you eat the turkey, for your "Thanksgiving" day
as the European Powers destroyed the Turkeys
Who were the forefathers of your mothers and fathers
Now fight the power, you bitch-ass niggaz!
(c) Ras Kass - Nature of the Threat

I gave thanks and continues to....................give thanks for you!: milkshakes

thanks to the greedy white men who killed countless indians and stole many countries...then claimed to have discovered them...thanks to you for giving us this day off! thanks for the numerous classes on how the pilgrims came to america-yada yada...thanksgiving...even though it's all bullshit!...yada. thank you all. I still had to work. lol I am thankful that I was able to get some work done yesterday. washed clothes, did some rearranging...shit like that.

said my daily prayers. called my family expressed my love and gratitude for them. gave thanks for all my blessings, friends, enemies, allies and associates in my lil life. attempted to open the lines of communication with an old friend. i do miss home...sometimes it gets lonely during the hellidays but I had a remedy for that. oh yeah!!! smoke one nigris!!! i did miss the smell of good food being cooked in the kitchen..my grandmama's dressing...sighs*...at least i had a break from those ghetto ass messicans that live under me. lol so i was able to blast my music while i worked at home.

for the first time in my life----i sat through a footbal game...and i actually followed what the hell was going on. ha! i'm bad about sports. i don't particularly care for them. but i did realize that damn DALLAS got they ASSES beat!!!!!

my thanksgiving was spent in reflection and moderation of the past and present. I do not regret anything that I've done in my life. i've learned from it all. I love my family and friends and I miss all yall asses...........kisses and hugs.
yah mo be my ass home in a minute....niggas! so stop asking me. I'm coming and it's on!

in otha news:
been listening to this new Kelis - Tasty. and i must say ummmm....it's kinda dope.....uh huh what can I say- I had to cop this early ok! sue me!.....RIAA. however I can't wait for it to drop.....speaking of Kelis..this whole milkshake thing has made me re-asses my own milkshake. In a strange colorful kelis kinda-way...she's help me discover my own milkshake...lol! and "damn right it's betta than yours!"



Ok i'm at work and it's boring as hell...............I'm pretty much caught up on my work....so I'm going to twidle my thumbs.
lalalalallala.
hope everyone's helliday was swell!
peace and love.

Tuesday, November 25, 2003

News and Gleanor:Bio-chip implant arrives for cashless transactions

...yep, while ya'll were sleeping somebody's been working.....
this has been in the making for a long time.....you think this is a joke?
personally, i don't see shit funny! nigga!

The Moon in the Mind/Feelings ~What are the odds?

moments of silence are supposed to prepare me for what i'm about to say or think. well in my case they have. for a while now i've been without words. maybe it was a lack of inspiration-naw! i'm always inspired by something whether it's negative or positive. how could one exist and not be inspired? why there's so much to this series of events we call life. i've experienced a few great loss's in the past months or so. it wasn't until last night i really reacted..it all started with that damn bjork.....lol.

here's how it goes.
i'm watching dancer in the dark, one of my favorite films, i get this overwhelming feeling of sadness, mixed with joy, grief, pain, confusion and other feelings. i felt a tremendous amount of happiness/sadness for the main character. to those that have seen this film...your probably thinking "what the hell was there to be happy about"? my happiness came out of understanding that sometimes in life things don't go as we'd like them, and that there's always someone out there in a far worse situation than yours. not that others mishaps make me happy, just knowing that i'm not the only-does. also seeing how someone can have so much determination and strength while in the worse predicaments.

see i understood selma...i understood how she could hear music in her head...i understood why she always worked so hard. i also understand why she chose the path she did. she was "dying for him to see"...... i'm telling you watching this movie stirred so many emotions....ones that i wasn't aware of-or am i being cheesy? i don't think so. i've had ample time to reflect and think on my life, plans, thoughts and fears. i like the fact that i'm sensitive at times, i like that i can determine what something is before trying it out....but what i don't like is not seeing certain characteristics that lie dormant in me....or have i chosen to not look at those things. of course i'd like to say that i pay attention to detail and i listen carefully. truth is....i can but i haven't been listening like i should...and sometimes i've fallen at the most important times.

it's easier to point out mishaps of others than your own. i'm guilty of this, i'm human....neither above or below-i am capable of falling just as you. what i do know is i accept responsibility for all my actions....- or +. one of life's learned/learning lessons. i'm a student of.............life.

to whom it may:
i'm sorry for saying things to intentionally hurt feelings. although i did sincerely mean well. all i ask for is understanding. i now understand that there's 2 sides. obviously i needed to see and realize some things. but i won't say that it doesn't hurt......but life has a funny way of dealing cards.
one i was dealt.....



The Moon in the Mind/Feelings position:

This is what this card means specifically when it lands in this position of a "Tarot Spread".

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Layers of illusion are removed; your essential self is disclosed.

The card in the Mind/Feelings position reflects an aspect of who you are right now, as you present yourself to the Tarot experience.

With the Moon in this position, you are cast into your deepest unknown. Not to be seen as either bad or good, this is an opportunity to penetrate your inner life. You may be familiar with this experience or you may never have experienced it before in your life.

You are moving between worlds, shifting and modifying. Reality changes from hour to hour; your rational mind has deserted you, leaving instinct and intuition as your guides. All the architecture of civilization has been stripped from your personality and you are naked unto yourself.


i started writing this on yesterday, which means my mental has progressed since then. all while still reflecting on some past experiences.......always learning and growing.


did anyone catch the vibe awards...i need an update....i know i'm all late..better late than never right???? right?

Friday, November 21, 2003

wanna be startin sumthyn? making you laugh!!!

why they gotta do my boy like this?....
even though this pic is not real...it is rather hilarious.....and i love Mike i do....but i had to laugh at this one.

Thursday, November 20, 2003

for now

A less than stellar reveiw of Erykah Badu's WorldWide Underground EP in Stylus Magazine.
Almost similiar to what I thought of her ep. The writer does tend to show his vunerable side while painting this musical picture. But the writer has a few valid points and key things to say......read on

Monday, November 17, 2003

words from the wise

someone sent these words to me today....thanks a million
i needed that!
give thanks


Misty Morning

Misty mornin`, don`t see no sun;
I know you`re out there somewhere having fun.
There is one mystery - yea-ea-eah - I just can`t express:
To give your more, to receive your less.
One of my good friend said, in a reggae riddim,
`Don`t jump in the water, if you can`t swim.`
The power of philosophy - yea-ea-eah - floats through my head
Light like a feather, heavy as lead;
Light like a feather, heavy as lead, yeah.

See no sun! Oh.
Time has come, I want you -
I want you to straighten out my tomorrow! Uh.
I want - I want - I want you - (tomorrow).
Oh, wo-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!
I want you to straighten out my (tomorrow)!

Misty (morning) mornin`, don`t see no sun;
I know you`re out there somewhere having fun.
Mysteries I just can`t express:
How can you ever give your more to receive your less
Like my good friend said, in a reggae riddim:
`You can`t jump - you can`t jump in the water, if you can`t swim.`

I want you (I want you) - I want you to straighten out my today -
My tomorrow - my-my-my - my - my
(I want you to straighten out my tomorrow).
On a misty morning, uh! (I want you to straighten out my tomorrow).
Oh-oh oh-oh-oh-oh!
(I want you to straighten out my tomorrow)
Straighten out my tomorrow - my tomorrow! Need some straightenin` out!
(I want you to straighten out my tomorrow)
Mist! Mm. (I want) Mist! (you to straighten out my tomorrow)
Misty! Oh! (I want you to straighten out my tomorrow)
****Robert Nesta Marley****

Sunday, November 16, 2003

Unblocking and Realizing: TimeSpace

"...You must listen to what your dreams tell you. They will guide you..."


so many thoughts, so little time:
how much of that time will I get to prepare myself for what's ahead? today I made one of the biggest decisions I've had to make in sometime. ever had to tell someone that you couldn't do something. well me, i'm used to saying yes-when it comes to family and friends. today was one of those times when i had to say no. no i can't help you out this time. no i can't help save your situation. saying no really took a lot out of me.

what's this all about?: diagnosing the problem
my need to take care of other's situation and my own. except i put my own second to others needs. which has not been the best or smartest thing i've done but we all learn from our mistakes. i like to be of help. my problem is helping people when i have my own shit going on. putting my needs first. that is my issue and no one is to blame except me. "how can you help someone else when you can't help yourself"......words from someone...............well those words were felt moreso today than any other. loud and clear as a matter of fact!

the feelings I have:
mixed. it hurts to not be able but maybe i am helping in another way. could my no possibly be the thing that's needed to make the parties involve make moves? I'd like to think that it will spark some change. that's what my inner voice says to me. but I still can't help my ill feelings- still processing things mentally.

**************************************************************************************
nothing but space...
space all around me..every where I turn to lean there's nothing but space.
vast amounts of space
but so
little

time......
I would've wanted things to be just fine
but space came through and defied my idea
changed their minds
now all I have is space
and little
time

Saturday, November 15, 2003

Resurrection the Experience: From the Cradle to the Grave(life ain't eva been easy)



I was compelled to write after viewing Tupac: Resurrection on last evening. I have a few mixed feelings about the movie and the man but i'm going to try to fit everything here.

After reading a few reviews about the movie I guess at the end of the day I can say that I draw my own conclusions about things. Well isn't that what your supposed to do? I suspect yes we, are but there are so many that get caught up in other people's views, their opinions become yours.....(Ok, I'm touching something else here-later for that). Nevertheless I read one review that really stood out to me. The naiveness of the writer, touching subject matter that I can tell is so foreign to him. But everybody has an opinion. Over time thoughts become dreams, opinions become theories which then turns into a way of life. These are the things that we manifest. Tupac manifested a certain way of thinking and living.

I can remember when Tupac was alive I would watch this brotha on t.v. talking about this and that. But I never knew his struggle, his intentions. His intentions were never really made clear while he was alive. Only out of death has this man been understood fully. Certain images on t.v. or articles in magazines depicted Tupac as a quite complex, angry, talented, big mouth actor with little heart. I disagree only with the no heart sentiment. The film showed many sides of the man we've come to know-from childhood to becoming a man.

Honestly this was one of the better documentaries I've seen about Pac in a while. Believe I've seen many shit...lol God only knows there's like 700 of them between B.I.G. and Pac alone. I like the fact that it was narrated by Pac. Yes the splicing of certain phrases and pictures did start to annoy me but I was fulfilled by the rest of the film. If your going to see this film with the intentions of finding out who and why he was killed then think again......There was little to no clues as to the who's and whats of Pac's murder. Who killed Pac and why? In the words of the slain himself "I don't know".

An excerpt from another review:

The movie bears a superficial resemblance to another vanity piece, THE KID STAYS IN THE PICTURE, but the production values in that mesmerizing movie were dramatically higher.

Ignoring how bad it looks, what does it say? The overly reverential film, told almost exclusively through archival recordings of interviews with Tupac, tries to show him as a sweet guy. The film's imagery suggests that he was something of a god-like figure, offering us images of Christ on the cross. The movie is filled with cheap shots against his many critics.

A man arrested about a dozen times for crimes ranging from jaywalking to shooting people to gang rape, Tupac spent time in jail and in prison. He claims to be innocent of his crimes and throws all of the blame for them on "the system." At one point, he describes his philosophy as, "I am a thug, and I rap about the oppressed fighting back." When confronted with his crimes and actions, his response is, "I don't gotta be a role model." Between his songs that say otherwise, he tells us how much he loves and respects women.

The relatively mundane movie is chock full of little details about his life. He tells us that he lived here and then he lived there and that his father was in prison here. He says that he is especially proud of his mother's having been a Black Panther.

The film is for Tupac's dyed-in-the-wool fans only. And even they may be quite disappointed and downright bored as there is little singing but lots of mindless gabbing.


I say to each his or her own, but if your not familiar with the content study it first before making oneself look like an ass....How would you know what poverty is if you've never lived it, breathed it? You don't, you can get a good idea from my descriptions but you will never feel the pains and ills of that particular society. So, no this critic couldn't even begin to understand how one man with so much power -who then realizes his power could NOT want to be a role model. I've seen this many times, especially with entertainers.

After so many record sales, many articles, many philosophies about things, the world starts to comply with your truth. The truth is felt at most when it appears that there are similarities. So thug niggas around the world heard what this cat said-took to those words thus a following was born. Tupac birthed a revolution of Thug Life shouting, living folk across the world. To have that kind of weight can be an enormous burden.

Shit is deeper than what my man above says. There's more to it than some guy being a rapper selling millions of units, being arrested a few times, shot a few times. As Bjork says, "there's more to life than this."
At least I think so, what about you?

Sunday, November 09, 2003

Subject is Dwele: Schizophrenia and the likes of catching a show



And Slum Village hitting the stage
When: 11/29/03
Where: Deep Ellum Live
Cost: $16.00
Where to cop tickets: Ticketmaster

I'll be in the house with my usuals! Consider this covered by yourn truly.
anybody wanna roll call 555-Nekaybaaw.
All gas donations accepted thru my paypal account..thanks.
lol

Too bad I won't get to catch Baatin doing his thang with SV. Yes I am one of the few that liked Baatin and his hyper/mystical flow.
*sighs*

Friday, November 07, 2003

Calmness is the center

words
~~
sounds
~~
power
~~

inspired by winter rain showers- 45 degrees next to chilled.
partitioned thoughts kill, even in the furthest distance.
if you just listen

listen...

are you listening
can you hear the sounds?
120 words per second....did you catch them?
naw I bet you weren't listening

words
~~
sound
~~
power
~~

pardon Eye while indulged in this rain shower....................

Revolutions: no this is not a spoiler post...lol

for those that want to know(::lynne:: peace woman-how u be?....) i am leaving a link here to some reveiws and feelings about Revolutions.

Review Link

i left one link because there are reveiws and links to rolling stone,new york times and dallas morning.

i will personally hold my comments until it is released..wouldn't want to spoil it for anybody.

Thursday, November 06, 2003

today's random jawn

sipping on strawberry/grape juice and eating my daily dosage of pineapple chunks....
not those damn DelMonte shits you get in cans but fresh cut organically grown pineapples.....so ya know they off the map..
i should do ghetto supermarket commercials....lol! i think Mali you should too...you got that ghetto New Orleans venacular..ya hurd me...

working on the day off...i seem to love doing this a lot more than regular days
mainly because of the double pay but i'm also here because we are having a screening of
Revolutions taday at the IMAX....so that's what's up!
i'm going into this one with no expectations...i went to see reloaded with a bunch of them and i
ended up upset. but it do appreciate Reloaded for what it was-the setup for Revolutions.....

The Birth

The Life

and

The Death

the story of life...all life.

I should have much to say after watching so until then

Peace
(pop yo fly collars to dat)

Tuesday, November 04, 2003

natty pic of the day post

out of boredom at the jobby job i came across a really great pic of L. Boogie/Ms. Hill. I don't recall ever seeing this one.
do you?
** Mali E. I know your going to right click this one...lol

sorry the pic died

Monday, November 03, 2003

number 1 publicity stunna or no????

about a week ago i had that oppurtunity to check out Beef.....a documentary style look into some of the most talked about hip hop beefs from Kool Moe Dee/Busy Bee on down to the more recent 50cent/Ja Rule sqabble. this is probably one of the best looks at hip hop beefs ever done. i was really surprised at how this film didn't focus much on the ever so popular Tupac/Biggie--East/West deal. kind of refreshing to not have to sit through yet another look at pac and big's death. i'm tired of seeing these mc's names being marketed and slandared. let em rest in peace please!

the point of all this:
coming across recent interveiws and articles about 50 and Ja., supposedly Minister Farrakhan reached out to both artists in hopes of getting both together to sqash the alleged beef. "As far as me meeting with Farrakhan...it's not happening," 50 told Washington D.C.'s 93.9 WKYS. "I respect [Farrakhan] and all that but it ain't going down. Ja put himself in the position he's in and he's doing whatever he can for publicity."

now i don't know about you but to me this screams bloody publicity stunt. especially with the release of Ja's new album, Blood in My Eye, set to release tomorrow. funny isn't it! what's even more hilarious is the fact that 50 declined to meet. here is where the shit gets ill for me....in no way am i supporting any kind of beef between these 2 gentlemen mainly because we've already seen this shit get violent. there's only a few other things that could happen at this point.

initally i took this beef as a joke.. i thought maybe this was some kind of lovers quarrel or something. lol! im so serious. everything about this screams a scorn lover. call it what you like but i just call it like i see it. anyway Ja's interveiw with Farrakhan is supposed to air tonight on MTV @ 7 p.m. ET and on MTV2 at 11 p.m.
ET.

is it me or am i the only who finds ja rule to be a complete ass itch! don't get me wrong 50 irks me about the same. but what i come to respect about 50, is his mind. and how it works in the game of hip hop. in order to survive the industry he knew what it took and who to make his shit pop. you gotta love that. plus his strategy at targeting the top 10 mc's with his lyrics. gotta respect that too... if i come out and say some shit bout Jay-Z and get his attention-that lets me know im doing something right. plus everyone recognizes you-thus your famous! in that sense i have come to respect the man and his strategies.

who's checking for this shizzle?

::Other Related Links::

Final Call Article
MTV News Article

Friday, October 31, 2003

feast of samhain:halloween-it's origin and symbols

During the 4th Century A.D., Roman Emperor, Constantine The Great (Reign 324-327 AD) declared Christianity as lawful. The spread of Christianity was slow due to pagan beliefs—rituals and practices of the masses. The heads of the church embarked on a mission to stamp out other pagan religions. The Celts religious beliefs were too much for the Christians, so they compromised by giving the Celts’ rituals and holidays new meanings and names. The Christian’s All Saints Day was originally celebrated on May 1. This day honored early Christian martyrs. Another name for All Saints Day allowed for the idolatrous Celtics (now Christians) to still celebrate on the Feast of Samhain (lord of the dead)! Now on October 31st this became “ALL HALLOWS EVE” which was later shortened to HALLOWEEN.

WITCHES are the most popular symbol of Halloween. She is depicted as an old woman, walking bent over with a black hat and a long cloak. She is usually seated upon a broom stick and has her favorite companion at her side, the black cat.
That, however, is merely an imaginary picture of the witch, for as you will see, witches can be your next door neighbor, the friendly bus driver, or your sophisticated banker.


WITCHCRAFT THE OLD RELIGION
“Witchcraft,” the “old religion” is as old as mankind. The word witch is derived from the Anglo-Saxon word “wit” which means wise. Witchcraft consists of the use of sorcery, spells and magic. The craft stems from Ancient Pagan religions that worshipped the elements of nature.


OWLS were considered to be creatures of evil by the ancient Romans. It was believed that witches were able to transform themselves into Owls. An Owls erie shrieks on a lonely night would send any traveler swiftly on his journey.
The Spanish word for owl “Bruja” also means witch. Like bats, owls are nocturnal and their eyes are objects of fear, mystery and legend.



JACK-O-LANTERN
Centuries ago, these lights were attributed to Lantern Men, often called Hob-O-Lantern, Jack-O-Lantern, Will-O-Wisp or Will. Many superstitions were made because of a lack of overstanding of the causes of the light. It was believed to be souls of the sinner who were condemned to walk the Earth until the end of time.
One such legend came from an old Irish story about a man named Stringy Jack who liked to play tricks on the evil one. He tricked the evil one into promising not to claim his soul. When Jack appeared at the gates of (so-called, unproven) hell, they turned him away.

As Scotish and Irish people migrated to America they discovered the pumpkin which they found to be an excellent substitute for their customary turnip. The pumpkins became the perfect Jack-O-Lantern and has been used ever since.

Source::Halloween, The Evil One’s Sabbath



Tuesday, October 28, 2003

news flash*****

ARMY using hip-hop to recruit"
eastern campuses over the next week, and generate thousands of leads to help meet its goal of about 100,000 recruits a year.

About a dozen guys with baggy pants and smooth strides signed on to compete in the rap contest at College Park and dozens more signed up for the magazine. But when it came to the idea of joining the Army, most of the students said thanks, but no thanks.

Asked why he signed up for information about service in the Army, Wayne Paik, a 19-year-old electrical engineering major explained, "I did it for the magazine."

Army recruiters weren't discouraged by the lukewarm response.

The fact that the Army was there at all marks an important change in the way it markets itself,
said Col. Thomas Nickerson, the Army's director of strategic outreach.

"We're trying to reach quality men and women, and we cannot do the same thing we've been doing for years," Nickerson said. "We've got to be innovative in our approach. We have to be relevant to segments of the market we want to reach."

Nickerson said the Army is already doing well attracting minorities. About 26.8 of those serving
are African-American (11.9 percent are officers) and 8.9 percent are Hispanic (4.3 percent are
officers.). But the service faces constant competition for recruits, he noted.

Some campuses have resisted military recruiters, even as their students face a tough job market. If potential recruits have been put off by the simmering conflict in Iraq, the lousy economy was
more than making up for that, Nickerson said.

Just how successful the recruiting effort at College Park was won't be known for some time, after a target of 2,500 leads are gathered and some are "converted" into recruits, Nickerson said.

There was no hard sell from the Army yesterday. The recruiters, dressed in their civvies and The
Source, brought a collection of young black men and women dressed in Army jerseys to collect the names.

If some of the students weren't thrilled about the possibility of military service, they were impressed by the Army's effort to be relevant.

"I like the idea of the Army seeking a variety of people. They're blending cultures," Paik said.

That was the idea three years ago when the Army dumped its long-running "Be All You Can Be" slogan in favor of "Army of One," a modern tag line created by the Chicago advertising giant Leo Burnett under a multiyear $150 million marketing contract.

The Army doesn't want to give the impression that it's loosening the discipline or encouraging dissent. Rather, it's promoting the idea that each person plays a vital role in the success if the team, Nickerson said.

As part of that effort, Burnett subcontracted with an African-American-focused public relations firm, New York-based Vital Marketing Group, to target minorities. Vital signed a partnership with The Source.

After the Campus Combat contests, other direct mail and online-oriented marketing will be developed at a cost to the Army of about $800,000.

Other partnerships will take the Army into new territory, including NASCAR.

If the Maryland students were sure they would not join the ranks, they were happy to have a free magazine or Army sweat band or T-shirt. Others came to hear their friends freestyle on stage. One winner from each school will be written about in the magazine and receive an outfit from Azzure clothing company.

A Source promoter said about 30 students participated in the contest on the Campus Combat's first stop at the University of Pittsburgh and another 250 signed up for Army information (and the magazine). He expected about the same numbers form Maryland.

The magazine ran radio ads and handed out fliers for about two days before the College Park events, which also included evening concerts.

"We're looking for the next Biggie Smalls, and the Army is looking to increase its popularity among people of ethnicity," said Ousmane Sam, the mobile promotional director and the event's host. "I think we'll both reap the benefits here."

The Army plans to send information and have a recruiter call after the event to tell the students
about the "skills training" and "travel and adventure" as well as the $50,000 available for educational purposes and $65,000 to pay back student loans.

Recruits can sign up for as little as 15 months.

Companies trying a new ad technique typically start in a few markets and then expand if sales are good, said John McLaughlin, a Baltimore-based marketing consultant. In the Army's case, the new markets will be other college campuses.

But will it work?

"No matter what you're selling, you don't talk the corporate bit, you have to make them feel there is real rapport," he said. "They seem like they have a sound approach. We'll see how many conversions they get from their leads."

Not everyone believes the Army should be successful.

Rep. Charles B. Rangel, a New York Democrat, introduced legislation in January to reinstate the draft largely because he believes the poor and minorities are represented in the military at rates above their numbers in the general population.

In a statement, Rangel said one of his objectives is "to make it clear that, if there is a war, there should be a more equitable representation of all classes of Americans making the sacrifice for this great country."



Copyright (c) 2003, The Baltimore Sun

Monday, October 27, 2003

highroscope

Your Horoscope for October 27, 2003
ARIES


No matter how active and outgoing an Aries you may happen to be, this is the ideal time of year to direct your energy inward and try a bit of introspection and self-analysis. If you meditate on your problems as the week begins, they are less likely to be problems as the week wears on. Think before you act and your efforts will be more productive.

Sunday, October 26, 2003

::..reflection eyeternal..:: rotation-speed up

it's been quite some time since i've been home and i must say i am truly missing those green trees, red dirt, brothas in Cadillac's and green grass....these are some of the things i see that remind me of home.

on another note you must be careful of what you ask for and put out into the universe. because it will be fulfilled. as of lately i had been complaining about my job-the schedule and what not. random complaints mainly because i want change to take place. taking a job for less pay- crazy work hours does take it's toll on you. i tend to feel that i have less time to spend on my own projects. i've been motivated to doing things and change but it's a slow process which forever humbles me. now i do realize that i could be in a far worse situation. but it doesn't stop me from feeling these things. i give thanks for the now.

pardon i as i jump in and out of thoughts...............
next

i think back to how i was raised to be this independent woman-one that can do a lot of things on her own. but part of me lately has been wishing i wasn't so independent and that someone could or would take care of me. this has also been a pattern in past relationships. a pattern well worth breaking. because it is nice to have that same dependancy from your sig other. i can remember since the age of 10 i began taking care of myself in certain areas. i am that oldest child- so i carried much weight for many years...taking care of my brother and sister. my mom made sure that i knew how to cook, iron, change diapers, clean and a host of other shit. and i am so grateful for that! on the flip shit got a lil twisted when those same ideals were not instilled in my brother and sister in the same manner. i can recall feeling so helpless and boggled down with chores and shit and my siblings would be playing and chillin...lol.
i was mad jealous that they got to just be........no matter though we remained close even though i'd beat my brothers ass almost everyday...lol. but it brings me to present day-yo i remember when my brother first went off to college. that fool called home to ask ma how the fuck to register for classes....lol. i was thinking you lame jerk-u cant even register on your own....DeepENDANT!

im trying to figure what went wrong in my fam to where it has my mom so sick-hospitalized even as i write this....not that strong woman who raised me to reach for whatever dreams i had. it makes me especially sad to see her so tired...tired to move and reach for something other than nothing at all...sometimes i think if i were home then shit wouldn't be this bad....my brother's not helping the situation when he doesn't really aspire to do shit himself...and my mom sees that and im sure she thinks.... "where did i go wrong".....but would i be balanced by being home tending to my family's issues when i have my own? im confused at the thought really. but i do understand what balance is. and there have been times when i wasn't so balanced when it came to dealing with fam. fam has a way of influencing me from me. but this isn't about me- i be-lieve that life has nothing to do with me personally....it's moreso about how i influence and help others. this is how im judged in the EYE of the Creator....humbling thyself to an idea of serving and doing God's work. thus removing the focus from me. i am only a vessel through which the flow of God runs through. wishing well.

what i've devised is a plan to stay on my mom- helping her reach mental and physical clarity-in any way i can. i will call and just stay on her ass..thats what a daughter should do i believe..stay on my sister's ass and my brother. well i've got to really talk to my brother because he's a grown ass man..time to start behaving as one. we are all each other has and if we dont respect and love that it dies....sooner than expected.

still reflecting and praying for my family...all guidance and prayers are needed.
Power's in numbers

Tuesday, October 21, 2003

don't need no hateration (c) mary j. blige

when a given norm is changed
in the face of the unchanging, the
remaining contradictions will
parallel the truth ' - Saul Williams

whats with all the ursula rucker hate? i've got to cop this cd to see what all the hate is about.....




esoteric shit....

cool shit...my music tastes seem to vary....not so much as new but cool tunes and what not..check fa me!

just figured i'd share



nitin sawhney

Saturday, October 18, 2003

ugggh what?

Powered by audblogaudio post powered by audblog

sorry bout the spit factor....lol. my headset was alil too close to the mic....hey ya!

::master your own bation:: this means you!

casually and calmly is the mental for the day.

while on my way to work this morning totally engaged by the sounds of Ice Cold-Andre 3000's Vibrate...i got to thinking about the symbolism in this song...which can be taken in many different forms....One could be the sexual undertone...the other could be the need to make change.....well for me.....my sexual energy was challenged. kind of sucks it happended on the way to work...how weird is that? just the thought of playing with my own score sheet has been a taboo type thang.....that i'd never put much energy into until i got older. just the thought of masterbation made me uneasy at a young age....i was never really taught about masterbation and people's need for it. sexual liberation is what i've lack for some time....not saying that i am not a sexual being- i think i made my transition a little later than most young ladies. nevertheless i've made do......

why is the topic of sex so taboo amoung americans...especially black americans. we tend to shy away from actually teaching our kids about sex..but yet we sell it like it's the greatest thing around. i've often wondered why my mother taught me about sex but didn't really spend much time talking about masterbation.....i tend to believe i would've been more of a free spirit if i'd explored my sexual side much earlier....not necessarily having sex but just talking to different people and sharing my experiences....not to mention being molested at the age of 9 really didnt help too much.....and it wasn't until i was 18 that i actually acknowledged that i'd been molested. that was one of the most hardest things to digest. i was left confused about my sexuality. i wasn't sure that i should share it...then there's the stay a virgin till marriage thing....well that was my philosophy for majority of my life until the summer of 97. that's when i met a certain woman...an older woman at that!

need i say more on that subject...well just a little..she opened doors inside of me that i didnt know were there. i was intrigued...never b4 had i thought about another woman but oh well shit happens...that was my thinking then and still is....so skip hop to years later-a couple of same sex relationships later....after all of my confusion about who i was...i can finally say that i have opened to the idea of masterbation, porn and some other things as well outside of sex. oh and i will say that i'm a porn enthusist...har har ha!!! yes indeed i got that jake steed if that's what you need.....lol

on a serious note im open at this point to what life brings me. whether it's masterbation, same sex relations or whatever im better equipped at handling these situations...why yes there are things that i haven't explored....maybe i will maybe i won't but im open too....so we shall see what's in place for I.

how in the hell did i get to this place.....damn i started out talking bout masterbation ...now i den left the can open....lol uggh yeah and please refrain from asking me questions about me being with men...because i love the brothas....mos def got dammit!! like i said im open. so it is what it has been and what it will be. until Maxwell or Andre or Julian Marley calls me back i don't know what to do.......hehe

i got a secret.....Im sorta attracted to that dude Avant....he's kinda sexy or sumthyn huh?
or is it jus me....

i need a lift.....peace

Friday, October 17, 2003

ignorant rantings reward of the day goes too:

a brother who calls himself ALLAH...need i say more..this is only to provide an example of the ignorance displayed on okayplayer.com:

stupid shit of the day

if you didn't know before I tend to run those individuals out of boards and chats that come in with that bullshit talk.....talk talk talk....all we do is talk about how this is wrong or stupid but provide NO insight as to what is supposedly right! I am appauled that this brother is calling himself Allah...the only thing the post wanted was some form of reasoning so that they too can understand what he says he does..Where's Sincere at when ya need him.....talk to me man!

Thursday, October 16, 2003

therapy....the experience

I'm a little late when it comes to pampering myself. I mean I never really considered getting pampered in any way. well I like when it's time for me to twist my locs a little bit. which is a task that I like to have someone do for me. mainly because it feels great. not sure if the other person gets as much enjoyment as I do...lol! but just know it is appreciated and loved. outside of getting my hair twisted-which isn't too often, I haven't experienced getting my nails did, or hair did on a regular, toes nutting like that.......not until yesterday..........

I actually stepped out on a limb and I got a massage. like a real live massage-not the in thebedroomrightbeforeyougetsomeass massage...lol one of my friends in Dallas is a massage therapist. luckily she had an open spot-she invited me for a free massage!!!

the actual experience was cool....yes I mean it was cool-no cold as old grits that's been sitting on the stove all day..I was freezing my lil 5'2 body off.....outside of that-it was probably one of the best things to happen to me in a while. she's really great because she also offers herbal remedies and advice. A little something extra that I certainly appreciate. she did show concearn for the left side of my body-my neck and shoulders. nevertheless, I have a lot of stones in that area-stress buildup im assuming. but I did promise to take better care of my body and mind. which is a promise that I made too myself as well.
got to start eating better as well....but anyways I'm going to make this a regular 2 week thing...so if your in the Dallas area and you need to get the massage thing on......holla at me to get at her and she'll hook ya right on up

Wednesday, October 15, 2003

giving thanks-modified version 2

in the spirit of yesterday's post about the blog cummiunity i received some dope responses.
one of which struck a chord with me.....see this is why you are down with me...and sometimes you tend to complete my thoughts. or call me out on the things i've missed. good ole Mali E./Tren/Bosslady

just like everything else in life there are the positive and negative aspects of the www. it's perfectly okay when people are using the "web" as a tool for learning, growth, networking, building, etc., however it's not okay to become overly consumed in it or maybe i should say tangled in it . Life calls for balance and just as we can come together and build communities on line we should be able to do the same offline. We should be able to reflect whatever lives inside of us that is revealed "online" "offline". I big up the truth and so often truth get's twisted in lies.. Respect to those who are real in cyberworld and the real world as well..

which me brings me to think of what weighs most. balance. being able to balance in both worlds. i tend to not find this commonality in board posts or posters. you know boards where people can post comments regarding certain topics. what comes to mind is okayplayer.com. really cool site i must say and it is imformative, but most of the information has been overshawdowed by brainless posts about this or that. i myself have posted many times on that board...but the random posts about who's elite and who's not, why this artist isn't what or who they say they are......basically it's just plain tiresome. i used to visit OK back in the day before it was taken over and i could go there meet cool people-build relationships and exchange. not anymore-well not unless you happen to run into someone thats independant of all the bullshit. im sadden by the behaviors people tend to put out in cyberspace.....you have the cyber elite, cyber thugs, cyber bitches and hoes, internet chat geeks, backpackers, overall haters,johnny come lately fans....by the way these are labels that these people have placed on themselves...lol i've seen it....

ok my concentration has been ruined/cutoff by havinng to train someone today......so i will contiue this on tomorrow
blah

Tuesday, October 14, 2003

giving thanks

what moves me:
seeing black people actually using the web to converse, share ideas, thoughts, NETworking and building relationships. there was a time when i only saw the net for being just that a NET. WORLD WIDE WEB....just tangling fools up in all types of bullshit. but there is a higher standard circulating and becoming very popular. that is BLOGGING!

blogging amoung black people has become very popular and insightful. Wow! we have a lot to say and this is one the best platforms there is to express oneself. i have travelled all around this web, not until about a year ago i started noticing this trend. journal-web blogging....diary writing whatever you label it as...i see the good in it. i see the visions that people have. i get to find out who people really are beneath all the labels and preconcieved notions.

over the past year i have engaged in many conversations via blogs. some of the most enlightening and entertaining i must say. there are some blogs that i tend to visit on a regular basis depending on the connection i may feel for the s o u l behind the words. it is amazing how fast this thing has spread. very uplifting to know that i'm not the only person out there with certain feelings as it applies to different topics. i do believe that this is moreso about sharing and building relationships within our community.

and i may have started to rant and rave on and on...but so what these are my thoughts and this is my journal....lol

uh huh i see you...as i admire
know that it is out of respect
for you and what you stand for
seen

give thanks

Monday, October 13, 2003

catching hell

..ok im about to pull out my hair because i'm only trying to change my frikking background to WHITE....
dammit can't a sis just change things around if she please......

insight
insight
please

Sunday, October 12, 2003

did she really say fuck it?

did ms. hill really say fuck it or are "we" the fans just holding limitations and expectations over her head, just as we've down to countless others.



could lauryn's need for change or attaining a certain spiritual growth become grounds for saying "she's lost it" or "she's a has been in the business." one thing for sure is after reading Toure's article on Lauryn Hill I can honestly say that I gained no more insight on her than I already had. I'm really appauled at the way this article was contrived. No real basis to go on, only speculation from past friends and associates. Not one real interview with Lauryn. Then it goes on to even more speculation about her relationship with Rohan Marley and Wyclef Jean.

i've veiwed many different sites and i've seen many different emotions displayed regarding the interview. how one could actually call that article a "great read" beats me. I guess if you only invest in reading Sister 2 Sister or any tabloid yeah I can see why you thought that was the bomb. I do believe all the hoopla is moreso about the writer than the actual factuals that's been expressed. I admire Toure and his writing style, which is why i'm concearned about this half written piece. In this case i totally understand Lauryns sentiments when she said "I am not available for free interviews at this time," "The only interviews I will consider are those that amply compensate me for my time, energy and story." It was signed "Ms. Hill." She asks for money, friends say, because she feels she's been exploited by the media and the record industry. DUH! you think she hasn't been exploited....if you don't then this interview is prime example of explotation at it's best.

i'm not sure what the future holds for ms. hill, but i'm sure that she has taken full steps in regaining control of her life. as for fans and writers we do tend to think "we know" the artists inside and out..most of us are guilty of this- i am, you are, they are, he is and so is she. mindfull of others is the key-also would you like someone speculating and criticizing you? check your actions-i'm checking mine.

last thing- what did bother me was the frequent association she has to a "Brother Anthony," this bothers me for some reason. Reminds me of that guy that always followed Black around in the movie CB4. talking about he was his spiritual advisor...lol! but in essence he's the spiritual pimp...pimping the shit out dude's pockets and resources. ok im done with that!

Friday, October 10, 2003

bitch syndrome.....

xcuse me i know your trying to find your way but
who put the thorns up your ass????

who the hell left the gate open

Tuesday, October 07, 2003

get rich or die trying!!!

dammit i may not be a bonafide 50cent(fiddysint) fan but i understand and have adopted his motto. not that i'm driven by money or it's tendency to make people turn into evil beings. but i'm driven by the have nots, the not having, the broke check to check-week to week living. i would like to invest more into my own self starting ideas and create my own wealth where i'm not bound to anything. making moves is another way of putting it. how many of you out there hear a sista when she speaks....im serious anybody else tired of living broke? i know that i am.

i received a blessing in the form of a friend that introduced me to a new idea. i'm a skeptic let me say this first. so i question EVERYTHING! i even ask God questions. it's ok you should too. but the point is this friend enlightened toan money making idea...ummhmm i know what you thinking already. making money services, online cash ops-that shit ain't real! well i will say this the last time i saw this friend we were both in need of cash. Now let's just say i'm the only one needing...lol! but that is about to change.......ever wanted to break the rules and make your own?

why not write your own checks as oprah says....or become "Economically Sovereign" which is a self governing individual who is financially self sufficient and not indebted or controlled in any way by an outside source i.e.(credit cards, interest, loans, etc..)

i am learning so many different things each day it a beautiful thing i must say. for those wanting a change-seriously. and you are motivated in your thinking-drop me a line and i will share the knowledge to increase the wealth in the black community. believe that!!! let's make this money folk!....lol

cop this read too--- worth it

Friday, October 03, 2003

lookie lou's and all that

continuing in the spirit of evolutionsol blog:

endaikeio.com is in need of site designers.
if you know someone or you are that someone....
let folk hear you! spread the word to your friends, moma's friends and then some others too.

A DOPE A$$ED WEB/GRAPHIC DESIGNER
with reasonable prices to:

-Update the look of endaikeio.com
-Design a taylor made blog for Mali E.

Saturday, September 27, 2003

triton visions....a word from the sponsors

in the last couple of months i've made some decisions regarding my life and the changes i'd like to see occur. i'm actually dedicating myself to me and certain projects that I deem necessary to my cause. this ain't heavy shit i'm trying to lay on you just a few certainties i'm acknowledging. my decisions come out of me wanting more out of life....more than just exisisting amoung millions of restless souls. everyone is searching for their center. to become complete....ummmhmmm i believe this to be true. so that makes me no different from the next cat. except for my fly taste in nice kicks and cool belts, hats and other accessocries. this isn't some ego trip because i'm far beyond knowing that nothing is about me. ok ramble on and on like badu. who brings to mind the word for the week..change....what is change? and how relevant is it to one's life? these are the questions i pose....so im looking for answers-comments all that!!!

finally figured out which keybored i'm going to get. it has taken me a very long time to decide. I wanted to make sure that this is what i wanted. made a lot of sense to actually invest in an instrument that i can truly play instead of a new venture.



a word from our sponsors:

Speakerboxxx and The Love Below
listen to these album(s). give them an honest listen; do not listen once and toss them.
outkast are growing musically as artists. they cannot and will not repeat themselves. do not expect them to do so; i have confidence that their next album could consist entirely of opera-aria over polka and outkast would find a way to make it work.

one of the ways most hip-hop artists fail is in that they do not improve their game, rather they continually rehash themselves, spouting the same things time and again, the only things changing being the situations they 'rap' about.

speakerboxxx & the love below are the evolution of hip-hop.

if you aren't with it, that doesn't mean you're stupid, it just means you don't like where this kind of hip-hop is going; so, you're better off sticking to the stagnating styles that rap has become (at least in the mainstream).

that outkast have the balls to release these albums.. is both amazing for them a breath of fresh hope for hip-hop in general.

broaden your horizons; listen to speakerboxxx & the love below.

signed,
2/5 radiohead


ummhmm

Sunday, September 21, 2003

waltz of the certain

nekkid

within my own mindstate
coupled with a certain intimatecy.

is it ok to feel this way all the time.
unbalanced at the thought of being
seen

nekkid. my mistake for giving too much
at the right time

which is now in the present of all that we've
known to be true

excuse me if im too enthused, but i don't come
contact with your kind as often as i'd like

vunerable feelings should leave me perplexed.
somehow i'm enjoying putting my faith through
a test

i know your testing me

nekkid

everything included is sacred and pure
once it leaves the womb-my thoughts

conceived and now im knee deep in
solitude

for the time being, that is

Saturday, September 20, 2003

whip them jah jah.....yeah!

did you know that sept. 11th also marked the anniversary of peter tosh's death????
another great individual slain but forgotten by many...just remembering one jamiaca's fyah talents.
i wonder if peter, bob and dennis were alive would the state of music be as we know it?



Ashe
give thanks for all


for as long as i can remember music has had an lasting impression on me. i can remember days in the back of my parents ride-my dad would pop in an old stylistics tape or some marvin gaye. i'm in the backseat thinking "i wish he'd turn this stupid music off.." just being a spoiled brat about the whole thing. over time i would still find myself chillin in the back seat on my way from school-or on my way back from grandma's house and dad would pop in sade, kool and the gang or sam cooke. and what do you know my ass was singing along "don't know much bout history, dont much bi-ology, don't know much about the science book-don't know much bout the french i took".....funny thing is i didn't want my dad to know how much i began to LOVE the music he played. so there would be days when my borther and i were home alone. before you knew it i was firing up the turntable on the component set(that's what my folk called it then) playing my dad's Breakwater album. then i moved on to minnie riperton and god is my witness i fell in love with melodies. i always had this certain connection with minnie. i'm not sure if it were the picture of her on her perfect angel album cover with the ice cream cone. it was indeed her angelic voice. sad part was me finding out i'd never get to see her alive.

one pivitol event in my life was april 4th-the day marvin gaye was killed. i will never forget the pain that i felt after just becoming so familiar with sexual healing...lol! the song that is....i knew that music suffered a great loss! funny how i could sense how great this man was and his gift of song. this was my foundation that my father unconsciously laid out for me. that is our(my father and i) connection-music. all these years i owed my music obsession to my father because he was the first to open my eyes musically. he is part of the reason why im an artist. self realization for ya!

this brings me to my point of today's music. seems as if the loss's we've suffered on a more artistic level changed things in the world. whether it was john lennon, bob marley. peter tosh, marvin gaye. phyliss hyman, nina simone, tupac, B.I.G., or barry white you have to admit that artistry has seemingly dwindled down to fancy clothes, money and hoes. which has me re-thinking my artistic approach. no more on the surface/love anthem/songwriting for me. this is not 1995-2001 when i once belonged to an r&b group. i feel the need to create long lasting themes such as minnie did. this is where i look to for inspiration. because by god they were the truth! and i miss all the greats that's been taken away from us all:

oh yeah when is sly stone gonna ever get the fuckin props he deserves dammit!!!

Ashe

Monday, September 15, 2003

musings and queers...here goes

just another day at work....
yesterday was a pretty progressive day for me..well that is after work was over. i found myself going home and immediately messing around with the fruity loops 4. right now i have about 4 beats that i've constructed into a sorta song. 1 im really happy about- actually let a friend hear it for the first time. then about 8 o'clock i sat down to watch a film called Ararat, but unfortunately i fell asleep. but the bright side is i got a chance to catch up on some rest. and now i'm here today!!!

been pondering..................
the state of music these days. thinking about how influential music was to me as a youngin. these days im not too influenced by much of anything i've heard. it all sounds the fuckin same. all rappers wanna sing-all singers wanna rap. what the fudge is going on with the creativity. i blame the powers in charge. turning artists into products so they can be sold for the mere price of peanuts while corporate fucks reap the benefits of the efforts of artists. capitalists.

there is a bright side for me...a more refreshing side. i do tend to enjoy queer eye. pretty funny, honest, straight up kinda guys. I find them very refreshing and helpful to watch. they actually are helping men image wise, building confidence as well. and of course- carson is my favorite. this leads me to another question.....why do women love gay guys???? i find some to be very entertaining. lol!

Saturday, September 13, 2003

things needed

it's about that time...time for what you ask? time to take my ASS home
get off the job.

in search of website designers....anybody?
help!
please.......

Sunday, September 07, 2003

random acts of service...and thievery

how many times have you gone to get food and the person behind the counter has grossed you out? yesterday i made a quick run to sonic on my 15 minute break...I'm out there chillin waitin on my food to come out. it finally does and the server that brought it out had something ill going on with his fingernails.
now maybe im just a picky bitch but his nails were dark-brown crusty. i'm thinking to myself-does the manager of this place even check for this with employee's?

my feelings on this matter:
i say that these are things that a manager should look at. besides he's actually taking people their food. i didnt even want to get my damn change back let alone food. mr boo-boo hands made a real nasty impression on me. the hands got to get better man!!

on another note i really dislike working on the weekends...im on a job search-gotta keep looking. can't stop won't stop!

....8/29/03....
ok i'm not pissed anymore about my car being broken into...actually I started out a little perturbed by it but by the time I arrived at work-I had given myself a real dope pep talk. "keeping positive, giving thanks" those types of things....and I tell ya every now and then i think about it. The loser broke my back window to steal my bag that I carry. only 1 bag...funny thing is I'm sure the thief thought he had some shit. well he did have a zone of herb i just bought, a few cd's:

ALL 3 of the Fertile Ground cd's I had
julie dexter - dexterity
Me Shell- Cookie
Floetry
Bilal
Kindred
Joi
Dwele
Aquemini
Fela Kuti
Eric B & Rakim

most of my favorites....i can't help but to think that my shit is in somebodies trash can...cause the average joe prob has no idea of who any of the artists that I had are.....also one of my books of writings in gone! I figured i could replace all that shit so I wouldn't get all mad or throw fits because it could have been worse. but let me say this to the thieves of las colinas(dallas)......."U dirty mutha____ u could have at least left a lil something for a sista to smoke on...that's the least you could've done... knowing i would be traumatized once I awakened to a broke ass window."
ok im done now!
thanks for listening.....
lol!

Friday, September 05, 2003

propaganda










new stuff....!!!

Ntheknow



Hennessy
Presents
The 4th Annual Lyrical Underground, hosted by Grammy Award Winner Erykah
Badu
Please forward to your database!

Lyrical Underground: A Spoken Word Competition
Saturday, September 6, 2003
8:00 p.m.
The Women¹s Museum (located in Fair Park)
3600 Parry Avenue, Dallas, Texas 75226

Complimentary Drink Tickets with price of Admission!
Admission: $15.00 at the door
Dress Code: Yo Flava!


Lyrical Underground is a spoken word competition designed to celebrate the
camaderie of literacy and the quest of lyrical vibrations.

To compete for Lyrical Underground, visit Reciprocity Open Mic this Friday,
August 29, 2003 at 10:30 p.m. The Top 12 Winners from Reciprocity will
compete for $1000 first place, second place $750 and third place $500
awards. CASH PRIZES!!! For Reciprocity information, contact Tish at
214-941-4428. Reciprocity, 210 Tyler Street, Dallas, Texas 75208.

For directions or additional information log onto ntheknow.com and/or
dallasweekly.com.

Proceeds from Lyrical Underground will benefit Reciprocity.

Sponsors: The Dallas Weekly Newspaper, 97.9FM/The Beat, Coca-Cola, The
Women¹s Museum, Universal Motown Record Groups, Global Printing, Southwest
Mobile Media, www.Ntheknow.com

For additional information, please contact Sherilyn K. Smith at
214-428-8958 ext. 313 or e-mail her at sksmith@dallasweekly.com.

Monday, September 01, 2003

growing painz

one thing that bothers me about people is how selfish we can be about what we want...blinding us from seeing that life really isn't about what "we" want..scenario goes it's about 9:30pm last night I'm laying down sleep I get a phone call..person on the other ends says "hey what you doin", I say "i'm alseep-laying down". caller says, "oh well, girrrrl this party is a trip- and I thought you was coming-and i wanted to see you and I......." so here is when i interrupted in my ok now im pissed because i told yo azz I was sleep tone..."YO I said I was sleep, i'm bout to go peace." the problem I have is this- this particular person does this everytime I say Im busy or I can't talk now. It's as if I never said I was busy because 30 minutes later i
m still on the phone listening to bullshit banter....but I do believe I made my point very clear last night. kinda sad that I would even have to react that way but oh well.

the neediness of attention.
there are some people that require much attention from others. I am one that doesn't require much. But I do understand that attention is healthy. But when it forces one person to compromise everything about themselves then it's wrong! and I don't agree with it. so I take measures into my own hands. after repeated attempts at explaining to this person, that I can NOT offer the things that they need or want--how am I going to get them to see that I aint interested. too much baggage and I don't have the strength to keep this in my cypher. *POOF* 190 proof goes down smooth........
so many of us are needing or searching and we latch on to people and things as crutches. Instead of realizing enough is enough. this is nothing more than another self realization point i've come too. we make ourselves available for people and people feed off of that. sometimes end up missing out or not getting because you have given so much. gotta move past this point-learn the lesson because I dont want to keep repeating the same shit!

Thursday, August 28, 2003

The root of bestiality ...what do you think?

Bestiality came about when man first had sex with what the Bible (Jonah 3:8) calls Behemoth – which are human beasts, of the fields – not dogs. It was way back during the period of time when the lepers lived in the Caucasus Mountains. The Canaanites began to lose their power to reproduce because of a lack of melanin, which depleted the salt in their bodies and it had reached a dangerous minimum. Their lacking in the full amount of melanin, which activates the iodine, can interfere with their reproductiveness. So, the males came down from the mountains to kidnap the Nuwaubian (aka brown) women of the villages, in order to have sexual relations and reproduce an offspring that would not bear the full curse of leprosy. They wanted to return to a pure state; but, the curse of the father “fell” on the son even up to the fourth generation (Numbers 14:18). In order to assure security, the Aryans migrated with their Nuwaubian captives from the Caucasus Mountain to what is known today as India, to mix in with the original Indians (Hindi). This is why some east Indians look like Nuwaubians, with 6-ether (straight, goatish) hair and Nuwaubian features.

The female lepers who did not mix were pushed further back up into the mountains and fell so low (due to the shortage of males), as to lay with and have sexual intercourse with beasts, such as the jackal, which is an ancestor of today’s dog. The Canaanites seed was kept alive because the Canaanite women and the jackal mated. This is also how and where venereal disease came about.

back for the 9th time

nausea, sneezing, coughing, aching, feverish
just a few of the symptoms I have while im sickly with this stupid flu/cold.
miserable feelings....damn that should be the next song I write...lol!
It has been a while since I even touched a pen. my words have been
bombarded by bits and pieces of bullshit I took into my cypher.
being that my cipher strength is 128 bit...lol I got rid of the shit!

anyways started a new gig. it's aight- I'm always on the phone and pc
which gets boring as hell. but the blessing here is I will have time to do
whatever work it is I need to get done. *hint ((endaikeio.com))

making moves....transition in progress

Thursday, August 07, 2003

hot in hur!!!!!

it's 106 degrees in Dallas today.....DAMN it's hot dan a summa biscuit!
my legs are sweating.....lol!

meanwhile I am ready for the weekend this week.
got milk?

sike

Thursday, July 24, 2003

dealing with my 33 1/3



step into the realm of consciousness!
and exactly what is consciousness- as defined by Merriam Webster

Main Entry: 1con·scious
Pronunciation: 'kän(t)-sh&s
Function: adjective
Etymology: Latin conscius, from com- + scire to know
Date: 1592
1 : perceiving, apprehending, or noticing with a degree of controlled thought or observation
2 archaic : sharing another's knowledge or awareness of an inward state or outward fact
3 : personally felt
4 : capable of or marked by thought, will, design, or perception
5 : SELF-CONSCIOUS
6 : having mental faculties undulled by sleep, faintness, or stupor : AWAKE
7 : done or acting with critical awareness
8 a : likely to notice, consider , or appraise
b : being concerned or interested c : marked by strong feelings or notions

so what does one mean when they refer to themselves as conscious? are they saying that they are aware and not engaged in a deep sleep?

my definition as it applies to me:
i have always believed consciousness is when i'm awake and aware that i'm awake and alive. not a label that i place on myself because i loc my hair or eat raw foods and only read books based on the african diaspora. that's not conscious that's placing oneself in a box. i'm conscious because i am awake and realize the beauty in locs, gold teeth, vegans, christians, 50 Cent, The Discovery Channell, HBO, WU Tang Clan and everything else in the world.

we are all guilty of labeling and fitting ourselves in boxes on shelves. i am making a conscious effort to erase those labels and re-define the state of consciousness for myself. on a mission to uplift my spiritual and mental body.

now you do you

Wednesday, July 23, 2003

sumday, today--maybe?

ok it's been too many damn days.....
still without work...
i give thanks for the blessings i've received thus far....

ok im two steps from becoming a damn bartender. maybe that would be fun!...lol
....my head hurts-be back lata

Wednesday, July 16, 2003

wishing well

trying to stay in good spirits about my recent job loss....
i can't help but to be scared as i contiuosly search for new employment.
i'd rather not go in detail about what happened let's just say---I really don't
know what the hell happened...i just know i'm out of a job.
but nevertheless i'm keepinh true to what i feel and i'm going to make some
shit happen soon!.....

this is the first break I've taken away from my search. i took a little
personality test to lift my spirits....dammit it really only reveals how super boring i am.
don't you think so?

DisorderRating
Paranoid:Low
Schizoid:Moderate
Schizotypal:Moderate
Antisocial:Low
Borderline:Low
Histrionic:Moderate
Narcissistic:Moderate
Avoidant:Low
Dependent:Low
Obsessive-Compulsive:Low

-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --



Friday, July 11, 2003

that's my word...i do tend to flip verbs... and sometimes swerve to keep from hittin birds...3rd

" so we slept all day, stayed out all night
green didn't sell so we switched to white
"

sometimes in life you think your plan is set and your on your way something happens! bam and shit changes just like that. with the blink of an eye everything that you thought you knew- you really aint know nothing at all. in my many travels i've met so many that claimed to know this or that. i have even claimed to know much in my short life. but in no way would i want to promote an ego of any sort. ego is less Divine like. why is it so hard for common folk to understand that knowledge is infinte...so infinite that we don't know all.
i have an unconditional love for my people but there are times when i just want to slap the shit out some of yall. excuse me as i ramble on about such and such.... this is off the top-uncensored and live via your computer screen.

"serving dope selling weed, we had to hustle just to eat"

some shit is self inflicted. the task is finding out what is and isn't. learning how to rationalize things down to a science. we bring certain things and situations on ourselves. i do believe in oppression, slavery and any other binding tactic used to restrain. outside of these particular things how much of your struggle is because of how you live your life? how much is really your fault? or are you just content with blaming the world instead of looking at reality in a clear glass? but check it on the flip side of all this shit do you believe you do what you gotta to get where you wanna? I do but at what cost $$$$?

these are just some things that i have on the mental.

is it me or am i the only one really loving MJB? right now she is repping positive light for NUBIAN women. seriously i think this sis will be one of the greats. Mad respect goes out to Mary.