dealing with my 33 1/3

step into the realm of consciousness!
and exactly what is consciousness- as defined by Merriam Webster

Main Entry: 1con·scious
Pronunciation: 'kän(t)-sh&s
Function: adjective
Etymology: Latin conscius, from com- + scire to know
Date: 1592
1 : perceiving, apprehending, or noticing with a degree of controlled thought or observation
2 archaic : sharing another's knowledge or awareness of an inward state or outward fact
3 : personally felt
4 : capable of or marked by thought, will, design, or perception
5 : SELF-CONSCIOUS
6 : having mental faculties undulled by sleep, faintness, or stupor : AWAKE
7 : done or acting with critical awareness
8 a : likely to notice, consider , or appraise b : being concerned or interested c : marked by strong feelings or notions

so what does one mean when they refer to themselves as conscious? are they saying that they are aware and not engaged in a deep sleep?

my definition as it applies to me:
i have always believed consciousness is when i'm awake and aware that i'm awake and alive. not a label that i place on myself because i loc my hair or eat raw foods and only read books based on the african diaspora. that's not conscious that's placing oneself in a box. i'm conscious because i am awake and realize the beauty in locs, gold teeth, vegans, christians, 50 Cent, The Discovery Channell, HBO, WU Tang Clan and everything else in the world.

we are all guilty of labeling and fitting ourselves in boxes on shelves. i am making a conscious effort to erase those labels and re-define the state of consciousness for myself. on a mission to uplift my spiritual and mental body.

now you do you

sumday, today--maybe?

ok it's been too many damn days.....
still without work...
i give thanks for the blessings i've received thus far....

ok im two steps from becoming a damn bartender. maybe that would be fun!...lol
....my head hurts-be back lata

wishing well

trying to stay in good spirits about my recent job loss....
i can't help but to be scared as i contiuosly search for new employment.
i'd rather not go in detail about what happened let's just say---I really don't
know what the hell happened...i just know i'm out of a job.
but nevertheless i'm keepinh true to what i feel and i'm going to make some
shit happen soon!.....

this is the first break I've taken away from my search. i took a little
personality test to lift my spirits....dammit it really only reveals how super boring i am.
don't you think so?

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Low
Schizoid:	Moderate
Schizotypal:	Moderate
Antisocial:	Low
Borderline:	Low
Histrionic:	Moderate
Narcissistic:	Moderate
Avoidant:	Low
Dependent:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Low
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

that's my word...i do tend to flip verbs... and sometimes swerve to keep from hittin birds...3rd

" so we slept all day, stayed out all night
green didn't sell so we switched to white"

sometimes in life you think your plan is set and your on your way something happens! bam and shit changes just like that. with the blink of an eye everything that you thought you knew- you really aint know nothing at all. in my many travels i've met so many that claimed to know this or that. i have even claimed to know much in my short life. but in no way would i want to promote an ego of any sort. ego is less Divine like. why is it so hard for common folk to understand that knowledge is infinte...so infinite that we don't know all.
i have an unconditional love for my people but there are times when i just want to slap the shit out some of yall. excuse me as i ramble on about such and such.... this is off the top-uncensored and live via your computer screen.

"serving dope selling weed, we had to hustle just to eat"

some shit is self inflicted. the task is finding out what is and isn't. learning how to rationalize things down to a science. we bring certain things and situations on ourselves. i do believe in oppression, slavery and any other binding tactic used to restrain. outside of these particular things how much of your struggle is because of how you live your life? how much is really your fault? or are you just content with blaming the world instead of looking at reality in a clear glass? but check it on the flip side of all this shit do you believe you do what you gotta to get where you wanna? I do but at what cost $$$$?

these are just some things that i have on the mental.

is it me or am i the only one really loving MJB? right now she is repping positive light for NUBIAN women. seriously i think this sis will be one of the greats. Mad respect goes out to Mary.

your defenses become fences (c) Tricky

got to thinkin today after being asked a question "does christanity make any sense?"
wondering how does one even attempt to answer this question. yes i think it does make sense. now say if the question had been posed differently. "does religion make sense?" now this one is somewhat easier to generalize down to the last and say HELL NO! i'm only posing for the no side because of religions long lasting effects on humans as a whole. separatists favor religion i believe. because it divides us. but it's really funny how most people are not aware of this division. we just live in our day to day usual lives that don't consist of thinking about the state of man.

str8 banner jackin byotch!!!!

and



ok somebody hire me on at their record company....I'm a walking music billboard.
so if ya got the hook up on an internship or job in my field HOLLLA AT ME!!!!

she's gone "postal"

I'm at my breaking point at this job!!!! I'm about to lose my fucking
mind. having to deal with people who don't know what the hell is
going on. this is extremely hard to do. we have appointed people to
help us with our process. funny thing is every two to three days
the damn process changes. and they wonder why shit is all fucked up.
how do you even know what process works or not if the shit changes
every other day. so this makes my job harder.

nobody's listening to the folk that's familiar with the work. this
is where the problem comes in. how can one change something that
he knows nothing about??? and 2 months later none of it has worked!!!
dumbasses.....lol! it's all funny but sad to me. i know that i can no longer
stress myself out about bullshit that i deal with at work. i know that it's
unhealthy for me to consume myself in whats going on here till i can't function
on my off time. i'm tired of feeling like that. and then dealing with
my own personal issues and issues with friends or whatever. it's too much
i just want to quit!!!!!!!!!! i want to fucking quit!! i want to go back to
birmingham........i want to dis-associate myself from selfish people, this oppressive
ass job, and backstabbers i've come to
know. i want to leave this hot ass city.

all this stuff hurts because i figure if i live my life in a positive manner
then positive-ness will be shown. but that ain't the case. Nothing
here makes me smile at all...not even a little.