In Defense of R. Kelly...wtf..(fcuk r. kelly!!!!)

skimming through bulletins....i found something of interest and disgust:

Date: May 14, 2005 10:21 PM

Ok Chicagoan here it is I am gonna say how I feel about R. Kelly's "Trapped in the Closet". For you non-Chicagoans who's not familiar with the song R. Kelly has done a five part series. He has only released two. I love R. Kelly I have never his that fact I love everything he do. Even if you guys don't admit it R. Kelly repped chicago harder than da brat,donell jones or any other artist that came out platnium. So very short time ago he was our king of sexual song and he was becoming bigger than any male artist off the charts. Before Usher came with confession before Mario even thought about getting his head braided there was Kel's and yeha he makes mistake like ALLL Humans do but who are we to judge him. No one no one at all we all have faults and down falls that makes us who we are we just don't have media hypin it up like they do. Now let's get to this Trapped in the closet people chill out !!! There are five series to the song we are just on number two. Who knows who that man is at the door, hey he may not be the preachers lover at all. we might find out that he the deacon at the church or he might be the security that was downstairs at the door or maybe the preachers bestfriend who was in the car and kel's was mistaken. WHO KNOWS don't jump to the conclusions just yet have faith in kel's he's a freaking genius and I love it . They played the song only once and had pastors and people getting ready to protest lol Already. Damn the song isn't even at the half way point and people our saying it un-moral and should be banned. KEL'S I GOT YOUR BACK KEEP DOING YOUR THING! Who are we to stop his creativity. Leaves my mans alone lol tell me what you think if you don't have the song download it off limewire.com or something p.e.a.c.e

***not putting anyone on blast...i just felt compelled to add my $5.......


ok. this is bullshit on many levels to me.
1. this isn't about judging it was CLEAR that kelly was fuckin young broads....by all means THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE. unacceptable for a grown man..i don't care how much a child throws ass at you....you have power of CHOICE. use it bitch!
2. for people to wipe the shit under rug in the name of...fuckin music is ignorant and inappropiate. "oh but he make hot shit" fuck him and his music!!!

the message to me says: why it's ok to fuck young girls if your a man of means with plenty of $$ to throw around....but hey, you can't be black and someone THINKS you fuck little boys...why your going down. (mj) well maybe if mike was a catholic priest why then it's justified.....ha! fucking hypocrites....

i think this society has gotten away from what's really real...and we are led by bullshit...and that's our defense. there are strong signals and messages here..most i find are in support of men. forget the livlihood of young women who are put in these situations....why they are considered whores, skanks, bitches..rats or whatever demeening name you can think of....women have been molested, been victims of rape for centuries....and now...we cry out in the name of poor boys across the country. don't get me wrong to touch any child is wrong. i' haven't seen many stops in the name of...she.

i'm sorry i can't and won't support r. kelly ever again until.....there's some sort of verbal apology issued or at least acknowledge what he's done....he has yet to do that.
so he can live in a damn closet for all i care.....lol ...all these attempts at clearing himself only makes him out to be the biggest hypocrite on earth. jesus walks huh....walked right into that room & fucked the shit out that child. how would you feel if that child was yours? answer that honestly...and then tell me how quickly you'd run to virgin mega to cop a new kelly album....FOOLS!

niggas will FALL for anything. and if we allow it...it'll KEEP happening. we've given permisson to rape/molest our kids. which is fine, it only means our daughter will be more fucked up than the last generation...so keep on fuckin em kells......

now have a nice evening and sleep on that!

Has religion helped you lately????

"what would jesus do"

to tell you the truth i have no fcuking idea. never met the man...i've heard the wonderful testiments of those faithful believers..i've listened to the know it all pastors of the world..i've even studied, read the bible..back to front...but never have i met the man.

as a young child i would get up each sunday morning rushing to get ready for sunday school....i'd throw tantrums because i just didn't overstand the purpose of church. what i did overstand was if i didn't attend there'd be no privileges the coming week. i knew that if i didn't get my ass up & out on time there was no phone or nothing...so what do you think happened? i got that ass up & out...lol. the problem i see with this is...i was never told the importance of why i was there to begin with...it was always understood that on sundays this is what niggas do. the go to church pray to that false white replica jesus that's featured on your church walls.
personally, i'd sit through service honing my writing skills and eating mad pieces of grandma's candy! that was ideal for me. i never could follow what my pastor was talking on. went in one ear out the other. the longer i sat in church i'd lose more of my attention that was to be on the sermon..i'd focus on other things...mentally. wasn't until i became a member of the choir did i respect or know what church was about. i still didn't overstand why we were there...it was solely about the....what?? music. music is my life no matter the genre. god speaks to me through song.

at age 18...what i respectfully call my "rebel gal" stage...i rebelled, said fcuk church! i didn't see how it helped me to become a better person...besides all this time i'd attended this black christian southern baptist church...not once did this church teach me the important things...for instance..egypt was in africa. i knew nothing of the sort....once i found out...i was extremely pissed that no real teaching existed in my church. so i took matters into my own hands....started becoming inquisitive about life and religion..i would frequent the masjid and temples in search of.......self. i'd read taoist scriptures, bhagavad-gita and others also in search of..something. i'd always been told that i shouldn't seek out these other schools of thought. why so? i'd ask..do they know something the christian schools don't? if so, i want to know what those thoughts are..
for me, religion is a tool used to enslave and it's been proven. look at the mass numbers of black and brown folk who BELIEVE. believe in this mystical being that's going to come save them all....but the same BELIEVERS have bouts with trusting the likes of real deities that actually lived.... Ra,Amun,Amon,Petro, Rada,Amen, Imhotep, Anubis, Ma'at, Nepthys,Osiris,Isis,Ammut,Aker,Geb,Hathor,Khepri,Obatala,
Shango,Oggun,Elegu,yemaya,Olurun,Loa,Mut,Nut,Taurt,Seth.... i can go on & on....and i swear only a small portion of you probably won't follow this through....cause you simply, don't know. and weren't taught.

what our black churchs should do: is teach us at early ages who we are as people....our culture...where we come from..to overstand where we're going. as my unlce says "any person who accepts religion over their culture is a DAMN fool". i agree whole heartdly. how could we accept what we haven't seen over what is here as proof? i don't understand it....why yes, blame it on FAITH. faith is the substance......but faith is as shaky as a belief....all have room to hold doubt. but knowing is a different game entirely. once it's known, know one can take that away. i can't believe that in 2005 in our black churchs still hang those pictures of a white face-long haired jesus...with his 12 other white face friends...watching over the many who praise his mystical name.....you would think that would've changed by know.....once a slave..will always be..until those slaves realize that they were already free.....

this is not in hate of jesus or any religion. matter of fact i find truth in all things. but to those who deem themselves as followers of christ...need to overstand what it is they're following. research these bible stories....because that's just what they are...and the book is simply a book of some of the greatest poetry ever written. written by one of the most prolific writers in WESTERN history. & NO....inspired by....doesn't mean god inspired it......remember this country was founded on: IN GOD WE TRUST. those same words inscribed on those bills in your pocket, the same words you see on every government/federal building...put there by people who didn't believe as you. the same people who have made it part of the constitution to separate church & state. think about that for a minute.

religion. the worlds greatest marketing scheme EVER!

peace
Current mood: amused

Bottled up..

thing is...i sometimes don't know what it is i'm feeling. i feel too much at once. nothings ever enough....pile one feel on top another....which leads to the many conflictions with self that i tend to have....living life in a bottle...fighting to get to the opening at that top....leaves me tired and aimless....i don't wanna fight no more! that's what i'm thinking.....not necessarily the best solution....victimizing oneself internally should be a crime...punish me to the fullest degree...that way i know where this suffering comes from..

"life so cold there ain't no depth, i'm so free i'm trapped in me, i swear i'd go if i could leave" seems to replay in my head...dancing around various thoughts of negativity...waiting to penetrate the surface. one hurdle. two hurdle. jump jump...but don't fall off track....as i said..i feel too much at once. all i wanna do is feel one thing at a time...there aren't enough hours i day..for the amount of emotions i exposed ona regular. .leaving this sista as vunerable as a new born. open. unsure of which direction to take. i prefer the one that makes a difference. which way is up? so many questions not enough answers...which means..i don't know everything. nor do i claim to know...confusion is confusing.

finding the way through is even more challenging.

Souls cry out....

where does one reside when there's no safety net to fall on? how does one make a move when all the pieces to the game have been played? it seems...how are dreams born when i have none? where's the song in my heart when i'm all out of words?

i reach back- deep within these walls for a solution to carry me over to my next life. my spirit gives birth to this fire inside...but am i to hide this fire when it's been lit? if it were a gift from the creator..why do i feel so punished for the spark? perhaps it's mind over/under matter..and some shit really does matter to me? ponder much but leave something to the imagination to fall in lust with....this gift cursed those who aren't willing to travel the distance to be......just.BE.

expose this soul to show forth what is buried beneath where only i can see...blessed to witness the vunerable and the strong all at once. yet, some still question who i am...question me to question you..that's what i'm here for.

i'm into pleasuring you..and "nothing's more beautiful".

though i live within my head...reality grounds me. knowing understanding and learning through these eyes i witness truth. balance me there along side you.

It doesn't matter

it doesn't matter.
no matter what i try i still think.u.
tried closing these eyes but somehow
my mind relied on it to pass time...
it doesn't matter.
suffered in silence just to keep this a secret..
words are to sweet...
i need them.these thoughts consumed me..&..
it still doesn't matter.where do i store this feel?
keep it hidden in thebackyard till another time.
if time allows.somehow i'm no longer a believer
in time or space.excuses used to erase &
not embrace our fears ....yet it didn't matter.
wrap these feelings in plastic so they won't
splatter.tip toed around to keep from making
any sounds..as i conclude...what really mattered?
i'm so confused as to what it all means...
my thoughts, feelings, space, time and
lack of words.
should it matter?

Revelations of self complexity.

an ego trip...not! a revelation. in love with self...bad/good. i love it all. i am the most confident, insecure muthafucker i know! but i do practice what i preach..once the realism kicks in and i'm no longer thinking emotionally. i flip flop moods on a regular basis....i spit while standing on street corners...and sometimes grab the crotch of my pants as if i'm reliving a past life...where i was once a man. balanced on shaky ground.

i spit words like truth, god, honesty and love on a regular...i'm adament about giving....although it's a task receiving it. but i'm the teacher so someone has to be the student. i'm materialistic but so nag champion bohemian my scent lights up the room. you know i've been in your space. the scent is forever in your pillowcase. i'm of the world cause i live in it. truth that there's a mighty creator...but oh so skeptic that jesus ever was.....fuck your prescription pills-herb is my medicine..heals all my ailments. i puff when i awake...puff before i rest....i'll spark herb till i can't. love me or leave me alone. i'd die for my family...that includes my own. i am an attention whore seeking to be alone. unfocused - knows what she wants.

rude gal..moody blues..in love with all things natural...yes women too. i recognize the GODIS is u. i speak what i feel but am often quiet..till provoked. i arhbor much anger from childhood past....knowledge from growth through the years. i'm lazy and inspired all at once. organized and confused in the same sentence. i appear close but am so far away. fuck time. i make my own. i don't own a watch, still i know the hour. i rise early in the am...fall asleep late in the am. addicted to footwear and music...my drugs of choice. a singer but i sometimes hate the sound of my own voice. fixated on the stars, cosmic astrology, religion and the mind. anything occult i find of interest...haven't been to church in many years. god is within. my own energy drains me at times..i'm often surrounded by those who find light in my spirit...i'm too consumed in my thoughts to notice those flirting with this ball of confusion.

complex simplicity. fighting diversity as i'm simply human. i am all things. not just one. shallow and deep..swimming in the same ocean. gone off the deep end just to make a point. celibate with sex on the mind constantly..humorous and serious the next. ass lover by law...with a dislike for my own breast. lol. excited on the inside but i rarely smile on the out..attracted to some of god's most beautiful creations. struggling vegetarian with a weakness for cheese...the peace keeper and shit starter. the knowledge and the dummy. gift and the curse. southern drawl speaking proper grammer "run..on sentence" fragments....through thoughts. drip drop of the mind...water. think b4 i speak...forget to think b4 reacting...emotional nonchalant rollercoaster....riding this life.

i am complex.

Please, be honest with self/ Crazy thing bout love is..

if more people were honest with themselves then it's much
easier to be honest with YOU! -nkybaaw

sure, we say "i'm an honest person, or i'm upfront about this or that"...but when the time comes and opportunity pours...what happens...you return to your shells thus NOT being honest with anyone....not even you! your hiding! "COME OUT, COME OUT whereever you are!" i see you for what you are. and there's nothing wrong with any of it....we have to learn who we are and what our makeup involves...then it's much easier to LIVE within our bodies and transmit some REAL shit to others. caught up are we??? remember...game will always recognize game. BEEN THERE DONE THAT...and now i'm more aware of who and what i am. so it's easier to treat a bitch like a bitch and a godis as that! i've been and am both. role play....you say. i think so....each of us has a certain role to play in life...thing is determining what role that is...and living up to that so called role. it's ok.

i've played these roles as following: thief, naive little girl, sensitive chic who gets by on that(remember i'm an aries(masters @ disguise) and i can play roles WELL), negative nigga(whew who doesn't know 1 of these), lowdown dirty scoundrel, the chic who'll steal your girl(this one is fun fun), positive inscense burner(respectively nag champions), clueless, pimpin tiff with the dope shoes(wait i still fiddle with this one er now and again.lol-looks r deceiving), that chic who just don't give a FCUK!, naughty bitch, confused, nasty girl..ok yall get the point...but once i realized just how many faces i could possibly have....i learned MORE and MORE about who i was....some of the shit i really didn't like. others i struggle with NOW to change or balance out with what it is i want to be.....and that's a positive sista, who's very honest with herself, open sometimes vunerable to those i REALLY care about, with dreams that are now becoming reality-millionariess who can finally afford ms. ...........right. lol! yeah!(i know what u were thinking-but i didn't say it...snicker*) fact is...i'm not getting any younger and i want to possibly have those 2 lil bambino's i talk about...so i can help raise em...and school em and hip them to GOOD MUSIC...i always dreamed or raising a lil music prodigy...mogul child....lol don't laugh at my dreams yo! this is real shit....but i had to realize parts of who i was to get me to become who i need to be.

lessons. and they don't stop. so we're 4ever learning.
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1 crazy thing about love is: you never stop loving. once you've been in it...it's there...implanted on your brain. not your heart...your heart only pumps blood and controls your flow.
i was in love once...and she was some of the things i always wanted. but couldn't be all because of her struggle to know self. & i respect the hell outta you for it! hmmm. we all struggle with self..but some of us take this struggle very serious...she's no different. there were things i didn't understand at the time....but of course i wouldn't..love blinded me.

crazy thing about love is.....crazy & love appear to be the same. the way it makes you feel. that fine line with both....insanity. makes you do strange things.

it was GREAT hearing your voice and your words...they mean so much to me. i know that we are now in different walks of life..but i wish you well in yours. i'm happiest for you that your happy...because i know what you've gone through to get to that place. there are no grudges held...for what? you were and still are one of my good FRIENDS. that won't change...growth. i see it in you.....and it is beautiful! take care and fcuking keep a sis posted on that wedding issue! keep spreading those wings!
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oh, just wanted to say..if yall bitches don't have or haven't heard of julie dexter...and you call yourself "INTO" music...especially soul, jazz type sounds...and you don't have julie.....YOUR MISSING OUT BATCHES! go GIT IT HOE! JULIE-i wanna marry you!
that's all....return to your cubes and continue working. thanks.

The unlearning/learning of Ms. Tutt

how does one determine when enough is enough? how do you know when you've reached that point. that defining moment when you know that you've reached that limit. no..not that barrier limit that i often speak on...but that limit after you've tried & tried to make all that's in front you work. whether good or bad..you've exhausted most of the possibilities....now your just....left with thoughts of the what nots...and what ifs. i've tested and tried this theory for myself. i've achieved and failed. but through each i've learned so much about me.

my strengths and weaknesses. i'm learning me each day with each experience. in which all cause me to grow. but grow into what exactly? i don't know anyone on this great planet that likes to fail at anything. i take failure very personal. but over the years i've come in direct contact with failure and achievements.. the last couple of years of my life have been defining moments in who tiffany is and was to become. i can recall the days of stability-something that i knew a great deal about.....i can recall those times...that i took for granted thining...that majority of my life would be that way. until, of course i'm thrown the greatest monkey wrench in my life game.....the ups and downs. or should i define them as tests of my personal truth(faith). yes...let's call em' that. tests. life is a test. moreso i'll make that comparison to the game of chess....one of which i don't know how to fully play....go fcuking figure.

i feel as if i've been wanderer. wondering through this life...unsure of where i'm headed. no direction or real focus. wait a minute....i've had focus in my life. but i will honestly say that i spent a good part of it focusing on things that weren't meant for me...but predetermined by others. once i was ready to face me and awaken these dreams to realities...i realized i had no real focus. i grew up thinking...hmmm, i'll get that job, husband, career, children.....yada yada.....and things will go accordingly. somewhere along the way.....i awakened. i wanted to know...self. so i engaged on this journey to find the real tiffany. buried in books, different groups and social scenes...i realized that none of those things really defined who i was. or what i liked or wanted for my life. this was age 26. hmmmm..... i learned @ 26 what i missed during my most primitive years....because i didn't take real time to find....out who and exactly what i was.

change. has been the most prominent lesson i've learned. and it is the most consistant. so used to things being a certain way...i was forced to make certain changes because i for one...didn't make them voluntarily. * it's true what they say..if you don't change on your own..you will be forced too! i believe that to the fullest...as my life is an example of that truth.

still, there's so much i haven't figured out and i've got much to learn. the process is an everyday one. there are the good days...and then there are the ones in which i never want to experience again in life. i've never been the type to contemplate the extreme when it comes to some shit i can't handle...but within the last 2 years i won't lie and say that i haven't had a small thought...of just ended everything. final. i'm too coward and i know there's a special place for those who take matters like that into their own hands. so that wasn't an option. and never will be. the only option is...to overcome my insecurities and make my thoughts a reality. there is no other way.

as i've wandered across this country in search of the real meaning of things...i realized what things were most important to me. i'd created habit of making those things that were of little to no importance...the most important shit. that is something i'm now...un-learning. i've bottled my feelings in for so long till i'd become an emotional ball of puddy. i'm un-learning that as well. with this i'm also learning that through my need to be open/vunerable it tends to make my closest friends/associates/lovers/fam very uncomfortable. but i won't compromise myself or hide that because you, can't really handle it...because all it really does it make one reflect on themselves...and we already know that the many of us are scared as shit to face themselves. besides..through my own issues i'm helpling you to face you....unselfishly. but yeah..... i'd been relying on people and things to make me happy and...that too...is being replaced with a more real point of view. no longer. if i don't repsond to you in the same manner it is of course because.....of change and my need to adhere to it....and also the need to just simply....do me. not doing my mother, father, girlfriend, or foe.

i'm simply doing me. so much seemed unclear to me....but i had to remove the blinders and get real. i can see things. can you?

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