casually and calmly is the mental for the day.
while on my way to work this morning totally engaged by the sounds of Ice Cold-Andre 3000's Vibrate...i got to thinking about the symbolism in this song...which can be taken in many different forms....One could be the sexual undertone...the other could be the need to make change.....well for me.....my sexual energy was challenged. kind of sucks it happended on the way to work...how weird is that? just the thought of playing with my own score sheet has been a taboo type thang.....that i'd never put much energy into until i got older. just the thought of masterbation made me uneasy at a young age....i was never really taught about masterbation and people's need for it. sexual liberation is what i've lack for some time....not saying that i am not a sexual being- i think i made my transition a little later than most young ladies. nevertheless i've made do......
why is the topic of sex so taboo amoung americans...especially black americans. we tend to shy away from actually teaching our kids about sex..but yet we sell it like it's the greatest thing around. i've often wondered why my mother taught me about sex but didn't really spend much time talking about masterbation.....i tend to believe i would've been more of a free spirit if i'd explored my sexual side much earlier....not necessarily having sex but just talking to different people and sharing my experiences....not to mention being molested at the age of 9 really didnt help too much.....and it wasn't until i was 18 that i actually acknowledged that i'd been molested. that was one of the most hardest things to digest. i was left confused about my sexuality. i wasn't sure that i should share it...then there's the stay a virgin till marriage thing....well that was my philosophy for majority of my life until the summer of 97. that's when i met a certain woman...an older woman at that!
need i say more on that subject...well just a little..she opened doors inside of me that i didnt know were there. i was intrigued...never b4 had i thought about another woman but oh well shit happens...that was my thinking then and still is....so skip hop to years later-a couple of same sex relationships later....after all of my confusion about who i was...i can finally say that i have opened to the idea of masterbation, porn and some other things as well outside of sex. oh and i will say that i'm a porn enthusist...har har ha!!! yes indeed i got that jake steed if that's what you need.....lol
on a serious note im open at this point to what life brings me. whether it's masterbation, same sex relations or whatever im better equipped at handling these situations...why yes there are things that i haven't explored....maybe i will maybe i won't but im open too....so we shall see what's in place for I.
how in the hell did i get to this place.....damn i started out talking bout masterbation ...now i den left the can open....lol uggh yeah and please refrain from asking me questions about me being with men...because i love the brothas....mos def got dammit!! like i said im open. so it is what it has been and what it will be. until Maxwell or Andre or Julian Marley calls me back i don't know what to do.......hehe
i got a secret.....Im sorta attracted to that dude Avant....he's kinda sexy or sumthyn huh?
or is it jus me....
i need a lift.....peace
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