sistren dedication.

common traits:
from conversation to conversation one thing remains consistant. we all have our issues. women and men.specifically i'm speaking on my fellow sistren.wombangodisnot that queen title...save that term for theenglish as they like to call their women whores.so yeah.

over the years i've had many conversations withvarious women about similiar or non similiar interests. specifically lesbian women. maybe it's my need to know and need to analyze er got damn thang. but i've been wanting to get to the top of this for some time.

let's see: there's the she must be lesbian cause something must've happened with her daddy.or the not so great molestation stories many ofus seem to share. then there's the plain olejust wasn't presented with a choice.

this is mad informal so pardon me as my thoughtsmay seem jumbled and out of context. bare with me.

2 different conversations with 2 different women at once..neither of which knew of one another..but profoundly enough both talked about the sameexact thing at that same exact time. coincidence.no there are none.
i've found that as women we have a large amount of weight we are carrying around.. built upanger, hurt, frustration, pain, happiness, apathyand so on.....most of it carried over fromchildhood into adulthood and look at her now...
she's all fucked up mentally.
i'm fucked up mentallyher..
fucked up mentally.
internal self hate starts to attach itself like leeches to your center. next thing..your consumed in everything except for the right thing.self right..being what you need at that given momentto rid yourself of all those supressed fears and thoughts you've accumalated.

truth is..many of us don't realize how fargone we are. we don't look at ourselves seriously.i mean like seriously looking at yourself. i'm saying this as if it's an easy task...nah aint shit easy in life cept for some ass.

i've found myself in tears and wasn't sure asto why. many nights i've wondered why i havethis issue and that one..and why i've surpressed myself for so long....inside my own issues.where did the surpressing start? what triggered it?will i ever unlearn this behavior?

will i ever be free inside my own head? or willi always remain a slave to my carnal surpressed thoughts?
experience shapes us. they say the more u go through the stronger person you will become. shiiiid...i should be hercules then. but i'm not.all i know is i feel like i'm so fucked up on the inside....and most of it had little todo with me. but more to do with what happened as a child.

**it all starts at home. wondering what my fam would've done if i'd told them what really went downwith ccousin ray and i. would they have told me to "keep it on the hush"?

this brings to mind a question...one i've often wondered. why would a family insist on keepingsuch a tragic thing under raps? who suffers from this?i'll tell you who.....
she does.
she does
i do
you do
her children suffer
her childrens children
her
womb an

suffering = DUKKA
life is suffering.
pain and love are one in the same.that fine line of insanity. we walk these miles daily with hopes of someday beingas free as we can be. or as much as the government allows.lol. i mean we all know we not really free....right?

battered
abused
tortured souls
whores
tricks
raped

just a few of the many ills we women have sufferedand try to overcome. but many fall short but stillmanaged to pass the side affects on down through totheir siblings ar children.
*sighs.

*****i'm tired and i can't really write no more..so i'mma stop this here and and on as i see fit. cause my head hurts and i'm not in the best of moods or spirits.

sorry i'm on some carl thomas *emotional right now.
*dedicated to my sistren*