this moment of clarity..reliving my cycles

*disclaimer* brought to u in part by a clear sound mind..free of any emotional irrational behaviors* this is well thought out.....GO!....lol

is there a such thing as clarity as it involves u and another?the way i see it...there's this fine line of what you think you deserveand what you actually receive....i mean it's a very FINE line.

i'm thinking if i give out positiveness, love and all that...i should get that in return from the universe. but in some circumstances it's thosein which u admire or adore most who simply....shit on u when that moment of clarity is needed.

u know the dreadful:

"i ain't go to tell u shit" or "u can't have the answers u want, so let it be"

yeah those....and normally these repsonses follow a series of before events.like lies, deceit(sp?) things of that nature. i always thought that if i put outpositive i'll somehow receive that. if it's in my realtionship with family or my partner. i would get that back. right? that's part of the karma process...right?

i figured if i wanted or needed an explanation that i could surely receive that...
as i did/would/have provided u with such
instead when my needs are out front....they're not respected or treated with care...this is where i start to feel...............u get shitted on(here's that phrase again)

i've created a cycle.

old feelings..new feelings...past, present and future. my past mistakes i begin thinking of them...my patterns..the people i chose to letin...i question me. but sometimes it's not me. but i always question numero uno.

figured this time would be different as i explained my previous patterns and thingsthat have happened in my life...but it makes no difference when it comes down towhat a person needs or wants.... but in my attempts to become one i leave room for chances at least 2.(well depending on the nature of the hurt)
the 3 strikes rule..all part of my unconditional self i plan to master.

selfishness(this is another topic, another day)

which brings me to....

NEEDS vs. WANTS

ahhh which comes first? is what we want always good for us before what we need?will the need last longer than the want? is it ok to want/need both at the same time?or is this a matter of convience? availabilty?

hmmm
these r the things i ponder.

i am an instrument. and i was played. game recognize game. thanks amp!