so many thoughts, so little time:
how much of that time will I get to prepare myself for what's ahead? today I made one of the biggest decisions I've had to make in sometime. ever had to tell someone that you couldn't do something. well me, i'm used to saying yes-when it comes to family and friends. today was one of those times when i had to say no. no i can't help you out this time. no i can't help save your situation. saying no really took a lot out of me.
what's this all about?: diagnosing the problem
my need to take care of other's situation and my own. except i put my own second to others needs. which has not been the best or smartest thing i've done but we all learn from our mistakes. i like to be of help. my problem is helping people when i have my own shit going on. putting my needs first. that is my issue and no one is to blame except me. "how can you help someone else when you can't help yourself"......words from someone...............well those words were felt moreso today than any other. loud and clear as a matter of fact!
the feelings I have:
mixed. it hurts to not be able but maybe i am helping in another way. could my no possibly be the thing that's needed to make the parties involve make moves? I'd like to think that it will spark some change. that's what my inner voice says to me. but I still can't help my ill feelings- still processing things mentally.
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nothing but space...
space all around me..every where I turn to lean there's nothing but space.
vast amounts of space
but so
little
time......
I would've wanted things to be just fine
but space came through and defied my idea
changed their minds
now all I have is space
and little
time
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