Amoeba Flush

In Defense of R. Kelly...wtf..(fcuk r. kelly!!!!)

2005-05-15T12:52:00.000-05:00

skimming through bulletins....i found something of interest and disgust:

Date: May 14, 2005 10:21 PM

Ok Chicagoan here it is I am gonna say how I feel about R. Kelly's "Trapped in the Closet". For you non-Chicagoans who's not familiar with the song R. Kelly has done a five part series. He has only released two. I love R. Kelly I have never his that fact I love everything he do. Even if you guys don't admit it R. Kelly repped chicago harder than da brat,donell jones or any other artist that came out platnium. So very short time ago he was our king of sexual song and he was becoming bigger than any male artist off the charts. Before Usher came with confession before Mario even thought about getting his head braided there was Kel's and yeha he makes mistake like ALLL Humans do but who are we to judge him. No one no one at all we all have faults and down falls that makes us who we are we just don't have media hypin it up like they do. Now let's get to this Trapped in the closet people chill out !!! There are five series to the song we are just on number two. Who knows who that man is at the door, hey he may not be the preachers lover at all. we might find out that he the deacon at the church or he might be the security that was downstairs at the door or maybe the preachers bestfriend who was in the car and kel's was mistaken. WHO KNOWS don't jump to the conclusions just yet have faith in kel's he's a freaking genius and I love it . They played the song only once and had pastors and people getting ready to protest lol Already. Damn the song isn't even at the half way point and people our saying it un-moral and should be banned. KEL'S I GOT YOUR BACK KEEP DOING YOUR THING! Who are we to stop his creativity. Leaves my mans alone lol tell me what you think if you don't have the song download it off limewire.com or something p.e.a.c.e

***not putting anyone on blast...i just felt compelled to add my $5.......

ok. this is bullshit on many levels to me.
1. this isn't about judging it was CLEAR that kelly was fuckin young broads....by all means THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE. unacceptable for a grown man..i don't care how much a child throws ass at you....you have power of CHOICE. use it bitch!
2. for people to wipe the shit under rug in the name of...fuckin music is ignorant and inappropiate. "oh but he make hot shit" fuck him and his music!!!

the message to me says: why it's ok to fuck young girls if your a man of means with plenty of $$ to throw around....but hey, you can't be black and someone THINKS you fuck little boys...why your going down. (mj) well maybe if mike was a catholic priest why then it's justified.....ha! fucking hypocrites....

i think this society has gotten away from what's really real...and we are led by bullshit...and that's our defense. there are strong signals and messages here..most i find are in support of men. forget the livlihood of young women who are put in these situations....why they are considered whores, skanks, bitches..rats or whatever demeening name you can think of....women have been molested, been victims of rape for centuries....and now...we cry out in the name of poor boys across the country. don't get me wrong to touch any child is wrong. i' haven't seen many stops in the name of...she.

i'm sorry i can't and won't support r. kelly ever again until.....there's some sort of verbal apology issued or at least acknowledge what he's done....he has yet to do that.
so he can live in a damn closet for all i care.....lol ...all these attempts at clearing himself only makes him out to be the biggest hypocrite on earth. jesus walks huh....walked right into that room & fucked the shit out that child. how would you feel if that child was yours? answer that honestly...and then tell me how quickly you'd run to virgin mega to cop a new kelly album....FOOLS!

niggas will FALL for anything. and if we allow it...it'll KEEP happening. we've given permisson to rape/molest our kids. which is fine, it only means our daughter will be more fucked up than the last generation...so keep on fuckin em kells......

now have a nice evening and sleep on that!

Has religion helped you lately????

2005-05-11T17:37:00.001-05:00

"what would jesus do"

to tell you the truth i have no fcuking idea. never met the man...i've heard the wonderful testiments of those faithful believers..i've listened to the know it all pastors of the world..i've even studied, read the bible..back to front...but never have i met the man.

as a young child i would get up each sunday morning rushing to get ready for sunday school....i'd throw tantrums because i just didn't overstand the purpose of church. what i did overstand was if i didn't attend there'd be no privileges the coming week. i knew that if i didn't get my ass up & out on time there was no phone or nothing...so what do you think happened? i got that ass up & out...lol. the problem i see with this is...i was never told the importance of why i was there to begin with...it was always understood that on sundays this is what niggas do. the go to church pray to that false white replica jesus that's featured on your church walls.
personally, i'd sit through service honing my writing skills and eating mad pieces of grandma's candy! that was ideal for me. i never could follow what my pastor was talking on. went in one ear out the other. the longer i sat in church i'd lose more of my attention that was to be on the sermon..i'd focus on other things...mentally. wasn't until i became a member of the choir did i respect or know what church was about. i still didn't overstand why we were there...it was solely about the....what?? music. music is my life no matter the genre. god speaks to me through song.

at age 18...what i respectfully call my "rebel gal" stage...i rebelled, said fcuk church! i didn't see how it helped me to become a better person...besides all this time i'd attended this black christian southern baptist church...not once did this church teach me the important things...for instance..egypt was in africa. i knew nothing of the sort....once i found out...i was extremely pissed that no real teaching existed in my church. so i took matters into my own hands....started becoming inquisitive about life and religion..i would frequent the masjid and temples in search of.......self. i'd read taoist scriptures, bhagavad-gita and others also in search of..something. i'd always been told that i shouldn't seek out these other schools of thought. why so? i'd ask..do they know something the christian schools don't? if so, i want to know what those thoughts are..
for me, religion is a tool used to enslave and it's been proven. look at the mass numbers of black and brown folk who BELIEVE. believe in this mystical being that's going to come save them all....but the same BELIEVERS have bouts with trusting the likes of real deities that actually lived.... Ra,Amun,Amon,Petro, Rada,Amen, Imhotep, Anubis, Ma'at, Nepthys,Osiris,Isis,Ammut,Aker,Geb,Hathor,Khepri,Obatala,
Shango,Oggun,Elegu,yemaya,Olurun,Loa,Mut,Nut,Taurt,Seth.... i can go on & on....and i swear only a small portion of you probably won't follow this through....cause you simply, don't know. and weren't taught.

what our black churchs should do: is teach us at early ages who we are as people....our culture...where we come from..to overstand where we're going. as my unlce says "any person who accepts religion over their culture is a DAMN fool". i agree whole heartdly. how could we accept what we haven't seen over what is here as proof? i don't understand it....why yes, blame it on FAITH. faith is the substance......but faith is as shaky as a belief....all have room to hold doubt. but knowing is a different game entirely. once it's known, know one can take that away. i can't believe that in 2005 in our black churchs still hang those pictures of a white face-long haired jesus...with his 12 other white face friends...watching over the many who praise his mystical name.....you would think that would've changed by know.....once a slave..will always be..until those slaves realize that they were already free.....

this is not in hate of jesus or any religion. matter of fact i find truth in all things. but to those who deem themselves as followers of christ...need to overstand what it is they're following. research these bible stories....because that's just what they are...and the book is simply a book of some of the greatest poetry ever written. written by one of the most prolific writers in WESTERN history. & NO....inspired by....doesn't mean god inspired it......remember this country was founded on: IN GOD WE TRUST. those same words inscribed on those bills in your pocket, the same words you see on every government/federal building...put there by people who didn't believe as you. the same people who have made it part of the constitution to separate church & state. think about that for a minute.

religion. the worlds greatest marketing scheme EVER!

peace
Current mood: amused

Bottled up..

2005-05-11T17:35:00.001-05:00

thing is...i sometimes don't know what it is i'm feeling. i feel too much at once. nothings ever enough....pile one feel on top another....which leads to the many conflictions with self that i tend to have....living life in a bottle...fighting to get to the opening at that top....leaves me tired and aimless....i don't wanna fight no more! that's what i'm thinking.....not necessarily the best solution....victimizing oneself internally should be a crime...punish me to the fullest degree...that way i know where this suffering comes from..

"life so cold there ain't no depth, i'm so free i'm trapped in me, i swear i'd go if i could leave" seems to replay in my head...dancing around various thoughts of negativity...waiting to penetrate the surface. one hurdle. two hurdle. jump jump...but don't fall off track....as i said..i feel too much at once. all i wanna do is feel one thing at a time...there aren't enough hours i day..for the amount of emotions i exposed ona regular. .leaving this sista as vunerable as a new born. open. unsure of which direction to take. i prefer the one that makes a difference. which way is up? so many questions not enough answers...which means..i don't know everything. nor do i claim to know...confusion is confusing.

finding the way through is even more challenging.

Souls cry out....

2005-04-28T15:12:00.000-05:00

where does one reside when there's no safety net to fall on? how does one make a move when all the pieces to the game have been played? it seems...how are dreams born when i have none? where's the song in my heart when i'm all out of words?

i reach back- deep within these walls for a solution to carry me over to my next life. my spirit gives birth to this fire inside...but am i to hide this fire when it's been lit? if it were a gift from the creator..why do i feel so punished for the spark? perhaps it's mind over/under matter..and some shit really does matter to me? ponder much but leave something to the imagination to fall in lust with....this gift cursed those who aren't willing to travel the distance to be......just.BE.

expose this soul to show forth what is buried beneath where only i can see...blessed to witness the vunerable and the strong all at once. yet, some still question who i am...question me to question you..that's what i'm here for.

i'm into pleasuring you..and "nothing's more beautiful".

though i live within my head...reality grounds me. knowing understanding and learning through these eyes i witness truth. balance me there along side you.

It doesn't matter

2005-04-19T16:22:00.000-05:00

it doesn't matter.
no matter what i try i still think.u.
tried closing these eyes but somehow
my mind relied on it to pass time...
it doesn't matter.
suffered in silence just to keep this a secret..
words are to sweet...
i need them.these thoughts consumed me..&..
it still doesn't matter.where do i store this feel?
keep it hidden in thebackyard till another time.
if time allows.somehow i'm no longer a believer
in time or space.excuses used to erase &
not embrace our fears ....yet it didn't matter.
wrap these feelings in plastic so they won't
splatter.tip toed around to keep from making
any sounds..as i conclude...what really mattered?
i'm so confused as to what it all means...
my thoughts, feelings, space, time and
lack of words.
should it matter?

Revelations of self complexity.

2005-04-19T16:13:00.000-05:00

an ego trip...not! a revelation. in love with self...bad/good. i love it all. i am the most confident, insecure muthafucker i know! but i do practice what i preach..once the realism kicks in and i'm no longer thinking emotionally. i flip flop moods on a regular basis....i spit while standing on street corners...and sometimes grab the crotch of my pants as if i'm reliving a past life...where i was once a man. balanced on shaky ground.

i spit words like truth, god, honesty and love on a regular...i'm adament about giving....although it's a task receiving it. but i'm the teacher so someone has to be the student. i'm materialistic but so nag champion bohemian my scent lights up the room. you know i've been in your space. the scent is forever in your pillowcase. i'm of the world cause i live in it. truth that there's a mighty creator...but oh so skeptic that jesus ever was.....fuck your prescription pills-herb is my medicine..heals all my ailments. i puff when i awake...puff before i rest....i'll spark herb till i can't. love me or leave me alone. i'd die for my family...that includes my own. i am an attention whore seeking to be alone. unfocused - knows what she wants.

rude gal..moody blues..in love with all things natural...yes women too. i recognize the GODIS is u. i speak what i feel but am often quiet..till provoked. i arhbor much anger from childhood past....knowledge from growth through the years. i'm lazy and inspired all at once. organized and confused in the same sentence. i appear close but am so far away. fuck time. i make my own. i don't own a watch, still i know the hour. i rise early in the am...fall asleep late in the am. addicted to footwear and music...my drugs of choice. a singer but i sometimes hate the sound of my own voice. fixated on the stars, cosmic astrology, religion and the mind. anything occult i find of interest...haven't been to church in many years. god is within. my own energy drains me at times..i'm often surrounded by those who find light in my spirit...i'm too consumed in my thoughts to notice those flirting with this ball of confusion.

complex simplicity. fighting diversity as i'm simply human. i am all things. not just one. shallow and deep..swimming in the same ocean. gone off the deep end just to make a point. celibate with sex on the mind constantly..humorous and serious the next. ass lover by law...with a dislike for my own breast. lol. excited on the inside but i rarely smile on the out..attracted to some of god's most beautiful creations. struggling vegetarian with a weakness for cheese...the peace keeper and shit starter. the knowledge and the dummy. gift and the curse. southern drawl speaking proper grammer "run..on sentence" fragments....through thoughts. drip drop of the mind...water. think b4 i speak...forget to think b4 reacting...emotional nonchalant rollercoaster....riding this life.

i am complex.

Please, be honest with self/ Crazy thing bout love is..

2005-03-16T13:49:00.000-06:00

if more people were honest with themselves then it's much
easier to be honest with YOU! -nkybaaw

sure, we say "i'm an honest person, or i'm upfront about this or that"...but when the time comes and opportunity pours...what happens...you return to your shells thus NOT being honest with anyone....not even you! your hiding! "COME OUT, COME OUT whereever you are!" i see you for what you are. and there's nothing wrong with any of it....we have to learn who we are and what our makeup involves...then it's much easier to LIVE within our bodies and transmit some REAL shit to others. caught up are we??? remember...game will always recognize game. BEEN THERE DONE THAT...and now i'm more aware of who and what i am. so it's easier to treat a bitch like a bitch and a godis as that! i've been and am both. role play....you say. i think so....each of us has a certain role to play in life...thing is determining what role that is...and living up to that so called role. it's ok.

i've played these roles as following: thief, naive little girl, sensitive chic who gets by on that(remember i'm an aries(masters @ disguise) and i can play roles WELL), negative nigga(whew who doesn't know 1 of these), lowdown dirty scoundrel, the chic who'll steal your girl(this one is fun fun), positive inscense burner(respectively nag champions), clueless, pimpin tiff with the dope shoes(wait i still fiddle with this one er now and again.lol-looks r deceiving), that chic who just don't give a FCUK!, naughty bitch, confused, nasty girl..ok yall get the point...but once i realized just how many faces i could possibly have....i learned MORE and MORE about who i was....some of the shit i really didn't like. others i struggle with NOW to change or balance out with what it is i want to be.....and that's a positive sista, who's very honest with herself, open sometimes vunerable to those i REALLY care about, with dreams that are now becoming reality-millionariess who can finally afford ms. ...........right. lol! yeah!(i know what u were thinking-but i didn't say it...snicker*) fact is...i'm not getting any younger and i want to possibly have those 2 lil bambino's i talk about...so i can help raise em...and school em and hip them to GOOD MUSIC...i always dreamed or raising a lil music prodigy...mogul child....lol don't laugh at my dreams yo! this is real shit....but i had to realize parts of who i was to get me to become who i need to be.

lessons. and they don't stop. so we're 4ever learning.
***************************************
1 crazy thing about love is: you never stop loving. once you've been in it...it's there...implanted on your brain. not your heart...your heart only pumps blood and controls your flow.
i was in love once...and she was some of the things i always wanted. but couldn't be all because of her struggle to know self. & i respect the hell outta you for it! hmmm. we all struggle with self..but some of us take this struggle very serious...she's no different. there were things i didn't understand at the time....but of course i wouldn't..love blinded me.

crazy thing about love is.....crazy & love appear to be the same. the way it makes you feel. that fine line with both....insanity. makes you do strange things.

it was GREAT hearing your voice and your words...they mean so much to me. i know that we are now in different walks of life..but i wish you well in yours. i'm happiest for you that your happy...because i know what you've gone through to get to that place. there are no grudges held...for what? you were and still are one of my good FRIENDS. that won't change...growth. i see it in you.....and it is beautiful! take care and fcuking keep a sis posted on that wedding issue! keep spreading those wings!
****************************************
oh, just wanted to say..if yall bitches don't have or haven't heard of julie dexter...and you call yourself "INTO" music...especially soul, jazz type sounds...and you don't have julie.....YOUR MISSING OUT BATCHES! go GIT IT HOE! JULIE-i wanna marry you!
that's all....return to your cubes and continue working. thanks.

The unlearning/learning of Ms. Tutt

2005-03-14T12:35:00.000-06:00

how does one determine when enough is enough? how do you know when you've reached that point. that defining moment when you know that you've reached that limit. no..not that barrier limit that i often speak on...but that limit after you've tried & tried to make all that's in front you work. whether good or bad..you've exhausted most of the possibilities....now your just....left with thoughts of the what nots...and what ifs. i've tested and tried this theory for myself. i've achieved and failed. but through each i've learned so much about me.

my strengths and weaknesses. i'm learning me each day with each experience. in which all cause me to grow. but grow into what exactly? i don't know anyone on this great planet that likes to fail at anything. i take failure very personal. but over the years i've come in direct contact with failure and achievements.. the last couple of years of my life have been defining moments in who tiffany is and was to become. i can recall the days of stability-something that i knew a great deal about.....i can recall those times...that i took for granted thining...that majority of my life would be that way. until, of course i'm thrown the greatest monkey wrench in my life game.....the ups and downs. or should i define them as tests of my personal truth(faith). yes...let's call em' that. tests. life is a test. moreso i'll make that comparison to the game of chess....one of which i don't know how to fully play....go fcuking figure.

i feel as if i've been wanderer. wondering through this life...unsure of where i'm headed. no direction or real focus. wait a minute....i've had focus in my life. but i will honestly say that i spent a good part of it focusing on things that weren't meant for me...but predetermined by others. once i was ready to face me and awaken these dreams to realities...i realized i had no real focus. i grew up thinking...hmmm, i'll get that job, husband, career, children.....yada yada.....and things will go accordingly. somewhere along the way.....i awakened. i wanted to know...self. so i engaged on this journey to find the real tiffany. buried in books, different groups and social scenes...i realized that none of those things really defined who i was. or what i liked or wanted for my life. this was age 26. hmmmm..... i learned @ 26 what i missed during my most primitive years....because i didn't take real time to find....out who and exactly what i was.

change. has been the most prominent lesson i've learned. and it is the most consistant. so used to things being a certain way...i was forced to make certain changes because i for one...didn't make them voluntarily. * it's true what they say..if you don't change on your own..you will be forced too! i believe that to the fullest...as my life is an example of that truth.

still, there's so much i haven't figured out and i've got much to learn. the process is an everyday one. there are the good days...and then there are the ones in which i never want to experience again in life. i've never been the type to contemplate the extreme when it comes to some shit i can't handle...but within the last 2 years i won't lie and say that i haven't had a small thought...of just ended everything. final. i'm too coward and i know there's a special place for those who take matters like that into their own hands. so that wasn't an option. and never will be. the only option is...to overcome my insecurities and make my thoughts a reality. there is no other way.

as i've wandered across this country in search of the real meaning of things...i realized what things were most important to me. i'd created habit of making those things that were of little to no importance...the most important shit. that is something i'm now...un-learning. i've bottled my feelings in for so long till i'd become an emotional ball of puddy. i'm un-learning that as well. with this i'm also learning that through my need to be open/vunerable it tends to make my closest friends/associates/lovers/fam very uncomfortable. but i won't compromise myself or hide that because you, can't really handle it...because all it really does it make one reflect on themselves...and we already know that the many of us are scared as shit to face themselves. besides..through my own issues i'm helpling you to face you....unselfishly. but yeah..... i'd been relying on people and things to make me happy and...that too...is being replaced with a more real point of view. no longer. if i don't repsond to you in the same manner it is of course because.....of change and my need to adhere to it....and also the need to just simply....do me. not doing my mother, father, girlfriend, or foe.

i'm simply doing me. so much seemed unclear to me....but i had to remove the blinders and get real. i can see things. can you?

Subscribe to VERBALISMS! now !!!!

2005-01-06T14:30:00.000-06:00

sistren dedication.

2004-12-25T01:50:00.000-06:00

common traits:
from conversation to conversation one thing remains consistant. we all have our issues. women and men.specifically i'm speaking on my fellow sistren.wombangodisnot that queen title...save that term for theenglish as they like to call their women whores.so yeah.

over the years i've had many conversations withvarious women about similiar or non similiar interests. specifically lesbian women. maybe it's my need to know and need to analyze er got damn thang. but i've been wanting to get to the top of this for some time.

let's see: there's the she must be lesbian cause something must've happened with her daddy.or the not so great molestation stories many ofus seem to share. then there's the plain olejust wasn't presented with a choice.

this is mad informal so pardon me as my thoughtsmay seem jumbled and out of context. bare with me.

2 different conversations with 2 different women at once..neither of which knew of one another..but profoundly enough both talked about the sameexact thing at that same exact time. coincidence.no there are none.
i've found that as women we have a large amount of weight we are carrying around.. built upanger, hurt, frustration, pain, happiness, apathyand so on.....most of it carried over fromchildhood into adulthood and look at her now...
she's all fucked up mentally.
i'm fucked up mentallyher..
fucked up mentally.
internal self hate starts to attach itself like leeches to your center. next thing..your consumed in everything except for the right thing.self right..being what you need at that given momentto rid yourself of all those supressed fears and thoughts you've accumalated.

truth is..many of us don't realize how fargone we are. we don't look at ourselves seriously.i mean like seriously looking at yourself. i'm saying this as if it's an easy task...nah aint shit easy in life cept for some ass.

i've found myself in tears and wasn't sure asto why. many nights i've wondered why i havethis issue and that one..and why i've surpressed myself for so long....inside my own issues.where did the surpressing start? what triggered it?will i ever unlearn this behavior?

will i ever be free inside my own head? or willi always remain a slave to my carnal surpressed thoughts?
experience shapes us. they say the more u go through the stronger person you will become. shiiiid...i should be hercules then. but i'm not.all i know is i feel like i'm so fucked up on the inside....and most of it had little todo with me. but more to do with what happened as a child.

**it all starts at home. wondering what my fam would've done if i'd told them what really went downwith ccousin ray and i. would they have told me to "keep it on the hush"?

this brings to mind a question...one i've often wondered. why would a family insist on keepingsuch a tragic thing under raps? who suffers from this?i'll tell you who.....
she does.
she does
i do
you do
her children suffer
her childrens children
her
womb an

suffering = DUKKA
life is suffering.
pain and love are one in the same.that fine line of insanity. we walk these miles daily with hopes of someday beingas free as we can be. or as much as the government allows.lol. i mean we all know we not really free....right?

battered
abused
tortured souls
whores
tricks
raped

just a few of the many ills we women have sufferedand try to overcome. but many fall short but stillmanaged to pass the side affects on down through totheir siblings ar children.
*sighs.

*****i'm tired and i can't really write no more..so i'mma stop this here and and on as i see fit. cause my head hurts and i'm not in the best of moods or spirits.

sorry i'm on some carl thomas *emotional right now.
*dedicated to my sistren*

domain...looking

2004-12-23T18:12:00.000-06:00

so i'm domain shopping.
who has info on good domains ...space that can host me! i got mad traffic so i need a nice place to call home.

thanks.

SURFACE FRONTS: EXPERIMENT WITH STYLE/DECEPTION

2004-12-15T16:24:00.000-06:00

"TRUTH IS FROM THE INSIDE OUT,WE HAVE BEEN TRYING TO HEAL WITH SUPERFICIAL SURFACE FRONTS,DON'T GET CAUGHT UP IN THINKING THAT I AM NOT QUOTE UNQUOTE CONCIUOS. THAT I DO NOT LIKE TO EXPERIMENT WITH STYLE,THAT'S DECEPTION! TRUTH IF FROM THE INSIDE OUT! GO NICE WEAVE...DO YA THANG... "SHOOT ME CAUSE I WEAR WEAVE WHILE I GROW MY NATURAL!"

ummm, wtf? you know i'm bout to kill this right? you know your wrong for it....i just so happenedi was encouraged by a friendto visit your spot and i saw thisfor the 1st time....ummm.....lol

this is like seeing T.D. Jakes on 35 riding in the back of a Rolls Royce. WTF?

one thing has nothing to do with the other.

the fuck is the purpose of naturally growingyour hair but placing a wig on top? growth stunt if you ask me...and serious identity issues..a lack of self KNOWLEDGE. trying to exist between 2 different worlds...you can't.

your either dead or alive. good or bad.but not both simultaneously. maybe one or theother but not both at one time. impossible.

but

you are entitled to be you. but first figureout who the you is....without jumping onevery cool thing you see. natty afro on tuesday and silken asian weaveon thursday. screams I KNOW NOT OF SELF!

sorry: it's not about switching styles...thisis moreso about switching personalities to suit the IN crowds you drift among. your image of self IS DRIVEN BY OTHERS IMAGE OF YOU!

"stop to think what your doing"

this isn't a diss..i repeat not a diss. i'm "just keepin it real"

energy:create:fear

2004-12-03T01:38:00.000-06:00

funny how life is sometimes. just when you thought everything was okay. your suddenly wrong. and everything you want to do has been done by someone somewhere..the idea. or ideas. or is it simply energy transforming and metamorphing(making words up) itself into becoming...it/whatever/everything?

we are energy, we can not be created or destroyed, we just change form

creativity. the blessing given by the creator. it is our duty to create some thing. that is the way of giving back. we are talented for a reason. whether we acknowledge it or not is yet another task. have you been creative today, yesterday or other day? any day?

"one door closes another door opens". this is truth. not looking past/back at what mistakes...but will use those as guides=insight=wisdom. we are all guided by something...which side are you on? we were born naked..only to be sheltered with layers later used to hide/bury.

fear. balance as means of existing behind so many layers upon layers. stifling yet crippling itself deeper into your normal routine, you realize your trapped. in fear.by fear for fear self. fear god. fear life. fear death. fear happiness. the positive in that? if there is one. erase fear. unlearn. the hardest type learning there is. undo not needed cycles/patterns/negative trends. oh that goes for friends too. undo. no hard feel. it has to come to this.

enuff of that. my eyes are crossed,
tossed slossed laid to the side....
ha! meaning: i'm sleepy.
i should be in bed. dreaming. of [u]. ?who? stop! [u]

music rant coming soon!!!!!

"shame on a nigga"

2004-11-15T01:20:00.000-06:00

...who tried to run game on a nigga,
wu, ill fuck yo ass up"

R.I.P.
to one of the grimiest, stankin ass, gold teef havin
shit stained drawls, welfare check scheming, 15 children ass
havin, burnt dick gonnnooreeeh patient ass niggas to date!

ol' dirty was a true original spirit..and he will be missed.
at least by me.

your in your final resting place sun.....no worries.

BLACK MAN IS GOD!!!!!

UBIQUITY || NEW | SA-RA CREATIVE PARTNERS | REWIND 4

2004-11-12T19:05:00.000-06:00

*** PLEASE REPOST & HELP SPREAD THE WORD ABOUT INDIE MUSIC / ARTISTS (Thx - The Ubiquity Crew)

The Rhythm of Life - November 11, 2004

IN THIS NEWSLETTER:

1. NEW: SA-RA CREATIVE PARTNERS - DOUBLE DUTCH 12"
2. VOTE FOR SA-RA: PICK YOUR FAVORITE TUNE ON BBC
3. NEW: V/A- REWIND! 4 12"
4. AS ONE - OUT OF THE DARKNESS CD/DLP
5. JEREMY ELLIS 12"
6. PLATINUM PIED PIPERS 12"
7. THE BREAKESTRA 12"

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"Ubiquity supply two of the best Records of the Year (I shidt you not)!"
PICCADILLY RECORDS

"Ubiquity is untouchable right now!"
DOMU

"One of the Labels of the Year"
GILLES PETERSON (BBC / RADIO 1)

“I'm placing my money on Ubiquity taking away 'Best Label' at this years Worldwide awards!”
FRANCINE HAYFRON (PRODUCER | HOT POT SHOW FEAT. MR. SCRUFF & TREVA WHATEVA)

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(1): SA-RA CREATIVE PARTNERS - DOUBLE DUTCH 12"

http://www.ubiquityrecords.com/mpeg/ur162_01.mp3 - Double Dutch (Co Co Pops)
http://www.ubiquityrecords.com/mpeg/ur162_02.mp3 - Instrumental
http://www.ubiquityrecords.com/mpeg/ur162_03.mp3 - Hangin’ By a String
http://www.ubiquityrecords.com/mpeg/ur162_04.mp3 - Death of a Star
http://www.ubiquityrecords.com/mpeg/ur162_05.mp3 - Instrumental
http://www.ubiquityrecords.com/mpeg/ur162_06.mp3 - Space Theme

* Upcoming features in Flaunt, Dazed & Confused, as well as gracing the cover of the Winter Issue of Straight No Chaser Magazine.

"SA-RA is my shit right now! That’s all I’m listening to!”
KANYE WEST

"Next level music - SA-RA is the future"
ERYKAH BADU

"I'm a big fan of SA-RA... you got yourself a monster!"
RHETTMATIC (BEAT JUNKIES)

"One of the most anticipated new releases of the year - some next level tackle here....this four track EP will find favour with fans of Outkast, Madlib, P-Funk, Disco and anyone into the cutting edge of modern music. That means you."
FAT CITY RECORDS

"Record of The Week.. Do Not Miss! If you like the Outkast style, quirky end of hip hop, you're gonna love this!"
PICCADILLY RECORDS

"SA-RA is a bi-coastal, 3-man production team who have somehow managed to blend the raw un-quantized feel of Jay Dee production with the freak appeal of Funkadelic for a sound that is entirely their own...this is some real significant shit."
TURNTABLE LAB

This is the first all exclusive Ubiquity single from the super hot US production trio responsible for material by the likes of Common, Jill Scott, Erykah Badu, Pharoahe Monche, Bilal, Dr. Dre, Jurassic 5, and many more. Pronounced "Sah-Rah", Om'Mas Keith, Taz Arnold, and Shafiq Husayn comprise the partnership and their name translates to "the off-spring of the most powerful energy in the universe". These are children of the cosmos, ready to blast you with their magical mystical soul.

“Double Dutch” is a mid-tempo banger with male, female and vocoder’d vox, combined with Neptunes style crunchy beats that blur the lines between hip-hop, soul and dance music. “Death of A Star” sees the trio drop into 80s roller-skating territory that would make Prince quite jealous, features another vocal and a hook you’ll be humming for days. Both sides end with a bonus mad instrumental track for the DJs and heads. Meanwhile, the "Sa-Ra Space Theme" with its jazzy hip-hop instrumental feel will appeal to fans of Madlib's Yesterdays New Quintet project, while "Hanging By A String" with its raw gritty bangin beats will have Jay Dee fans taking notice. Something for everyone!

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VOTE FOR SA-RA: PICK YOUR FAVORITE TUNE ON BBC RADIO 1'S ONECLICK

Three of BBC / Radio 1's specialist DJs including Worldwide's Gilles Peterson supplied their round-up of tomorrow's tunes today. Amongst the five songs selected was SA-RA Creative Partner's blazing tune "Double Dutch" along with "Booty (La La)" from our good friends Bugz in the Attic.

Votes will be counted until November 14, 2004. To vote for the track you like best, Click Here:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio1/oneclick/recordbox/

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(3): VARIOUS ARTISTS - REWIND! 4 12"

http://www.ubiquityrecords.com/mpeg/ur161_01.mp3 - Rebirth 'Evil Vibrations' (Mighty Ryeders / De La Soul)
http://www.ubiquityrecords.com/mpeg/ur161_02.mp3 - PPP 'The Look of Love' (Burt Bacharach / Hal David)
http://www.ubiquityrecords.com/mpeg/ur161_03.mp3 - Yam Who? 'The Star of A Story’ (Heatwave)

* Heavy Radio Airplay on BBC / Radio 1 (Gilles Peterson & Benji B), KCRW, and lots more.

"The Rebirth's cover of 'Evil Vibrations' will be the Chocolate City anthem for the next few months!
GARTH TRINIDAD (LA, KCRW 'CHOCOLATE CITY')

”Rebirth have smashed it with this double cover...and PPP get ill on their vocoder thang...just awsome...Ubiquity is untouchable right now...”
DOMU

"Amazing.... I have been playing these cuts off cdr for a loong time"
KING BRITT (FIVESIX RECORDINGS)

”Fantastic! Absolutely adore the covers of Evil Vibrations and The Star Of The Story. Great idea, great tributes!”
RAINER TRÜBY (TRÜBY TRIO)

This exclusive sneak preview of the forthcoming Rewind series features LA based The Rebirth, Detroit’s Platinum Pied Pipers and UK remix kings Yam Who? Between them they cover “Evil Vibrations” originally by the Mighty Ryeders (and sampled famously by De La Soul), The Burt Bacharach and Hal David classic “The Look of Love” and disco fave “The Star of A Story” originally by Heatwave respectively. All tracks are exclusive to Rewind, none will be featured on the artists upcoming albums!

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(4): AS ONE - OUT OF THE DARKNESS (CD/DLP) URCD/LP158

FOR FANS OF: Jazzanova, Carl Craig, Recloose, Boards of Canada

Massive Radio Play from the likes of Gilles peterson’s “Worldwide", Benji B’s “Deviation”, Patrick Forge’s “Cosmic Jam”, Nick Luscombe’s “Flo-Motion”, Ninja Tune’s “Solid Steel Radio Show”, and added to rotation on over 50 radio stations in the US.

"A blend of the vintage and the cutting edge... Degiorgio seamlessly integrated his love of funk and jazz with relentlessly futuristic sounds"
XLR8R

"Reflects his refound interest in American soul and hip hop... Ubiquity is holding down some serious material at the moment."
STRAIGHT NO CHASER (TRANSATLANTIC AUDIO)

“A force to reckon with in hip-hop and dance”
MIAMI NEW TIMES

"Degiorgio has combined his immense production skills with the sweetest soul music to create an exceptional piece of work"
TRUST THE DJ

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(5): JEREMY ELLIS - LOTUS BLOOMS 12"

FOR FANS OF: Metro Area, Recloose, Jazzanova, Carl Craig

“Collaborating with the likes of John Arnold and Amp Fiddler, and counting Jazzanova and Gilles Peterson among his fans, Ayro is the Detroit soul man of the moment!”
FLAVORPILL.COM

“The Jeremy Ellis shit is butterfunk and latin soul that makes me smile. Waiting for more of Ayro’s genius.”
J. BOOGIE (OM)

"Awesome soulful vibes....this definitely stays in the CD case for a good while.”
DAZ-I-KUE (BUGZ IN THE ATTIC)

”Bananas!”
MONKONE (WAX POETICS)

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(6): PLATINUM PIED PIPERS - STAY WITH ME 12"

FOR FANS OF: Jay Dee, Slum Village, Jill Scott, Dwele, Erykah Badu

"The light has come on, forget Talib Kweli, Jill Scott and Raphael Saddiq the hot shit this fall is PPP... " - GAMALL AWAD (RUDE MOVEMENTS, NYC)

"If you're at all a fan of Detroit artists like Slum Village, Jay Dee and Dwele, or just quality soul music in general, do not pass this release up!"
- DJ LANGUAGE (TURNTABLE LAB, THE FADER, NEGRO CLASH, NYC)

"This is honest to God real soul music" - XLR8R

"One of the most talked about artists of the year has been Waajeed and his Platinum Pied Pipers project... blending Detroit hip hop style with 21st Century soul flavor." - FATBEATS.COM

"Waajeed and Saadiq continue the form that has made the Bling47 label an essential for fans of the Jay Dee / Slum Village dirty, hip hop soul vibe...Booming, ruff beats with ragged around the edges soul quality are what this sound is all about." -KEEP ON

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(7): BREAKESTRA - DON'T NEED A DANCE 12" (& LIMITED 7")

FOR FANS OF: ANTIBALAS, GREYBOY ALLSTARS, QUANTIC SOUL ORCHESTRA, CUT CHEMIST, THE ROOTS

“I sampled that shit myself! The first time I heard their cuts, I didn’t know it wasn’t recorded in 1972!”
?UESTLOVE (THE ROOTS)

“Ridiculous groove from top to bottom – they’ve got their shit down tight!”
MARK DE CLIVE LOWE

"Keep the breaks coming! seriously feeling the breakdown and the extra drum track. More please!"
J. BOOGIE (OM RECORDS)

”Nugget of funk right off the scale. No parking on the dancefloor!”
DJ MAGAZINE

my adidas vs. my white tee [YEP!]

2004-10-26T16:52:00.000-05:00

2 ponder....

i recall the first time i heard run dmc's my adidas. i'm thinking "this is a great song". plus i was beginning to like sneakers while coming to terms with my relaxed comfortable self. there was nothing greater than a hip hop song that celebrated one of my fav brands of sneaks. i also remember the intensity heads had for that song each time it was played at concerts, school dances and house/block parties. it was a celebration of our own culture..hip hop.

hip hop over the years has had many material elements that have sorta defined it or been attached to as symbols. take the turntables, b-boys/b-girls, fat laces, sneakers, track jackets, sagging over sized clothing, truck jewlery, bandanas, gazelles to ray bans to gucci shades, all the way till now...the white tee. all symbols used or worn by listeners and followers of the culture.

the dynamics of the 2:
"with no shoe strings in em, i did not win em" <-- my adidas quote
"i bling in my white tee, serve fiends in my white tee" <--- my white tee quote.

a question was asked what is/was the difference of the two?..i replied "not a damn thing, same shit diff time" but of course those of us who are elite in our music tastes see no similarities of the two. if you ask me your blind! it's blatant and exact. i see both songs as a celebration of a material product used to describe the culture in that day and time.

now i'm not speaking lyrical content before you reply about how wack my white tee lyrics are or how wack the beat is....please. use your mind to travel beyond and really see that there is a similarity. HISTORY WILL ALWAYS RECYCLE ITSELF! that is the inevitable. this isn't 1986 but 2004 and i see my white tee as i saw my adidas then and now..both songs are about why they like these things, what they do in them and how they wear them...actually, each song made me appreciate both items. but hey, i'm well rounded in my musical tastes so i'm able to step outside to see the similarities. *snicker*

lol! it was said that my white tee was big up'n a criminal nature..lol wtf? funny because cats around my way have been wearing white tees for many years. even my father wears white tee's he's not a criminal or thug. i think there's more here than we'd care to say as well. i believe it to be an overall dislike for certain styles of music from certain areas of the counrty. dare i say it...southern music. i've debated countless people when it comes to topics concerning southern artists, music and hatred we receive from various parts of the world.

if the question posed is one of "what's the diff in the two songs"..then you should list the differences...not "oh them dimwits is wack" or "the beat is wack" or "the backdrop one note keyboard is stupid"....duh!!! that's not a difference..that's a dislike for that product. the original question posed was a very good one. well at least that what i thought. and i'm not ashamed to say that run dmc contrary to what u may think...were not the greatest mc's alive. they are celebrated because of the barriers and hurdles they overcame for the sake of hip hop. although they are my peeps...they were NOT lyrical gods...sorry. neither are dem franchize boys. but this wasn't about lyrics.

i'm really surprised this is the first song to actually celebrate the white tee. it's all good though. this did make for a great debate topic.

however, i'll continue to wear my white tee and adidas...while brushing yall haters off. lol

thanks clash_sic for such a cool topic to ponder.

the new danger: the re-issue

2004-10-25T16:40:00.000-05:00

for thos who didn't know...mos def's the new danger will be reissued. so if you don't have the original copy you may be too late.

it would appear that geffen mos's label had a huge problem with one of the new danger's tracks "the rape over." strong song one of which he's been performing for more that 3 years with black jack johnson. it talks or points out record companies raping artists, watering down conepts of truth...mos licks shots at the record executive.."quasi-homosexuals running this shit"...lol mos you a fool man!

actually skimming okayplayer i learned of a recent show in cali "an evening with mos def". where mos actually took the stage but he talked only about his life and answered questions. no music. no rapping. just dialouge. gotta love that! well i'm sure most wanted to hear the songs they all love...personally i would've enjoyed the verbage a lot more. and excerpt of what happened:

MOS DEF SAID....

he will not be in the rap game for too much longer....there are more things that he wants to do with his life....he still likes the music....but his life is different now....

his reason for doing the NEW DANGER....with a different vibe compared to his Black on Both Sides is because he is older and at a different stage of his life.......when he did black on both sides..he was 23 years old...he was younger.....and that is where he was at......as he put it.....from day one....his music was "fuck you.....if you dont like it.....imma do me"

can't beat that....besides there comes a time when we all will have to grow up sooner or later. big up mos.

seen but not heard

2004-10-21T15:55:00.000-05:00

::lawnmower citizen::

::b-gyrl'n(@ladyfest)::

::turn my headphones up(lol!)::

i am constantly @ work or practice.
an obsession for b&w photos....

sa-ra? who? & the likes-of-comparisons

2004-10-21T14:48:00.000-05:00

this time i'm thinking i better cut and paste...then save what i write.. after completing a story of sorts...blogger lost it! bitches!

so theres this buzz about a group of producers..the buzz has been going around for sometime now. pretty much of the summer i should say. who's this buzz concerning??? sa-ra or srcp respectively. three producers fresh out the funk/soul era or vibe.

as of late i've read numerous opinions on these cats and their music. of course the haters come in droves but there seems to be a good folowing of appreciators..i hate using the word fan..it seems to lessen the liking for the artists craft. it sorta mirrors it down to stalkish actually..lol.

i read someone's opinion..said that they weren't so great. they were rip offs of parliament era. hmmm. i think everyone is influenced by something or someone. upon listening to anything sa-ra you'll definitely hear some of their influences...i don't know maybe it's me but i hear more of cameo, sly stone and others. it seems as if anytime an artist creates something soulful yet abstract people wanna lump them in the same cateogory as pfunk.

or this one i love...make unecessary comparisons to outkast. lol. as if to say outkast started some shit. no. they've recycled what was to create what is known now. "everything u did has already been done" thanks lauryn for that. and it's true. as much as i love kast...i am first to say that sa-ra sounds nothing like them. or shouldn't even be compared.

we should all just enjoy music and leave the real critiquing to those who know music.
babies!!! go to bed. pick up the what music is guide for dummies too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
determined.

i am determined to create.
find a place for unsigned
artists to be seen and
most importantly
HEARD!!!

anyone?

to the anonymous comment leavers

2004-10-13T18:34:00.000-05:00

START leaving your names please this is annoying to me. It is hella unfair that your reading my thoughts and getting insight as to who i am.....but u leave me
with

NOTHING.

and 99.9% of the time anonymous has GREAT things to say.
fuck that hide'n-go-seek shit.

SHOW FACE.

who's responsible for this?

Anonymous said...
delusions- A false belief strongly held in spite of
invalidating evidence. addiction-being abnormally tolerant to and dependent on
something/someone that is phsychologically habit forming. compulsive
psyschological need for and use of/socially harmful.delusions + addiction = not
love, possible love for drama.

Midwifery in Progress: Selfishness and Meditation

2004-10-12T01:34:00.000-05:00

i'm tired. tired of limits, restraints, liars, bougie niggas, inflated egos, diluted christians and their fantasy mindset, those who play with change and growth, also those who claim the want to find their spiritual center.....your all fakers. and you know what happens to fakers right?.....

for some reason on any given occasion these spirits seek people like me/us out for friendship. it's all good..i'm open to much. and i can put up with a great deal. until u try to pass off your bullshit on me as if it's real and i wouldn't/couldnt tell the damn difference. i'm smarter than that. although i've had one, two at the most slip on through and fool a sis.....lol but in time all bullshit shows face. disguised. when this happens......embrace. embrace who and what u were from jump...don't pretend to be what u can't be or who u aren't. just be u. be the best fucking u that u can. eventually you'll get acceptance from some place or another.

oh yeah....energy burners. those who seek out energetic individuals to compensate for your lack of......your stressing me! upgrade your spiritual center! come clean. get real. not with us/me but with u. your not knowing who you are is ruining others. it's ok to be. don't act or try to be what you aren't..i love you just as u are...the problem starts. when your bullshit pours over on other souls......misguided souls. let your inner devil free!! and focus on the god/godis in u. find MA'AT in all things.....not sure what MA'AT is....i'll teach you or at least show you where to find her. she's within believe that....

to those lost...and those souls know whom i speak of...let me midwife your search for self. i have experience with this and references. reach out i'm only one highway/email/phone call/train ride/2-way/dove mail away....

now i don't claim to be a being of perfection because that don't exist in my world....i've been guilty of all of these things i've mentioned. i lived these experiences and learned from them. that was then....now. i take my learned experiences and speak on them. write about them. share them in hope that they'll help others. cleansing. oh yeah i'm real about mine....i can face ME in the mirror on the daily.....can you? i sleep good at night...do you?

peace...my brother peace this peace that......peace is overrated! niggas have run peace to the ground and beyond. do you know what peace is?

bottom line....we as people are more concerned with ourselves than the next. we are so enthralled with me me me we kill others with our selfishness. we lose the best things this way. but we chase bullshit by the dozens in our white tees and prada shoes.......what else is there? there should be more to life..more to your life. unless your simply defined by your own bullshit. if this is you......and you see no other way...as if your trapped there or you think your karma has led you there to stay........this blogs for you baby! see me on that midwifing thing. there's only so much time left on this crazy earth.......get FREE niggas now!

*THE ROOT OF ALL SINS IS SELFISHNESS*... remember that!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

meditation*
a serious practice....should be taken very seriously...if you have a mentor..use them....when starting out a mentor is necessary. someone with experience to teach about the different travel points that you should experience..also the different lights you could possibly experience.

complex simplicity: teedra moses

2004-09-12T23:11:00.000-05:00

i'm feeling this teedra moses joint....

"this is more than just a silly crush...i wonder if u notice me.....u gotta feel
me"
"all alone at night i arbhor feelings for you, holdin my pillow
tight...sometimes, i even touch my seeelf."

i'm digging her voice a lot. i can relate to a lot of her material...i haven't felt much r&b stuff that's come out in a few years....but teedra makes me relive what i miss...
i read a few reviews because i wanted to know more about this lady. i've seen a few say she's similiar to cherelle....

hmmm. she does have that circa 1985 feel. not just another pretty face..there's talent there.
she writes her own shit...i'm loving her for that.....
big up teedra.

teedra

no comparisons i'm just str8 feeling this/her music.

yo. mali check her out i think you'd like her music....plus she from the N. O. say she went to St. Joan of Arc school...hmmm lol

expression and buble tea

2004-09-08T03:09:00.000-05:00

that's just it!.....commenting on a comment made in regards to me
expressiong myself........without my pen.....sometimes my thoughts
leave my lips only to have knowone understand them. my verbalization skills
kill at times of need. i find myself at a loss for words when i really need them...

but i'm never without words when i have a pen in hand..or handy.
my pen makes my expression seem so easy and free. well i do free myself with words
but they have been my means of escape as well. i've hidden behind them
for a while. make me mad and i'll write a letter...lol well that was then...
these days i find that i'm more verbal than ever...which in some cases can be good...
but
there are times when silence...takes over. and i can't control my need to just
be quiet.....lately...i've been dealing with some issues that i felt i needed to verbalize
my feelings....unfortunately, in certain cases i was unable.....well that only makes me
want to lash out and tear shit up. when i feel as if y backs against the wall....i get
bouts of hysterical blindness and i just start reacting to things.....

i'd much rather express....as i have years upon years of shit on the inside.....
just dying to be set

f r e e!

all i want is to rid these things buried so deep......

so und reas on ing r i g h t/ l e f t br ai n

oh....and bubble tea is some nasty shit!!!! i don't know what the attraction is...
but ummm..i wasn't feeling that foamy milk like mess....lol sorry..lol
your on your own on that one....but the sushi.......YEP!

yall ever had bubble tea????

tell me what do u think of this?

2004-09-03T13:44:00.000-05:00

"where do we learn to
appreciate/value/respect/cultivate what we HAVE and not to always want more, or
at least something different...hmmm i'm wondering. it is so UnAmerican to be
happy with what you got.. we gotta get with the marketing department's
mandate...get the '05..the new hotness... and we bring that to a
relationship...we dont appreciate what we have-and what we dont have...different
is always better...as a result, we've gotten away from the lessons of our
elders..."

progression, obsession & misconception

2004-09-03T05:44:00.000-05:00

ahh...now this feels a hell of a lot better. i'm working out the kinks in this thing.
i guess it only took a little patience.

welcome to my side of the world through my eyes as i see it!
you may not agree with all that's expressed here but your welcome.....
take your shoes off before entering my thoughts. we're all sitting in the lotus position allowing our energies to connect. flow. it increases your heart rate...good for the blood stream.

i'm fresh off an emotional journey through like and love...that fine line.
sometimes you get burned. but i'm the number one fire sign and i'm drawn to fire. so i play with it..i'm getting used to it. i swam the pisces water...lol. drifting on a memory....yeah yeah.
washed out! but all things drift back a shore. wading. you find this offensive..oh well, you'll get over it! as i'm sure you love u the same. life is dukka(suffering) but we must pick up all pieces and keep it moving. elevation. liberation = freedom.

i'd like to thank all those before and after for taking me through valuable lessons. i've laughed, cried, kicked and screamed. but i've learned through it all who i am. thank you for that. you served your purpose in my series of events. forever or a season...right?

i've learned. learned to love ME. first and ask questions later. if
well seasons change.....and we're about to enter fall. thank you summer. u gave me clarity.
growth.

centered. i'm awakened by the sweet memories of what the future holds.

to you: u. yeah u.....what can i say....i love u more each day...each time you open your mouth to speak..you provide a certain old wisdom. u give me understanding and truth. we've been there before....and i wouldn't have to think twice if there were EVER another chance.....* by chance could we......lol. ok i tried. i know that you wish to be in other places...and that is respected. u are all i ever needed in a sol being. be you. don't compromise that for nothing. clear your space of unwanted idoltry...it only slows u down. this move was meant and needed. <--- by now u should know that i'm talking u. lol godis. the ori ginal

....to the deciever. thank you too. i see past the green eyes to the truth. your soul cries out and it speaks years of wanting to break....free. we all find ourselves here at some point. next time try the direct approach for those who are direct with you. these are the ones you want to keep closest. throw away the pimp card it only makes your purse heavy. lol beneath it all i admire many qualities you possess. empress....at work.

lessons in life. respect them all..learn from each.

dammit i am a serial writer...but never biter.
back on my stroll........................................oooooohhhh i need some NEW shoes bitches....

peace!

this moment of clarity..reliving my cycles

2004-09-02T03:44:00.000-05:00

*disclaimer* brought to u in part by a clear sound mind..free of any emotional irrational behaviors* this is well thought out.....GO!....lol

is there a such thing as clarity as it involves u and another?the way i see it...there's this fine line of what you think you deserveand what you actually receive....i mean it's a very FINE line.

i'm thinking if i give out positiveness, love and all that...i should get that in return from the universe. but in some circumstances it's thosein which u admire or adore most who simply....shit on u when that moment of clarity is needed.

u know the dreadful:

"i ain't go to tell u shit" or "u can't have the answers u want, so let it be"

yeah those....and normally these repsonses follow a series of before events.like lies, deceit(sp?) things of that nature. i always thought that if i put outpositive i'll somehow receive that. if it's in my realtionship with family or my partner. i would get that back. right? that's part of the karma process...right?

i figured if i wanted or needed an explanation that i could surely receive that...
as i did/would/have provided u with such
instead when my needs are out front....they're not respected or treated with care...this is where i start to feel...............u get shitted on(here's that phrase again)

i've created a cycle.

old feelings..new feelings...past, present and future. my past mistakes i begin thinking of them...my patterns..the people i chose to letin...i question me. but sometimes it's not me. but i always question numero uno.

figured this time would be different as i explained my previous patterns and thingsthat have happened in my life...but it makes no difference when it comes down towhat a person needs or wants.... but in my attempts to become one i leave room for chances at least 2.(well depending on the nature of the hurt)
the 3 strikes rule..all part of my unconditional self i plan to master.

selfishness(this is another topic, another day)

which brings me to....

NEEDS vs. WANTS

ahhh which comes first? is what we want always good for us before what we need?will the need last longer than the want? is it ok to want/need both at the same time?or is this a matter of convience? availabilty?

hmmm
these r the things i ponder.

i am an instrument. and i was played. game recognize game. thanks amp!

did u know? and other stuff

2004-08-30T11:53:00.000-05:00

who knew? did you know? i knew......
unfortunately i haven't heard.....but as always i keep my ears to the ground
listening and waiting for sounds.....or the sound.
fertile ground. is back with another studio album....Black Is...

i've alreadu heard great things about this release as it came out on Aug. 24th.
hopefully all of the lucky people who got the chance to see them perform
gave rave reviews....i've got to get out of dallas...as i miss all the cool shit!

for those wanting to find out where to purchase.....
dusty always has it going down....but of course stop by black out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

in other things, rants, raves and questions....
i know i'm not the only one who was wondering what the hell happened to
lauryn hill's appearence at the vma's....lol yeah after waiting around..hoping to see
my sista in musicdom....to no avail. they played the shit outta me! lol who else is mad?

ummm kanye...lol
dude...pull ya own dick out cha mouth son. your not that great of a rapper...
your ok with the production...he's feeling himself too hard man....it's almost scary how much.

nobody wants to see ll cool j rap anymore man...jeez dude you've had your run.
let the youngins take it man....stop licking your lips..it's not hot!

i wanted more DAVE CHAPELLE but i understand the circumstances...so i support dave on his
decision.

other than that.....i'm hating on the shole shit just because i wasn't in MIAMI! ....dammit.
lol

work in progress..please don't HATE!!

2004-08-21T15:36:00.000-05:00

ooooh..i apologize for that last display...that
horrendous background image i used before...blinded the shit out each of you....

i'm figuring out some things with this photoshop cs...watch out bitches...i'll start doing my own site nshyt...
u wouldn't wanna.......

nevertheless, i'm testing things out...seeing what works and what doesn't.
i still am unable to figure out what the hell happened with my links....

i've got to get these ads removed as well...

this is a work in progress....

back to my photoshop tutorials....

the misconception of perception - what is and what was.....

2004-08-17T13:15:00.000-05:00

"don't judge a book by it's cover" is the old saying."is every nigga with dreads
for the cause, is every nigga wit gold for the fall", "naw so don't get caught
up in appearence"

these are words of truth and wisdom... not saying they arefrom a profound intellect. for some reason (we) are under the impression that all wise thoughts and words have to come from a certified PhD. intellect. no not true. truth comes from and out ofexperience. with that I am a master teacher of hard times and misconceptions...as many of you are. i may dress a particular way. with my ass hangin out, breast showing andwith the over greased legs...but does that imply that i am not of the knowing ofwho i really am? just because i wear my pants a little saggy, sneakers everydayaccompanied by a tee....does that make me the poster stereotypical butch bitch?if i decided to loc my hair, wear dashiki's, sport an anhk whether in hand or around my neckdoes that make me the boho champion rasta dread???

humans are caught up! trapped even in a particular method of thinking.we are stereotypical people who feel the need to generalize in order to understand....but why not question? if knowledge is gained throughwisdom and understanding wouldn't questioning be a part of that process?we tend to label things without properly knowingwhat they are...inquire about them first. we've created misconceptions and we areaccepting of them. in fact for some they are life's mantras.

yeah, i know you know at least one person i'm speaking about....umm hmm him/hernext time tell that ass to shut up unless they are with the knowing that not all things are alike. we are all born individual and original...most answers comefrom within. stop to think. stop to listen. stop. look. listen. misconception of people are used daily as means of attack. protect your own from this deadly force. force yourself to understand what, where and why thisperson is who/what they are. unlearn what has been taught to you....or passed downand passed off as tradition.

::loneliness:: a matter of perception

2004-08-10T00:00:00.000-05:00

"those who fear loniless and silence scare me"

silence is needed and it's golden
it's only natural to feel lonely. but it's just that. a feeling. being led by an emotion. the question to ask is.....are you able to separate the two?(emotions from feelings) do you know and understand what is fantasy and what is reality?have you only succomb to being a victim trapped in your own mental hell? it is my belief that most are trapped between these two realms...straddling the fence even

have you had your daily dose of realism today? or is everything in yourlife seen through rose colored glasses? look around you. realize what is.and what your part in the big sceme of things to come. acceptance. no, one's own. not acceptance from below.being comfortable with oneself is almost the absolute keys to lovingthe skin your in.

deliverance through released energies..spiritual, mental, sexual...sometimes help, but often provide hazed illusions(also known as fanatasies) of what thingsare to be. when one hasn't become [whole].

whole. inner outer upper lower. 360. four corners. ma'at. nirvana. completion. who reaches completion. those who are finished.

ascension. someday you'll meet [her].

some crunk bullshit.

2004-08-09T09:37:00.000-05:00

and the god's said: spread forth your wings towards higher. send forth to those not.
i accepted and i proceeded to rock.
verses full non rehearsed or rehashed like on & on badu.
huh, what! yeah i used her name too.
the difference in i, yo i only spit truth.
from the top of my dome to beneath my feet
walking in rhythm. inticed by southern drums
always on beat. gold teeth and cadillacs
sit ins and fat sacks, from texas to south cacalac

ok..lol this is funny. this is my rendition of that crunk shit! lol...yeah right!
i was bored so i decided to write empty lyrics on this blog.
i rarely use this thing...I hate it!. i don't like the layout. can't get it to work right!
i am over this............................................

ummm LIL BOOSIE....
"i smoke, i drank
i'm supposed to stop but i can't
i'm a dog
i love hoes, i'm addicted to money cars and clothes"

for some reason i LOVE this song...it's the beat. gotta be the beat...GOT DAMMIT Louisiana got that FYAH....shiat up mali....lol i dont need ya lil new orleans cosignature...lol *

i'm working on getting my site together..thanks. in due time....
YO afeni holla at me.
uh huh i see u.......................

the cosby rant: (finally right?)

2004-07-15T10:48:00.000-05:00

i waited a while before i responded here to this.
i know that a few of you were asking and wondering my thoughts
regarding were...well here goes:

so yeah i'm a little perturbed at "the cos"
right now. i'm confused and also saddened by the way his comments were voiced. i know what some of you are going to say...that you think he's right. or that his words were justified and true. justified i can't verify but there was a validity of truth in what he had to say. where i begin to have issues is with the lack of care and precaution he showed while making these accusations. the state of the black family is in fact at jeopardy. we are going through tough times where the mind has to be a fundamental tool used in your everyday in's and outs.

however, with that said it still doesn't excuse the fact that mr. cosby chose to relieve his frustrations in front a full tv camera crew.. instead of...the B.E.T. awards..or any other random gathering full of black people. if in fact these statements are directed and geared towards "the lower class"...take that shit to the lower class hoods and preach this message. but there has to be a follow up of sorts. you can't just preach or beat your message into people's minds without positive reinforcement.
to those of you saying.."ah well, i think bill is right" and "he gives millions of dollars to clark and spelman" FUCK you! negroes attending claark and spelman are not the one's he's blasting off against. it's the POOR. those of us who make less than $50k a year. i know i fall into this bracket..how about you? i don't appreciate the blasphemy...especially when you not my struggle to maintain. i'm educated and i speak the language of the streets..i speak that language because my people tend to understand it. it provides common ground..a level field for us to meet. 10% negroes need to close their mouth's, go back to playing golf or something.

i feel strongly about this as i've chosen early on to voice for the poor. i don't agree with how mr. cosby voiced his concerns "they can't read or write" they're laughing and giggling, and they're going nowhere"....ahh yeah. i'm not impressed. are you that pressed in your life that you have to command the stage with these negative words. yep i said negative because i believe that he's directing them in a negative light. take your fucking shades off old man...face us.

what about the lack of care and attention YOUR generation did'nt show mine. how many times has your grandma noticed a child going the wrong route but never stopped to tell that child that he or she should straighten up? hmmmm think about this one.
that lack of care has directly resulted to what we are now..but has he spoken of this. has he spoken of the government issued programs in the 70's to so call help blacks to prosper, but all it really did was provide jobs for blacks to move out the hood only to NEVER look back. truth is there are some who'll always live in a low income area.

i say if indeed education is bill
s answer....put your millions to building the first hood nigga college..maybe then "those people" will see the importance of what your saying.
otherwise it's all jibberish from a talented 10th perspective.

please, leave honest feedback only. bullshit will not be tolerated.

peace and love to all.

(yes, i have a very serious side)

[ether]ian 9 ~ melanin spirituals

2004-07-09T01:59:00.000-05:00

9 ether
infinite
natty chemicals
mystic

tele kinetic
kmt
wisdom
through
reflection

creates

u
i
me
he
she

all the pieces of the puzzle seem to fit.

no coincidence.

we r meant to be
melanin

.::peace::.
(4 anonymous(icu))

[slowly] surely.....from the collection ((swipe))

2004-07-07T00:51:00.000-05:00

ooooh i'd forgotten what music felt like. i'd forgotten that warm feeling of satisfaction that you get while playing r&b. no, not that ashanti power 105 bullshit you hear all the time. i mean true buttery, feel good to your finger tips soul. ummm, like warm lotion on yo back, damn - now that feels good! thanks bilal for that...

so i'm revisiting who is jill scott after vowing sometime ago to never listen to the cd again. i'm saying that because, i played that cd till i needed to purchase another. who cares this feels good...jill does that.something. lil thing.hmm.yeah that. her feeling is quite reminiscent of that feeling i got after hearing minnie riperton for the 1st time...ummm...she does that. i love that.

insight me to chorus....

i'm interested in seeing how well this music will age. pop that shit in at age 36 and see if i still feel that same vibe. confirmation.

have you visited my space lately?

2004 Black Enterprise Top 10 Cities for Blacks

2004-06-21T15:17:00.000-05:00

2004 Black Enterprise Top 10 Cities for Blacks

1) Atlanta, GA
2) Washington, DC
3) Dallas, TX
4) Nashville, TN
5) Houston, TX
6) Charlotte, NC
7) Birmingham, AL
8) Memphis, TN
9) Columbus, OH
10)Baltimore, MD
..............................
% of College Graduates (Black)

Atlanta, GA
21.9

Washington, DC
24.1

Dallas, TX
18.5

Nashville, TN
18.9

Houston, TX
18.4

Charlotte, NC
16.5

Birmingham, AL
14.6

Memphis, TN
12.1

Columbus, OH
15.4

Baltimore, MD
16.1
............................

Avg. House Price / Avg. Rent

Atlanta, GA
227k / $751

Washington, Dc
355k / $1,974

Dallas, TX
203k / $902

Nashville, TN
187k / $717

Houston, TX
179k / $749

Charlotte, NC
213k / $566

Birmingham, AL
204k / $623

Memphis, TN
183k / $638

Columbus, OH
253k / $663

Baltimore, MD
207k / $645

So which one of these cities do you live in?

Doing It With R. Kelly

2004-06-21T08:24:00.000-05:00

Stripping the sexiness right out of sex
Doing It With R. Kelly
by Ta-Nehisi Coates
June 15th, 2004 5:00 PM

Kelly: a preference for the pornographic over the erotic
(photo: Reisig & Taylor)

. Kelly has always been the wrong man for pillow talk. Crass and crude, a Kelly anthem is the anti-Viagra. The man has pipes on loan from God and a gift for crafting melody. He is also, unquestionably, the most significant r&b artist of his era. But with songs like "I Like the Crotch on You," he has drained the sexiness out of sex like no man ever before. A serenade from Chicago's finest is the ultimate buzz-kill—a cold-shower delivered in perfect pitch and melody. Kelly's perspective on sex always sounded like it was culled from the dirty jokes scrawled on the walls of a middle-school restroom.

So it should come as no surprise that a man with a juvenile view of sex has so often been accused of having sex with juveniles. Kelly will be facing his most damaging accusations starting June 26, when his trial for child pornography begins. According to prosecutors, Kelly videotaped himself having sex with his 14-year-old goddaughter.

Despite a much publicized airing of the video, Kelly has used the most effective tool at his disposal to revamp his image—a barrage of hits. It helps that most of those cuts are the sort of vague, toothless odes ("Heaven, I Need A Hug") your grandmother could love. Yet no honest fan who's given a Kelly album an honest listen can hide from one essential fact: In matters of love and sex, Kelly never got out of the ninth grade.

For the record, all men have an R. Kelly in them. No matter how noble and nice, we've all caught ourselves peeking over the line, admiring a body beyond its years, and murmuring about the perks of the 19th century. So when Kelly confesses, "My mind is telling me 'no,' but my body is telling me 'yes,'" he is peering into all of our souls. Among the healthy male populace, moments like these last about 30 seconds. Then we recoil, straighten up, and return from our lower selves.

But Kelly, as an artist at least, lives in his lower self. There was never anything seductive or suggestive about an R. Kelly jam—when a cut is titled "Feelin’ On Yo Bootie," "Like a Real Freak," or "The Best Sex Ever," the guesswork is eliminated. Kelly's many hits were based not just on a penchant for melody, but on an unrivaled ability to reduce sex and love to its basest and most graphic terms. For Kelly, sex is only interesting when stripped of all inference, allusion, or double entendre. To leave anything to the imagination would be to leave something behind.

When Kelly does attempt to be poetic, somehow he ends up sounding like a naughty schoolboy. Take his monster hit "You Remind Me of Something," in which he struggles for a metaphor to describe his lover. His efforts fall slightly short of Shakespeare. "You remind me of my jeep, I wanna ride it/Something like my sound, I wanna pump it/Girl, you look just like my cars, I wanna wax it/And something like my bank account, I wanna spend it, baby." Shall I compare thee to an SUV? Thou art more fuel-efficient and, um, roomier.

At least "You Remind Me" was an attempt at a nontraditional metaphor. The title cut from Kelly's breakout album 12 Play, is reminiscent of the sort of dirty nursery rhymes exchanged by third graders: "8, Feel me, I'm so hard/ 9, See I want you from behind, with that bump and grind/10, Baby climb on top of me/11, Up and down we'll go, you'll see." Those sorts of sweet nothings may not conjure memories of Cyrano de Bergerac, but they certainly get the 12-year-olds giggling—they don't call it "12 Play" for nothing.

Many of Kelly's fans turned their backs when he was accused of wooing children, but some of Kelly’s best material sounds engineered to do precisely that. The chorus for "It Seems Like You're Ready" always reminded me of some high school senior trying to con a freshman into going past first base. "It seems like you're ready (seems like you're ready)/Girl, are you ready, to go all the way?"

It is Kelly's juvenile taste, his preference for the pornographic over the erotic, that marks the dividing line between him and his forebears. As a kid, I was never sure what "Footsteps In the Dark" or "Voyage to Atlantis" meant. But my three-year-old son could get the gist of "12 Play." Furthermore, while you could always count on Curtis Mayfield, Jeffrey Osborne, or even Al B. Sure to lend you a hand in your efforts at seduction, Kelly's hand—even pre-child porn charges—always seemed to be wielding a camcorder. You just can't escape the feeling that Kelly's watching you, which might not be so bad, if he weren't offering color commentary too.

But Kelly can't even let the generational line stand—even his elders must be reduced to schoolkids. When not penning prom-night monologues, Kelly has done some impressive work with Ronald Isley, transforming the balladeer from a lion in winter into a relevant hit-maker. Isley, of course, has had to pay a price. His lyrics have been dumbed down to Kelly's level and he's had to stomach his new role as poster boy for the cuckolded gangster. From "Down Low" to "Contagious" to "Showdown," Kelly has crafted a melodramatic musical epic using Isley's mate as the thread. The Isley/Kelly marriage is a natural musically, but the resulting content has been vintage R. Kelly—which is to say audio porn.

How can a guy with such a puerile view of love and sex become the bard of his generation? Well, it helps that Kelly isn't the only one dumbing us down and fixing on the lowest common denominator. The Farrelly Brothers, ODB, Paris Hilton, and John Ashcroft have all made their contributions in the war against privacy. Inference is dead. Speak to us like 10-year-olds, or we will not understand. This is a world that R. Kelly was made to serenade, one perfectly designed for his callow approach to the lyrical.

Of course, that leaves us old fogies and hopeless romantics out of the loop. I like to think that I'm a freak. But a cantillating R. Kelly consistently leaves me determined to redouble my efforts at Bible study, even his recent innocuous incarnation would sully the listener. "Step In the Name of Love" is masterful bit of whitewashing, but makes me itch—and not in a good way. I know which way Kelly is stepping. I'm doing my best to walk the other way.

Juneteenth

2004-06-18T08:08:00.000-05:00

june 19th will mark 139 years
since slaves in texas heard about
the emancipation proclamation and
were set
free...

give thanks for this day
all melanin beings...

we pourin libations for our ancestors

i really shouldn't be working today......

note* all slaves were freed but majority were...remember dred scott!!

what the miseducation??? commenting on comments. VL. 1

2004-06-07T08:14:00.000-05:00

everything here is a thought/work in progress.
the last post that I made was in reference to comments
that i'd received regarding some events that badu's hosting
here in dallas....majority of the comments received
were negative....so I(meaning EYE) decided to write about
those comments and my opinions regarding....

that's just it....my opinion.

if for some reason you tend to not find what your
looking for within this url....send me an email..maybe
i can be of some assistance. if for other reasons you
find that my comments or statements have "lack of infomation", maybe don't suit your tastes or uninspiring...lol, why you can surely see your way OUT!

now, constructive criticism is always appreciated...
but that ole negative ish..WILL NOT BE TOLERATED.
friend or not. did you even read my disclaimer....
pardon whatever's going thru your mind but not all life
revolves around you or your thoughts.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
in response to the other comments: i'm really unsure
as where to get info on badu's non-profit ventures...
lol i'd try that email address listed or her website for that intro. peace

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i agree with Rich, shit is all the same no matter the
city or state. you see the same people if your a regular.
that tends to burn anybody out after a while. i also think
badu is a great performer, but as i've said before....
i lack an understanding of who and what she is...
at times i can't relate...through songwriting is how
i relate to certain artists....i haven't been able to follow
her for a long time...does this mean i'm not checking
for badu...no, just means i couldn't relate this last album
to anything in my life to understand it....

ok i'm done....this is dead!

DEAD!

"My patience is better, but my tolerance of lower spirts lack"

2004-06-03T09:35:00.000-05:00

normally i like to post past conversations that i may have had thru email, notes and various other media streams.

why do i post these? not sure other than it's just another way of letting readers into my thoughts, life and cypher. so here goes another....

** disclaimer**
in no way, shape or form by posting this am i trying to be negative. this is strictly about sharing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

3 SURPRISE EVENTS : ERYKAH, DEAD PREZ, PRINCE, + More"

Wanna get involved or help spread the word?
Erykah Badu presents 3 nights of old fashion summertime fun! That's right, 3
SURPRISE events benefiting B.L.I.N.D., Badu's non-profit, and the Forest
Theater Development Project.
PEACE * LOVE * MUSIC
***************************************************

Monday, June, 7th, 2004 Erykah Badu Presents: Motion Sickness Monday Hosted
by Talib Kweli
W/ Special Guest Performances by:
Hydroponic Sound System
Bavu Blakes
Strange Fruit Project
D-Madness Six-2
Special performance of "the Blast, PT.2" featuring Erykah Badu
Doors at 7pm, show starts at 8pm 21+ $10, 18+ $12 at the door ID's Required,
Free Parking

******************************************! *********
Wednesday, June, 9th, 2004 Erykah Badu Presents:
Jam Sessions III FEATURING: Dead Prez, Erykah Badu, Musiq Soul Child
W/ Special Guest Performances by: Nayrok (Badu's sister),
Common Folk And rock group Monsters and Dust
Doors at 7pm, show starts at 8pm $20.00
General Admission, 18+
Tickets at the door or: 214-421-0677 ID's Required, Free Parking

***************************************************
Friday, June,11th, 2004 Erykah Badu Presents: Musicology :
"The Official Prince Tour Afterparty"
Hosted by: Erykah Badu W/ Special Guest Performances by:
A Surprise DJ and a Live Jam Session Doors at 7pm,
show starts at 8pm $20.00
General Admission 21 and over only!
ID's Required, Free Parking

***************************************************
The Black Forest Theater 1920 Martin Luther King Blvd.
(MLK & 45) Dallas, Texas 75215 214-421-0677
www.blackforesttheater.com

Produced BY: B.L.I.N.D. & Smitty INK, LTD
levatino@smitytink.com

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
reply 1:
and don't send me no more wack emails about(badu) with her no hosting azz self, lol

reply 2:
You know, I'm starting to dread attending functions like this. It's sad that my hometown has lost my interest. I run into the same crowds/personalities. If it were held somewhere else I might be a little more excited. I have soo moved on. My patience is better but my tolerance of lower spirts lack. I hope you have fun babe. Have an peaceful day! and thanks for the keeping in touch with events.

forward to victory

Nekay says:
funny you should say this...because it's not necessarily about the people attending these events(or the hostess)...if you feel moved to attend..by all means do! don't stop your life because your tolerance level is low. ignornance will always exsist no matter how far you cut your self off...or remove you from certain environments......

i used to be guilty of this, until i learned what patience really was. regardless of anything these are in fact my people...bound by skin tone and blood.....so i' have to be unconditional in all situations. I used to say that I was over shit too....but In that I've removed myself from so many things that I loved. and it all came down to the people...So, I had to ask myself a serious question...Was my life about me or the people around me?

coming where I come from, I think you should be proud of the progress your hometown has built. Not just your hometown, but the state as a whole. Even though people, places, thoughts and things are shady, still shouldn't lose the love.

it's all so cool. so please do you.this is just my opinion.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i believe this is about how Badu makes people feel (now)...present day.
lol...there are few people that I know who still support this woman. trust this isn't the first email i received back about this particular thing.

so, where did the love go? lol who wants to answer this one....it's time

secret twin::cry for help/answers

2004-05-29T10:53:00.000-05:00

i've been spooked!
when was the last time you were spooked by something. whether it was an image, words or just an overall feeling of discomfort.

i have a tendancy to get into crime shows: like City Confidential, Cold Case Files, American Justice, Autopsy....etc. thanks to Mali*smile... tuesday i watched an episode of cold case files, one in particular stuck out "The Secret Twin."

so, i'm watching this story about a young lady raising her 4 kids in brooklyn 1979. it tells the story of how the mother had anger issues and in turn she'd take it out on her children. the age range of the children are the oldest son was 16, she had a daughter that was 8 and a set of twins that were 3(one girl, one boy). she'd beat them every other night for looking wrong. just an overall angry mother living in everyday poverty. you do the math.

the story goes: one morning while all were in the kitchen, the mother's feeding her twins. she's feeding the female twin but for some reason the child didn't want to eat her food. of course the mother starts to force feed the baby until she refuses and the child starts throwing a tantrum. the mother then takes the child out of the high chair and starts to beat her. a 3 year-old child. she solicites her oldest son to help with the beating. two adults beating a 3 year old till she gasped her last breath of life. after realizing that the child wasn't breathing, the mother and son both try to give cpr, but were unsuccessful. as i stated before, all of her children were in the kitchen that morning.

now, after many unsuccessful attempts at reviving life, the mother decides to take her daughters body and wraps it in a trash bag, places the body inside a chest. picture a school trunk that walmart sells at the beginning of the school year. she then places the chest inside the closet.

fast forward, now the youngest twin is 11. with only 3 children alive, the youngest son decides to question his mother about a twin, only after having the seed planted by an aunt he decides to ask not relizing the difficulties ahead. he's been beaten just for questioning about this so called twin.

years later, now as a man, the 23 year old has suffered from haunting images from the past. images he believes have something to do with the alleged twin. they're short flashes of playing inside a babies crib.
he questions his older sister who recalled every moment of that morning. she begins to tell him how her mother and older brother killed his twin. he went to the police after that conversation with information about what he percieved to be a murder of his sister. of course the police were apprehensive because of how long it'd been since. the story had a profound effect on one detective, he decided to do a little research. research turned up with NOTHING. no doctors records, no dental, no school, but what had been found was a certified birth certificate for a LaTanishia Carmichael. records also found that the mother had been receiving social security for this child since she was 1. with these records and a few other things they were able to issue an search warrant on the mothers home. by now at the age of 60, the mother still lives in the same apartment in brooklyn. the police arrive at her door to seach the apartment, sure enough the mumified remains of LaTanishia Carmichael were found, still hidden in the closet of that one bedroom apartment.

what i don't understand is why? the motive was never really presented. the events and story were so eerie till it didn't really matter the motive. what haunted me was the fact that the mother kept this babies body for 23 years in a closet. wouldn't the house smell? wouldn't the building smell of foul? with the son having these visions and not understanding why, i would believe babies soul had been trapped in this apartment all these years and the visions would lead her brother to freeing her.

but it all makes me nervous and i wonder what has gone wrong in the minds of so many mothers in the past 10 years. you have susan yates, the women who drowned all 5 of her babies, there was a recent mexican women in the news last week, whom beheaded all 3 of her children for no reason. i'm not sure what goes wrong in the mind of a mother to make her harm a child that she bared. it saddens me! i feel compelled by these stories of helpless children being murdered. but i'm not sure what i'm supposed to do. not sure of how to lend my hand....i've committed myself to telling these stories to all who'll listen, with hopes of helping someone who's in a similiar situation. maybe that would then lead me to aiding someone.

don't know, i just felt compelled to share.

peace and take care of your families.

the talented 10th speaks

2004-05-20T09:39:00.000-05:00

what cosby said

In the presence of NAACP President Kweisi Mfume and other African-American leaders, comedian Bill Cosby took aim at blacks who don't take responsibility for their economic status, blame police for incarcerations and teach their kids poor speaking habits.

Bill Cosby

Cosby made his remarks at a Constitution Hall event in Washington Monday night commemorating the 50th anniversary of the Brown vs. Board of Education decision that paved the way for integrated schools, reported Richard Leiby in his Reliable Source column for the Washington Post.

Leiby said Cosby's remarks were met with "astonishment, laughter and applause."

When Cosby finally concluded, Leiby said, Mfume, Howard University President H. Patrick Swygert and NAACP legal defense fund head Theodore Shaw came to the podium looking "stone-faced."

Shaw told the crowd most people on welfare are not African American. He insisted many of the problems his organization addresses among blacks are not self-inflicted.

Cosby said, according to Leiby: "Ladies and gentlemen, the lower economic people are not holding up their end in this deal. These people are not parenting. They are buying things for kids – $500 sneakers for what? And won't spend $200 for 'Hooked on Phonics.'

He added: "They're standing on the corner and they can't speak English. I can't even talk the way these people talk: 'Why you ain't,' 'Where you is' ... And I blamed the kid until I heard the mother talk. And then I heard the father talk. ... Everybody knows it's important to speak English except these knuckleheads. ... You can't be a doctor with that kind of crap coming out of your mouth!"

The Post said Cosby also targeted imprisoned blacks.

"These are not political criminals," he said. "These are people going around stealing Coca-Cola. People getting shot in the back of the head over a piece of pound cake and then we run out and we are outraged, 'The cops shouldn't have shot him.' What the hell was he doing with the pound cake in his hand?"

my thoughts later on this......

happy birthday!!!

2004-05-19T10:32:00.000-05:00

Malcolm X(El-Hajj Malik El Shabazz)

on dead prez: warzone..and the likes

2004-05-19T08:49:00.000-05:00

dead prez is working on my nerves...

i really liked these guys after experiencing
let's get free..then from there it went down hill

now-2004 i cop this Pete Rock and i get to Warzone
and this fool says...something something about your
girl in the club..i dont even bring i.d. to the club.
fool what?? how dare you waste a pete rock beat

what cause are these fools fighting for...the right to be as ignorant as possible on tracks? what? how tight i can roll 3 bandanas together? im not understanding...

i can't take these guys serious any longer...it's all a joke to me.

str8 from the email files: FW: DON'T BUY GAS ON MAY 19TH

2004-05-17T09:54:00.000-05:00

IT HAS BEEN CALCULATED THAT IF EVERYONE IN THE UNITED STATES DID NOT
PURCHASE A DROP OF GASOLINE FOR ONE DAY AND ALL AT THE SAME TIME, TH! E OIL
COMPANIES WOULD CHOKE ON THEIR STOCKPILES.

AT THE SAME TIME IT WOULD HIT THE ENTIRE INDUSTRY WITH A NET LOSS OF OVER
4.6 BILLION DOLLARS WHICH AFFECTS THE BOTTOM LINES OF THE OIL COMPANIES.

THEREFORE MAY 19TH HAS BEEN FORMALLY DECLARED "STICK IT UP THEIR behind "
DAY AND THE PEOPLE OF THIS NATION SHOULD NOT BUY A SINGLE DROP OF GASOLINE
THAT DAY.

THE ONLY WAY THIS CAN BE DONE IS IF YOU FORWARD THIS E-MAIL TO AS MANY
PEOPLE AS YOU CAN AND AS QUICKLY AS YOU CAN TO GET THE WORD OUT.

WAITING ON THIS ADMIINSTRATION TO STEP IN AND CONTROL THE PRICES IS NOT
GOING TO HAPPEN. WHAT HAPPENED TO THE REDUCTION AND CONTROL IN PRICES THAT
THE ARAB NATIONS PROMISED TWO WEEKS AGO?

REMEMBER ONE THING, NOT ONLY IS THE PRICE OF GASOLINE GOING UP BUT AT THE
SAME TIME AIRLINES ARE FORCED TO RAISE THEIR PRICES, TRUCKING COMPANIES ARE
FORCED TO RAISE THEIR PRICES WHICH EFFECTS PRICES ON EVERYTHING THAT IS
SHIPPED. THINGS LIKE FOOD, CLOTHING, BUILDING MATERIALS, MEDICAL SUPPLIES
ETC. WHO PAYS IN THE END? WE DO!

WE CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE. IF THEY DON'T GET THE MESSAGE AFTER ONE DAY, WE
WILL DO IT AGAIN AND AGAIN.

SO DO YOUR PART AND SPREAD THE WORD. FORWARD THIS EMAIL TO EVERYONE YOU
KNOW. MARK YOUR CALENDARS AND MAKE MAY 19TH A DAY THAT THE CITIZENS OF THE
UNITED STATES SAY "ENOUGH IS ENOUGH"

-----Original Message-----
From: Kenetra Ahlaam
Sent: Monday, May 17, 2004 9:31 AM
To: Tutt, Tiffany
Subject: Re: FW: DON'T BUY GAS ON MAY 19TH

We need to do something because this is OUTRAGEOUS. Didn't we kill all those people in Irag for oil..damn why Bush can't put some out on the streets for us common folk!!!!!

Peace

what i say:
I'm with whatever. we need a plan...i think this will work if enough people adhere to it...i think this would send a message to the gov.
trickle down econ is supposed to pacify us common folk....but you know and i know, that shit has never worked...not even during the drafting of the constitution when trickle down economics was introduced....
the poor will always be that..poor!

hell im still waiting on Bush to acknowledge reparations....he has yet to do that.....he's worried about his pockets....i say bush, cheney,,got damn haliburton can all suck my DICKTRACY!!!

o sorry bout the rant...lol

caught on tape

2004-05-13T08:52:00.000-05:00

i'm not sure who follows the news reports..as bogus as the news is.

but in recent news there has been talk about the beheading of one of our soldiers. of course floating around the internet is the "alleged" video of the actual event.

being who i am i opted to click the link to watch what was being taken place. however, i normally post links to everything..but this time i will not post any links to this particular tragedy. why? it goes like this: it had been a long time since i surfed the net, checked out some of my fav forums. well last night i did that. okayplayer being one of my stops...i had an interesting conversation regarding what happened in iraq.

there seems to be mixed views surrounding those who watched the video and those who wouldn't. no i said those who wouldn't not didn't. the argument goes: one side is saying the reason they chose to view the video was out of curiosity and a need to know what exactly goes on in REAL life. opposers said: it was highly disrepectful and those who watched have no respect for that life which was taken away so tragically. added to that- it was also compared to a circus sideshow act: "yes, a man being killed in a rather horrible way" is a curiosity, much like a circus sideshow often referred to in the same way. step right up and take a look through the hole in the wall to see something aMAZing."

this is where i disagreed. i agree that this should not be taken out of context and viewed as some cool stunt installment of faces of death. however, i do think it should be viewed by all "americans." turn on bbc news and your gauranteed to see the same images if not worse ones on regular prime time news. why in america are we so pot bellied and pacified that we deem it immoral to view this particular image? why yes we can sit and watch texas chainsaw massacre(by the way-this really happened in texas) and mock what is happening on screen. why it was okay for old masters to gather round the burning pit or an old tree to watch the good ole lynching of a NIGGA!

so once again AMERICANS are shook by a video. one of which we don't know if it really happened. the same way americans were shook after 911. where you this shook when james byrd was dragged to his death? mind you the james byrd tragedy happened just a few years ago. where you really this shook reading the slave narratives or seeing mass haitians being thrown from ships into the ocean....

i'm saying stop whining and do something about it. if you don't like the way something is going down- spark change! sparking change is not criticizing those with opposite views.

"on another note...i'm not here to justify anything.i watched the video because i felt it necessary
just as if there was a posted link to the actual
resurrection of jesus. i'd watch that too...just to see it
for myself. doesnt mean i lack respect. i simply want to know."

for those who want to know or see i will give info on where to find it but out of repect i will not broadcast that energy on this site. we can verse about it..because i'd like to know where others stand on this issue.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ah yes, i have been eagerly awaiting this...
...there's some good stuff on this album...

ok

2004-05-12T22:06:00.000-05:00

so i'm unsure of what i need to do in order
to not have this wack _ _ _ shifted text on this page.
any insight?

fhuck this i'm going to bed!!!

on some new ish...

2004-05-12T18:35:00.000-05:00

surprise, surprise blogger.com has finally done an upgrade.
i'm simply testing that waters here to see if i can like the
new look.

lately i haven't had an urge to write on this blog..maybe i'm
suffering from a loss of words or too much to say that i can't
put it down in word form...not really sure. so i guess i'll just
fool around with the templates.

brb....

semester end: summer begins

2004-05-05T10:04:00.000-05:00

it's upsetting when i don't listen to my first mental thought. especially when i feel it in my gut that i'm right about something.

the answer was pluralism and i put permanance...the whole time i kept thinking....the answer is pluralism..i knew this! but instead i did the opposite- i put the wrong damn answer....so there goes my chance at a flawless victory!

as i'm doing cartwheels and summersalts(sp?) leaving my school, it makes me happy to know that i've completed a semester worth of schooling. YIPPIE GOT DAMMIT!!! yesterday i had all my finals...needless to say i did a pretty good job this past semester. nothing too extreme or complicated involving school.

my personal life this semester took many turns and twists. some of which i didn't think i would survive. i've made it through my trials and it feels good to be a good place. i'm not going to get in on the maymester, but i'll probably enroll for the summer in june. for the next couple of days, i'm going to rest. take naps, go to a few shows, hang out with a few people i've blown off this past semester..(hehe)

i'm also embarking on something new...a nonprofit organization to help people of color learn more about creating financial wealth, stability, improving credit and healthy living. more info to come...later. then there's the music i'm working on.....in the spirit of foreign exchange...i've linked with a couple of cats out of state regarding music...been writing and working on a couple of songs for a small compilation project. cool shit is..we will record everything without physically meeting one another...thru internet sources, email and any other method we can find to get this done....also we'll be revamping endaikeio.com........ ! yes, finally! i'm ready for the summer..........

oh, yeah i'll also be purchasing a REAL camera this summer too.....can't wait!

what are you ready for? and what are your summer plans?

pardon me......the werd?

2004-04-20T08:30:00.000-05:00

pardon my progress...it's been so long since the last time i spoke here. it shouldn't be too much longer before i'm writing again. change in progress........

in other news....werd on the street was/is:
my man shyne is going to be on def jam. i'm pleased to hear this news...although it concerns me.
i'm concerned...if shyne is coming back to the mic....where will that leave Dy-lan?
will Dy-lan no longer spit anymore "hot fyah"? lol(nigga please)

i took a listen to that reunion joint from slum village. members included: dilla, t3 and elzhi......missing link = baatin. a little sad about baatin....but.....the song is nice....but hey my opinion is bias..i'm a dilla fan!

on the personal:
in the process of moving to a different apartment. let me say this: I HATE MOVING!!! lol who wants to help?

aight...gotta run.
peace

fyeye's...nontheless

2004-03-29T09:51:00.000-06:00

bare with me as i ponder a change for my blog....anyone interested in designing please let me know.....
ummm i'm broke so paying you $500 for a blog design is robbery.

hehe.

~!@#$%^&*(

2004-03-03T15:33:00.000-06:00

sighs......that's all i have

prayers are answered. wishes come true. if you speak it.........so shall it be

2004-02-11T00:57:00.000-06:00

so the time has come....finally! after all of negative energy and talk.....
yes they gave me the axe....the can...the boot(no not the facial expression) but
the let the door knob hit ya.....yada yada.....t-mobile and i have called it quits.
i have no clues as to why i was let go....honestly i don't really give a hoot!
i'm glad that relationship is over- done!
bad part is.........
i'm job
less.
not for too long. who can afford that shit anyway? so i'm searching for employment.
employment with benefits, stable history, room for advancement, 401k, stock options...
yes. you name it. you claim it. and it is/will be mine. got any clues, hookups on work....
holla!

as you can see i'm not bitter about this at all....and for those wondering....
no i didn't have any viloations or write ups, never called in..nothing of that nature.
i was told i wasn't enthusiastic enough.....ha! yeah sure while my mom's in the hospital,
and i'm doing 3 jobs and your paying me for only one....rigggght. your damn right in fact.
i'll never be happy about making you millions- when i can't even put gas in my car.
you got darn right i'm not enthusiastic about this job or you spreading evil rumors about
the godis to the rest of the employees. matter of fact....i'm happy about this separation.
not my situation but our departing.
.......
i mean i actually had to pull out my inner bitch today just to get my last paycheck
out these people. since when does an employer hold your earnings.....for no got damn reason?
i'm sure she'll never do that shit again after that cursing she received from yours truly today.
yes nekaybaaw will get ugly if i'm pushed to an extreme. i've asked for forgiveness.
oh but i ain't forgot bitch! hehe

ok so i needed a laugh.

on other things......ummm when it rains..................
so i'm on the way to get my check and i get stopped by the damn fuzz.
2 tickets today! not one but 2.
grand total $385.
so with no job. how the hell???????
today was one of the worst days i've had since i've been in dallas. but the days ahead will
be brighter i know this.
i felt better once i got to class tonight. discussing buddha...which actually brought
life back to my body. I am ready for the next day.
i am motivated. hope all are as well. if your thinking that your shit is bad....ummmm
just look to me and you'll know that i'm a shitty mess sometimes too....lol

gotta work my mojo!

peace be good people.
stay up

2004 The Year of the Titty: To titty or not to titty? Is that the question

2004-02-03T14:14:00.000-06:00

don't laugh i know what your thinking...no this is not a post about
my like or dislike for the titty. hmmm that's another topic.
this post is about the affects of having been graced with a famous titty
on national te-lies-vision. why yes i would be speaking of non other
than ms. jackson.

this is by far the most interesting thing that i've seen in years. not since
the world trade bombing have i been so into news coverage. yes i've
scoured my local tv stations to get as much info about this as possible.
from cnn, msnbc...bet..mtv..you name. whoever has tit coverage i'm on it.
wanna know why? ask me...ask me dammit.

it is proving once again how america has such a disdain for a black woman's
sexual-ness if you will. or display of sexuality. why many already believe that
we are oversexed as a people. but to see the reactions janet's receiving
in regards...is by far the most blatant attempt of finger pointing.
i'm not too sure as to what she's feeling at the moment.
as this was NOT a planned thing...yeah right! lol. whatever the case
janet your stirring a strong emotional brew among the american media.
with the recent coverage of her big bro's struggles...i see this as - adding
that extra spice to that gumbo. noticeable comment:

eclipsedInI
"but it's not just a pound of flesh..."
it's 1 of a black woman's source of life giving & sustenance,
exposed by a young white boy given an honorary soul card.
so it's effects are gonna be morphed by popular media
the real shit i wanna watch is the subconscious shit going on
in popular opinion about black nudity

i sort of agree with this comment. while i've seen hate on the topic,
comments like "well she picked the wrong venue to make a statement",
"it's justin's fault as well as hers"....it's rather funny how we jump
to conclusions as if we were in the room or the on the stage
when this happened. we don't know the intentions.
mtv's saying that this was not planned and it was a mistake...
right....who wants the fcc breathing down their neck? smart move.
but for how long mtv??? while your increased coverage of the titty
blasts on every 10 minutes to the hour...."u heard it here first!!!"

where am i going with this?
by showing flesh to mass numbers of people a black woman
is sort of stigmatized as having iden(tity) loss, or likened to having
all sorts of issues related to not having father figures...while
there's truth to all of these statements. but i am willing to bet my left
titty that this hoopla would not have taken place if it had been madonna.
which happens to be my girl as well...but if you wanna compare...
where's all the hoopla gone with that big ole kiss she hitting christina
and brittney with huh? dead*

i'm going to sit back and watch as america is spoon fed yet one more
thing to start controversy over..media media...instead of looking at real
issues that affect our daily lives...which should be GETTING DUBBYA
OUT OF FUCKING OFFICE.

i'm not asleep you sonsabitches i can see through this. why, use
this as a deterrent from what's going on around us. make us forget
what a real issue is. funny how bbc has coverage of the same
event but in a light hearted way- are paying ms. jackson tribute
as they've been graced with the site of her titty! viva bbc!!!

observe...listen....learn...seek...grow...awaken
the media has you.

titty ram

?who knew? did you know? well now you do......

2004-01-27T08:04:00.000-06:00

new shit!! one of my fav groups...i've admired these sista's for sometime.
they're vocal arrangements, abilities, demeanor......u know what this means?
note to all girl groups currently out NOW! upgrade your style EnVouge is back
got dammit......mp3's linked as well.

this was on the hush or something...even i hadn't heard any of this till now..
and i'm elite......hehe!

today's observation

2004-01-21T12:10:00.000-06:00

i can't help but to think that beyonce's speechless was written with aaliyah in mind.
i'on't know maybe it's just me..haven't done my resurch on it..but yeah beyonce' I SEE YOU GYAL!!!!!
do your thing...................

i'm

feeling

u/it!

judge ye NOT!!!: speaking my peace

2004-01-20T23:23:00.000-06:00

for i was compelled to say this......
to my dearest sincere:

of course your comments inspired my lil rant tonight. as i'm fresh outta class this evening, i decided to check my blog. mind you this is RIGHT after my religion class...lol so pardon i this may be long winded.
sincere:

i understand your comments in regards to Dr. King. i'm sure that you have plenty reason for your feelings. justifiable. your reference to Dr. King needing to have a "backbone".....well i laughed at this...why Dr. King sure as hell can't have that now. but often i've heard similiar comments from others in the past few years. we all have our opinions- which are good and bad. however, i don't agree with you here. i've often asked those who thought Dr. King needed a backbone why they felt this way. most comments were about how turning the other cheek is coward like and hasn't done anything to change things.

wrong! if anything remember this..and i'm sure your aware.....it takes far MORE courage to turn the other cheek on your enemy than it does to strike back. often times your enemy will walk away with a certain respect for you. because you've stood your ground and you didn't have to result to lesser means to make your point. why isn't that what Ghandi preached and exhibited?? yes, he did-----insert foot note here---a lot of what Dr. King preached, taught and learned were things he learned from Ghandi. where as, Ghandi seen as such a nobleman amoungst men..damn near deity..but on the flip one of OUR own is ridiculed and called a coward for doing the same thing. like i said earlier Ghandi was not all good...why some of his practices when he lived in south africa were not helpful but oppressive to afrikans...but he's still an icon.

i can't take any credibility away from Dr. King, Malcolm X, Huey Newton and anyone else because in my eye they all fought for the same thing. EQUALITY. how dare you say how one needs to get a backbone when you've NEVER expierenced having a water hose sprayed on you while going to your church gathering, or how could you say these things if you've never been thrown in jail for standing to your belief that BLACK people in america should have equal rights.....how can one...as you sit at your pc...with internet access and type such things......when this man is partly/not whole responsible for seeing that WE have the same luxuries.....how soon do we forget. THIS is what oppresses BLACK people. the attitude. our attitudes are shameful and ridiculous as we know NOT what it is to FIGHT and DIE for what we believe in most. i am really ashamed of those comments...not u as a person but the comments...it saddens me to see throths of white people praising Dr. King and yet we turn our backs....ungrateful basterds. he should be celebrated along with countless others. he seems to be the poster child for the civil rights for blacks....not saying i agree with that...but he is worthy of celebration....so are those four lil sisters who died in the 16th st. babptist church back home in bombingham,al. along with assata, fred hampton, and the rest.

i don't know what u would prescribe as the cure...but to say that turning the other cheek aint do nothing is a stretch. shit throwing fists didn't and hasn't done shit but cause us to loot and burn our own communities. ??? what would you prescribe? i say try and watch comments like this for you've never had to walk that path he's walked,,,so you don''t know what his shoes felt like...you've never had to lead the WHOLE black community-let alone get majority on one accord. until you have.........these words are null and void.

this goes out to ANY of you who have the same comments or feelings.....
i'd like to know what, how, when, where and why you feel this way. you don't have to post your comments here if u trying to maintain privacy....i am open for all peeps...shit email me we can verse: Nekaybaaw@endaikeio.com

i'm going to chill on that note..i got clothes to fold and find something to eat in this late hour.
take care.

give thanks.

Libations n Such

2004-01-19T08:24:00.000-06:00

I'd like to take this moment to send a special shout out.
This particular shout is very special to me. I'd like to thank
George W. Bush for your enlightening though provocking display of
concern for the black community. Sir your recent visit to Atlanta, GA
in memorial for Dr. Martin Luther King was astonishing. You've actually
supplied the urban community with hope that we will get YO AZZ
removed of office...Thanks but no thanks for the little sentiment of
gratitude. Dude stop it! It is enough that you've insulted millions
of americans with debt and unfortunate deaths. Now this.
I'd rather see Michael on TV waving to his fans as he enters the courtroom.

About the pic: I thought is were the best out of the choices I had.
Why Ghandi you were'nt 100% but your efforts of non-violence
as displayed in India are looked at as noble. In your next life I hope that you
will embrace Afrikans being that your an extension of it......(insert surprised looks here)

Ok, enough about that...On the serious side of thangs I'm a few days
late of giving my journal thanks to Dr. the King Martin(i am aware that i used his name like this)
Most tend to think of Dr. King as the token symbol for eqaulity for
black people. Well he stood for that and credit is due to ALL those who
gave unconditional efforts to make OUR lives as plush as they are.
Though it may not seem plush...I'm sure it's millions of miles away from
that which my ancestors had. With that said....I give thanks for all that you've
done and given to my race of people. Without your efforts a lot of this
shit wouldn't be possible. Why yes it's still a mystery as to who actually pulled
the trigger that ended your life....We are not clueless to that..and i'm sure in some
form or another you knew that you would meet death in that fashion.
Doesn't make it right but life is that way sometimes. It tests us to see how
strong we are mentally and physically. You've passed that test.
Just a few sincere words from a young woman who's thought you to be
one of the reasons why I am.....Who I am!

~Ashe~

Chant up........

ps: we gonna keep Dubbya away from your grave so that u can rest in peace.

pours out a lil foe ya!

12 step program: the admittal process

2004-01-17T09:04:00.000-06:00

just sum fun shit i posted: but in a way i'm serious...lol go figure.

peace I'm Nekaybaaw and:
I am elite. I pride myself on making those of non-elite status feel shitty and clueless about anything music like...I'm a fan of all genre's of music. My collection consists of over 8,200 pieces of music(that's vinyl and cd's). I won't get into the tapes i've collected in the earlier years.

remember like it was yesterday when the folks took me to Zayre(yes i said Zayre-and yes i'm old) to get my very OWN first piece of music. Mom and dad bought me 2 45's and a tape....Eurythmics Sweet Dreams, Olivia Newton John's Let's Get Physical and Evelyn Champaynge King's Get Loose tape. My prized possessions for many years. It was then I developed a deep love for singing and performing(in my bedroom at least...then).

actually i started b4 b4...I would chill in dad's ride able to over hear my dad's rotation. I would turn my lil nose up at the thought of this old guy listening to music-naw..i thought music had been my own personal discovery. As i look back it was really dad who schooled me.....I recall hearing The Stylistics, The Dramatics, Marvin Gaye.....Funkadelic, LTD, Breakwater(10cents to anycat on this board who knows this group)....Sam Cooke to Muddy Waters.

Step it up to my ears first taste of what is known as hip hop....Once I heard The Message...it was over. I managed to purchase almost every rap artists tape that came out from 83-92.

I like to lurk and wait for people to fuck up music facts just so i can call them out on it.....just to say "yoon noe shit bout dat music fool." It makes me feel good inside to know that I'm elite in some way...Although i've felt this for sometime- this is the first time i've admitted it.

*think i need a drink & smoke now.

i know i'm not alone in this..others please stand up!

school/creativity/indie ventures.......ghost writing but neva biting

2004-01-16T06:50:00.000-06:00

so school has begun/began.....
i'm sitting in class(world religions), this is where i start to
really realize that this world is full of generalizations and labels...
not that I didn't know this already but now it is apparent.
i've learned that I am considered amoung many as a syncretist....
meaning: that i can combine different aspects of religion to
compile my own school of thoughts in regards to my religion.

well i disagree. number one i don't consider myself to be
religious at all. i follow no laws or guidelines when it comes to
giving thanks to the creator. i don't know about those of you out there
but it works for me. that's what matters right???
what i did agree with was the statement made: Respect Requires Understanding
with that said i think this class is going to be promising.
in the sense of gaining insight on other practices outside of mine.

ahhhh yes, the guitar class....my only comment on this would be...
fools, watch out i'm bout to rock out for the rest of my old decrepet life....
hahahaha!!! i'll be the lost love child of bad brains/fishbone nshit.
look for me to have a damn mohawk or something...lol ok that was a joke.
but i think i'm going to like this class.

i've made a promise to myself that I will no longer post in my blog
about my ins and outs at my job. it is understood I DON'T LIKE IT!!!!
I know that i don't like working for corporate america....so i'll just
take the proper steps of using this place as means to get me to the next
level. done. finish. dead**

thanks to all who caught a lil view of my photo spot moment....
ummm not the best work i've done but i thought the moment i captured
of Ms. Baduuuuu Baduuu was priceless.... my mom should be proud
i'm hustling articles, photos and singing/song writing.....lol!
"you can't make no money being an artist"
that's what dad said to me when i was 18 and about to leave for college.
WORSE shit you can ever tell a child...but dad....I love yo ass
in spite of....we cool like dat! since then he's seen what a little talent
can do for a person.......

for some reason the one constant thought i've had all week is:
"maybe i should let him feel on my booty"
next post: the affects of being celibate and what it does to your mind....lol!
who got that latest episodes of BOOTY TALK???? ha!

PEACE
stay up people!

slogan for 2004:
REPARATIONS NOW BITCH!

2004-01-12T14:44:00.000-06:00

so yeah.....
i told yall to check for me when you see me.......
I beez around trying to hold my end down n thangs...
guess i've made a lil family over at okayplayer.com......
peep a sista's amatuer photo debut DAMMIT!!!!

side note added days later:
ahhhh sorry for the MIS-education....my photo is for the Jan. 12th i believe, it's the one of Badu...

outside of that...today's the first day of class..
it has been a while since i've been to anybodies school...
but umm i'm bout to do this school thang! edumacation is my friend.

i hope today finds all of you in a peaceful state of mind.
spread the love to your neighbor, you never know they may
need that uplifting..

oh! i have about 20 minutes before i get off the job.....
u jealous right? lmao.

PEACE

nia

2003-12-30T11:24:00.000-06:00

nia (purpose)
to make our collective vocation the building and developing of our community in order to restore our people to their traditional greatness.

what's your purpose? and how will your purpose effect a collective black community?

we celebrating kwanzaa here
been all around the net and only few to none blogs are in support of kwanzaa. i've seen numerous in the spirit of karastmas......insight please?

someone brought to mind that celebrating kwanzaa is almost as ridiculous as celebrating karastmas. their argument was that most of the sistas and brothas who celebrate it are not sincere..also suggested that karenga(founder of kwanzaa) is a sellout....or suggesting that those who always impose afrocentric ideas are really doing it as a means to get status(.) which brings to mind something i threw out on the OK discussion board- apathy and it's affects on black minds.

i'm going to cut this short for now. please check back for my: nigga's and apathy rant.

tambiko

kujichagulia

2003-12-27T11:57:00.000-06:00

kujichagulia (self-determination)
to define ourselves, name ourselves, create for ourselves and speak for ourselves.

what does self determination mean to you? anyone even observing kwanzaa this year? speak up!

celebrate!

news and rants...

2003-12-23T16:44:00.000-06:00

just a few thangs i wanna touch on......

up first i'd like to ask what is all the hoopla concerning the statements Ms. Hill made at the Vatican Concert? i for one saw the importance of what she had to say. some believe that there's a time and place for all things....true. all things in moderation. what exactly is a good time to put the vatican on full blast? well let me clarify that, what would've been a better time to bring out issues that have been brought to light out in the publics veiw??? i say big ups to lauryn for having the balls to confront this situation.....peep some of the comments i noticed:

Comments & Trackbacks
"Comments? Anyone? Bueller? Anyone?" (80 comments & pings so far)
Comment 1 posted by Sandra Smallson on December 15, 2003 08:02 AM:

I'm appalled by Ms Hill's behaviour. She is no saint herself. This self righteous behavior needs to be curtailed by people in this world. Ofcourse it is deplorable what some, I repeat, SOME priests seem to be doing to Altar boys etc. What I am sure is annoying to a lot of people is that nothing is being done to the pedophiles, the church in the eyes of many does not seem to be taking action. Well, the church is caught b/w a rock and a hard place. How can they preach forgiveness and judgment is for God, and then proceed not to forgive these priests and judge them?

Why exactly did Ms hill agree to perform for such an audience if she was so appalled by their behaviour? She could have refused to perform and read her statement at that point. I am not defending the behaviour of the priests and bishops but I do not think I am in any position to be throwing stones at anybody when I've got my own sins to worry about. Nobody ever knows what these priests are up to but they will answer to their God. If you go to mass, the fact that the priest might be a pedophile does not tarnish the sacred nature of the mass you have attended, it tarnishes the priest and the priest alone.

I think Lauryn Hill should not have attended the event at all if she had such strong views about the vatican and using that opportunity to attack the vatican is just daft. Is she even catholic?

(See other comments from the same name, url or both.)
Comment 2 posted by Eric Olsen on December 15, 2003 08:17 AM:

I bet she won't be asked back. This was certainly rude, but maybe they needed to hear it.

(See other comments from the same name, url or both.)
Comment 3 posted by ClubhouseCancer on December 15, 2003 08:27 AM:

Bravo Lauryn!

People who speak truth to power are always criticised, and always vindicated. It's just too bad she had to ruin the Christmas of the leaders of that organized crime syndicate.

Instead of giving one thought to those evil Cardinals and their feelings, why not keep a good thought for the thousands of victims of the depraved rapists they've supported and employed?

(See other comments from the same name, url or both.)
Comment 4 posted by Natalie Davis on December 15, 2003 08:42 AM:

Lauryn rules! Gotta wonder, though, why she took that particular gig. I guess this audience did need a hard dose of truth for a change.

Comment 7 posted by bhw on December 15, 2003 09:22 AM:

I think Hill was pretty damned balls-y! Saying it right there at the Vatican!

As for the first commenter's points about priests and forgiveness, the church is free to forgive its pedophile priests while they serve out their prison sentences. I don't think repeatedly sending the fox back into the hen house counts as forgiveness. Seems like it counts as willfully ignoring the law and the safety and well being of the children of your church.

(See other comments from the same name, url or both.)
Comment 8 posted by Sandra Smallson on December 15, 2003 03:42 PM:

I hope Hill is as "Ball-sy" in her own household. Somehow, I doubt it very much. As for the person who refers to the priests or the vatican as "organised crime"..what can anybody say to a person like you? Nothing!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Real girls get down on the flo' on the flo'.. Like a pimp

i'd also like to make those aware especially if your not.....you should be aware of the newest clothing line launched by David Banner. ok ok..i know your thinking what the hell not another line of clothing....well yes and no. brotha is lauching a line of throwback jerseys in honor of emmitt till...ok so now you asking who is emmitt till?..if your not familiar and your skin tone is that of brown...then you should know who i'm speaking of..
tell me if what he's doing ain't the truth.......i fully bigup this effort to raise awareness in the hip hop community. i respect david banner's music and efforts at this. this is worth supporting.

ok so now i can take a deep breath.....
after hearing the jury's decision of giving lee malvo life without parole...i have a sense of easiness. even though life is just that.......i didn't want to see the little brother killed. i am one of the few who actually doesn't believe this bullshit story about two black men laying out in the back of a vehicle knocking people off.....come on. that's some white man shit....seriously.....i'm not being racist when i say that...well maybe it is. but i just don't believe it....hell make me believe it. what happened to the alleged white van and alleged two white male suspects???? hmmm, sumbody answer me....anyways- i'm waiting on the decision for muhammed. that is the one to watch.....but i already know they are going to kill him. got that good feeling......

dem say u too picky....

2003-12-17T14:22:00.000-06:00

ever had the pressing need for affection?
the last few weeks have been stressful for
a sista..as a matter of fact just a tad bit too stressful.
god please don't take this as a complaint....
i am more than capable of handling any situation
you send my way....

with that said.....
i'll go ahead an admit that in my strongest,
bravest, non chalant, somewhat passive/aggressive, independent
self...i to am wanting the benefits of affection.
yep i said it.....lol!
momentary affection will suit me just fine....
nothing committed unless--well that's whats intended for me.
just come on over and leave(unless i give u the alright to stay)....nothing hard or tricky.
problem is my friend tasha says i'm too picky to
have these type of relationships....lol! why is it
that when you have a certain somthing that your wanting
in a potential mating....your labeled as picky! wack!
i think we should all have lists and values that we adhere to
on the regular....why not?

all i'm saying is a sista needs a hug.kiss. just some
affection...dammit! along with the usual stimulating conversation
of course that's a must. so if you meet these facts i've stated
call me @ 867-5309eeeionnnnn.

otha news:
ummm can someone explain to me the significance of
a fuckin potluck!!!! ok let me take a stab....
it's when all your greedy fat co-workers ask you
to cook food to bring to work so they can dip out the pots
all damn day....then not to mention your dish that you brought
to work with you...somehow disappears.....did they eat that too? u greedy bastid.
you should see these wacks in here all around the table
lol....don't eat this or that....she nasty...hahahaha!

i wonder where i''d fit into the cateogory....i'm that
one kat who never brings anything..but somehow manages
to have food given to them....because people tend to
want to make my eating habits the topic of discussion:
"girl here, that's why you so damn small-eatin all dem vegatables n stuff"
gimme a break.....go eat a hamhock or something.....
i'll show ya the real meaning of potluck....

*chills in the back smoking on a joint*

wadu 4 now

some hiatus type shit......

2003-12-16T17:35:00.000-06:00

anybody looking for me or need anything
i'll be in my usual hiding place in the hills
of iraq, chilling, smoking a phat joint of the finest.......sand infested herb...
with $7.50 in my pocket and a couple AK 47'ems....

so don't test me dammit! i will pull my weapons
of lyrical destruction out and bomb this place....
oh wait...i'll just get my looka like to take my place
so that i won't be bothered...

hootie hoooo!

some shit no matter how much you try to
dress it up it still looks like bullshit.....if you don't know
or can't see or smell the stinch....then i question U
as well......

this rant was brought to you by:
whom else but, none other than.......................................

sometimes

2003-12-12T21:10:00.000-06:00

i wish........

that i really was all seeing(then i'd know what to expect)
i could verbally express myself the same way i write
didn't have to hurt
i can chill all day with the pigeons that chill on my stoop
my bank account would get switched with Oprah's
i wasn't stereotyped by my appearence
there was someone whom i could depend
nigga's would wake up!
life wasn't so hard
that reality would kill fanstasy in a battle
i'd never accepted the responsibilty of having a sound mind(then i wouldn't be reponsible for my actions)
i could've seen jesus myself(put an end to not knowing)
bob marley were still alive and making music
i wasn't lazy
b.e.t. were still black owned and donnie simpson were the host
i had the answers to the questions about death
i had the cure for aids
i could chill with nefertiti, osirus, isis,horus, just to see what really went down in egypt
that i could've seen dinsaurs with my own eyes
niggas would stop talking bout a revolution, especially when your not serious
i didn't lack discipline in certain areas
i'd never moved to dallas, tx
that basquait were as popular and celebrated as picasso
i'd tried exstacy when i was offered it back in the day(at least i could add that to my list of things i've done)
bilal, davina, adrianna evans, n'dea davenport would release some new shit!..lol
i really could shapeshift and get the hell off planet earth
that i never signed a 2-year ageement with sprintpcs

my wishing would end...but it won't so until it does...i'll keep wishing and writing about my wishes dammit!

pardon me today was a very trying day....
nevertheless.....carry on

what type of blogger are you?:get more from wireless

2003-12-08T12:19:00.000-06:00

VERBAL VIRTUOSE:
You are the verbal virtuose that we would all like
to be. You read a lot and write effortlessly
and well. Everyone is waiting for your novel!

What kind of blogger are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

not too sure about this but if you say so......

thanks and blessings to all who enter my lil space within cyber land.
thanks so much for all prayers and words in regards to my mom.
all prayers and blessings are needed.
she's doing a lot better than she was...right now she has a
vitamin deficiency- also she's in physical therapy. so things are looking
up. i just have to help change her attitude...maybe influence some positivity.
anyways-thank you all again! love and respect......

on to other things...
i'm in the job market-shopping around for something
better than what i'm doing and also something that will work
with my school schedule.....rearranging......"restructuring and reroute"

man customer service.....has me jaded!
listening to people bitch and complain about T-Mobile's plans for 8hrs.
i take calls from customers concerning their accounts and get them connected
to their wireless service.......
and i swear every got damn person that calls and asks about receiving
a credit for something that they have ALREADY used....makes my ass itch!
lol! i'm thinking...jeez this can not be the driving point of your day...
if all i had to worry or be concerned about was whether or not I could
connect to a wireless service or get money back because
i did not READ my TERMS and CONDITIONS......
maybe i'd become a greedy asshole too....God forbid.
greed.......gluttony.......only 2 of the 7 sins but the most powerful
words that i use to describe majority of T-Mobile's customers.....
lol! as T-Mobile says: "Get More!"

"attitude is very rude,boo- crabby like seafood"

did anyone happen to catch the first half of Angels in America?
you gotta love Jeffery Wright!

peace and balance

moderation:all things in......

2003-12-04T12:16:00.000-06:00

yesterday started out as one of the best days.
then it took a turn for not so good....
worked some overtime at the job.
then i paid my tuition for the coming semester..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
received a call from my dad....trying to
explain to me that mom had a stroke......(insert emotions here)
and that she is confined to the hospital indefinitely-till further notice..

and today my mood is:
mixedfeelingsofpastandpresentemotions
i'm thinking of home in a special way as of now.....

today is about maintaining my positivity- keeping in good spirits.
-i'm out of words for the moment.

peace

Administrative leave is what they gave em'

2003-12-02T16:49:00.000-06:00

administrative leave is what they gave them.....if you don't know what administrative leave is....it's paid leave. also like saying you really didn't do anything wrong but we have to suspend you, but ga'head we'll still pay ya jim......also they are saying that Mr. Nathaniel Jones was induced by PCP:

CINCINNATI - Police appeared to follow procedure when attempting to subdue a black man who later died, and "it's obvious one of the officers was assaulted" before the taped beating began, Police Chief Thomas Streicher said Tuesday.

The cause of Jones' death was under investigation. Preliminary autopsy results showed he had an enlarged heart, and his blood contained cocaine and PCP, or "angel dust," both of which can cause erratic behavior, Hamilton County Coroner Carl Parrott said.

speculation....by gosh that's it. why don't we just say that he died of an heart attack...even though we beat the shit out of him.....what the fuck is going on in cincinnati?

from my viewing i am seeing cops constantly jabbing this man, beating him-clubbing the shit outta him as well.....i also see where he pushed an officer, then tried to take his club....only after being repeatedly beaten with it........

the fine line/what your job SHOULD be:
protect and serve muthafucka! that does not mean billy clubbing what you deem as suspicious black men to death. if you come in contact with an individual and you can NOT contain him......use proper measures....where were the tasers? how come out of 6 police officers -not one of them had a taser.......where was the mace? this is not about the cops being wrong....both parties were wrong. but is that a reason to beat a human till his death.....he was high, ok but ask yourself, would he have died if he'd never been beaten? i think he'd still be alive- that is till the PCP killed him

yes there's actually a brother involved...i wonder what going on in his head....your one em now.

my thoughts:
this pisses me off! once again another life has been taken at the hands of the police system...... Amadou Diallo R.I.P. ....i know some of you may comment-with an opposing view.....but you have to acknowledge that this is indeed a problem. a worldwide problem, that has not been properly addressed by congress, the states invovled, city officials. for god's sake they still got Mumia on death row....wtf???? we either dead or in prison....seems to keep popping up in my head now......cincinnati alone has a serious issue with the police department---is there anything being done about it.....are we(black people) out there rallying for our rights as humans? hell naw-we're on the inside hiding behind our security blankets: plush cars, 401k, bullshit salaries, raises, job status, welfare..the comfort zone.....you know that lil government issued bullshit-to keep that mouth shut....."oh no masta, iain't said or seen't nuffin, not long as u taken care me." what i'm saying is we no longer see the benefits of sit ins,marches or protests....these days niggas laugh when you say something about making a change for the better......truth is a lot of us think that it can get no better(can i say that? grammatically correct?no?) how do you compete with the alseep????

caught a show:toilet tissue(the getaway spot)

2003-11-30T16:50:00.000-06:00

had the opportunity to catch Dwele and Slum Village live last night.
it was a pretty ok show. i'm only giving it an ok due to the turnout..or lack of turnout that is...
Slum Vill only did about 5 songs total..I think Dwele topped that with 6 songs...lol
the show was fairly short-but the wait time was forever....i'm guessing they wanted to
wait for more people to show up...well if they'd just ask me i'd told them that
Dallas is a fickle place to see a show.....I mean if you ain't from here you probably won't get
the love you'd like or support. but thats my opinion.

I did enjoy myself for the time i was there. I can have fun in almost any situation it seems.
but yeah i'd rather see slum and dwele in another place beside dallas.

it's almost that time for me to punch the clock...get home, get things in order for tomorrow
work on a few things. and watch Carnivale'.

in my attempts to make work go by i tend to wonder the building in search of
cool images to capture.....for the niggas...that means finding pictures to take!...lol i ended up in
of my favorite rooms....

today's photo moment:

psa: sponsored by rass kass

2003-11-28T13:45:00.000-06:00

Now listen, when you celebrate "Thanksgiving"
What you are actually celebratin
is the proclamation of the Pope of Rome
Who later, in league with Queen Isabella
sent Cardinal Ximenos to Spain
to murder any blacks that resisted Christianity
These Moors, these black men and women
were from Baghdad, Turkey
And today, you eat the turkey, for your "Thanksgiving" day
as the European Powers destroyed the Turkeys
Who were the forefathers of your mothers and fathers
Now fight the power, you bitch-ass niggaz!
(c) Ras Kass - Nature of the Threat

I gave thanks and continues to....................give thanks for you!: milkshakes

2003-11-28T11:05:00.000-06:00

thanks to the greedy white men who killed countless indians and stole many countries...then claimed to have discovered them...thanks to you for giving us this day off! thanks for the numerous classes on how the pilgrims came to america-yada yada...thanksgiving...even though it's all bullshit!...yada. thank you all. I still had to work. lol I am thankful that I was able to get some work done yesterday. washed clothes, did some rearranging...shit like that.

said my daily prayers. called my family expressed my love and gratitude for them. gave thanks for all my blessings, friends, enemies, allies and associates in my lil life. attempted to open the lines of communication with an old friend. i do miss home...sometimes it gets lonely during the hellidays but I had a remedy for that. oh yeah!!! smoke one nigris!!! i did miss the smell of good food being cooked in the kitchen..my grandmama's dressing...sighs*...at least i had a break from those ghetto ass messicans that live under me. lol so i was able to blast my music while i worked at home.

for the first time in my life----i sat through a footbal game...and i actually followed what the hell was going on. ha! i'm bad about sports. i don't particularly care for them. but i did realize that damn DALLAS got they ASSES beat!!!!!

my thanksgiving was spent in reflection and moderation of the past and present. I do not regret anything that I've done in my life. i've learned from it all. I love my family and friends and I miss all yall asses...........kisses and hugs.
yah mo be my ass home in a minute....niggas! so stop asking me. I'm coming and it's on!

in otha news:
been listening to this new Kelis - Tasty. and i must say ummmm....it's kinda dope.....uh huh what can I say- I had to cop this early ok! sue me!.....RIAA. however I can't wait for it to drop.....speaking of Kelis..this whole milkshake thing has made me re-asses my own milkshake. In a strange colorful kelis kinda-way...she's help me discover my own milkshake...lol! and "damn right it's betta than yours!"

Ok i'm at work and it's boring as hell...............I'm pretty much caught up on my work....so I'm going to twidle my thumbs.
lalalalallala.
hope everyone's helliday was swell!
peace and love.

News and Gleanor:Bio-chip implant arrives for cashless transactions

2003-11-25T11:05:00.000-06:00

...yep, while ya'll were sleeping somebody's been working.....
this has been in the making for a long time.....you think this is a joke?
personally, i don't see shit funny! nigga!

The Moon in the Mind/Feelings ~What are the odds?

2003-11-25T10:08:00.000-06:00

moments of silence are supposed to prepare me for what i'm about to say or think. well in my case they have. for a while now i've been without words. maybe it was a lack of inspiration-naw! i'm always inspired by something whether it's negative or positive. how could one exist and not be inspired? why there's so much to this series of events we call life. i've experienced a few great loss's in the past months or so. it wasn't until last night i really reacted..it all started with that damn bjork.....lol.

here's how it goes.
i'm watching dancer in the dark, one of my favorite films, i get this overwhelming feeling of sadness, mixed with joy, grief, pain, confusion and other feelings. i felt a tremendous amount of happiness/sadness for the main character. to those that have seen this film...your probably thinking "what the hell was there to be happy about"? my happiness came out of understanding that sometimes in life things don't go as we'd like them, and that there's always someone out there in a far worse situation than yours. not that others mishaps make me happy, just knowing that i'm not the only-does. also seeing how someone can have so much determination and strength while in the worse predicaments.

see i understood selma...i understood how she could hear music in her head...i understood why she always worked so hard. i also understand why she chose the path she did. she was "dying for him to see"...... i'm telling you watching this movie stirred so many emotions....ones that i wasn't aware of-or am i being cheesy? i don't think so. i've had ample time to reflect and think on my life, plans, thoughts and fears. i like the fact that i'm sensitive at times, i like that i can determine what something is before trying it out....but what i don't like is not seeing certain characteristics that lie dormant in me....or have i chosen to not look at those things. of course i'd like to say that i pay attention to detail and i listen carefully. truth is....i can but i haven't been listening like i should...and sometimes i've fallen at the most important times.

it's easier to point out mishaps of others than your own. i'm guilty of this, i'm human....neither above or below-i am capable of falling just as you. what i do know is i accept responsibility for all my actions....- or +. one of life's learned/learning lessons. i'm a student of.............life.

to whom it may:
i'm sorry for saying things to intentionally hurt feelings. although i did sincerely mean well. all i ask for is understanding. i now understand that there's 2 sides. obviously i needed to see and realize some things. but i won't say that it doesn't hurt......but life has a funny way of dealing cards.
one i was dealt.....

The Moon in the Mind/Feelings position:

This is what this card means specifically when it lands in this position of a "Tarot Spread".

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Layers of illusion are removed; your essential self is disclosed.

The card in the Mind/Feelings position reflects an aspect of who you are right now, as you present yourself to the Tarot experience.

With the Moon in this position, you are cast into your deepest unknown. Not to be seen as either bad or good, this is an opportunity to penetrate your inner life. You may be familiar with this experience or you may never have experienced it before in your life.

You are moving between worlds, shifting and modifying. Reality changes from hour to hour; your rational mind has deserted you, leaving instinct and intuition as your guides. All the architecture of civilization has been stripped from your personality and you are naked unto yourself.

i started writing this on yesterday, which means my mental has progressed since then. all while still reflecting on some past experiences.......always learning and growing.

did anyone catch the vibe awards...i need an update....i know i'm all late..better late than never right???? right?

wanna be startin sumthyn? making you laugh!!!

2003-11-21T14:14:00.000-06:00

why they gotta do my boy like this?....
even though this pic is not real...it is rather hilarious.....and i love Mike i do....but i had to laugh at this one.

for now

2003-11-20T14:03:00.000-06:00

A less than stellar reveiw of Erykah Badu's WorldWide Underground EP in Stylus Magazine.
Almost similiar to what I thought of her ep. The writer does tend to show his vunerable side while painting this musical picture. But the writer has a few valid points and key things to say......read on

words from the wise

2003-11-17T14:43:00.000-06:00

someone sent these words to me today....thanks a million
i needed that!
give thanks

Misty Morning

Misty mornin`, don`t see no sun;
I know you`re out there somewhere having fun.
There is one mystery - yea-ea-eah - I just can`t express:
To give your more, to receive your less.
One of my good friend said, in a reggae riddim,
`Don`t jump in the water, if you can`t swim.`
The power of philosophy - yea-ea-eah - floats through my head
Light like a feather, heavy as lead;
Light like a feather, heavy as lead, yeah.

See no sun! Oh.
Time has come, I want you -
I want you to straighten out my tomorrow! Uh.
I want - I want - I want you - (tomorrow).
Oh, wo-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!
I want you to straighten out my (tomorrow)!

Misty (morning) mornin`, don`t see no sun;
I know you`re out there somewhere having fun.
Mysteries I just can`t express:
How can you ever give your more to receive your less
Like my good friend said, in a reggae riddim:
`You can`t jump - you can`t jump in the water, if you can`t swim.`

I want you (I want you) - I want you to straighten out my today -
My tomorrow - my-my-my - my - my
(I want you to straighten out my tomorrow).
On a misty morning, uh! (I want you to straighten out my tomorrow).
Oh-oh oh-oh-oh-oh!
(I want you to straighten out my tomorrow)
Straighten out my tomorrow - my tomorrow! Need some straightenin` out!
(I want you to straighten out my tomorrow)
Mist! Mm. (I want) Mist! (you to straighten out my tomorrow)
Misty! Oh! (I want you to straighten out my tomorrow)
****Robert Nesta Marley****

Unblocking and Realizing: TimeSpace

2003-11-16T13:16:00.000-06:00

"...You must listen to what your dreams tell you. They will guide you..."

so many thoughts, so little time:
how much of that time will I get to prepare myself for what's ahead? today I made one of the biggest decisions I've had to make in sometime. ever had to tell someone that you couldn't do something. well me, i'm used to saying yes-when it comes to family and friends. today was one of those times when i had to say no. no i can't help you out this time. no i can't help save your situation. saying no really took a lot out of me.

what's this all about?: diagnosing the problem
my need to take care of other's situation and my own. except i put my own second to others needs. which has not been the best or smartest thing i've done but we all learn from our mistakes. i like to be of help. my problem is helping people when i have my own shit going on. putting my needs first. that is my issue and no one is to blame except me. "how can you help someone else when you can't help yourself"......words from someone...............well those words were felt moreso today than any other. loud and clear as a matter of fact!

the feelings I have:
mixed. it hurts to not be able but maybe i am helping in another way. could my no possibly be the thing that's needed to make the parties involve make moves? I'd like to think that it will spark some change. that's what my inner voice says to me. but I still can't help my ill feelings- still processing things mentally.

**************************************************************************************
nothing but space...
space all around me..every where I turn to lean there's nothing but space.
vast amounts of space
but so
little

time......
I would've wanted things to be just fine
but space came through and defied my idea
changed their minds
now all I have is space
and little
time

Resurrection the Experience: From the Cradle to the Grave(life ain't eva been easy)

2003-11-15T11:25:00.000-06:00

I was compelled to write after viewing Tupac: Resurrection on last evening. I have a few mixed feelings about the movie and the man but i'm going to try to fit everything here.

After reading a few reviews about the movie I guess at the end of the day I can say that I draw my own conclusions about things. Well isn't that what your supposed to do? I suspect yes we, are but there are so many that get caught up in other people's views, their opinions become yours.....(Ok, I'm touching something else here-later for that). Nevertheless I read one review that really stood out to me. The naiveness of the writer, touching subject matter that I can tell is so foreign to him. But everybody has an opinion. Over time thoughts become dreams, opinions become theories which then turns into a way of life. These are the things that we manifest. Tupac manifested a certain way of thinking and living.

I can remember when Tupac was alive I would watch this brotha on t.v. talking about this and that. But I never knew his struggle, his intentions. His intentions were never really made clear while he was alive. Only out of death has this man been understood fully. Certain images on t.v. or articles in magazines depicted Tupac as a quite complex, angry, talented, big mouth actor with little heart. I disagree only with the no heart sentiment. The film showed many sides of the man we've come to know-from childhood to becoming a man.

Honestly this was one of the better documentaries I've seen about Pac in a while. Believe I've seen many shit...lol God only knows there's like 700 of them between B.I.G. and Pac alone. I like the fact that it was narrated by Pac. Yes the splicing of certain phrases and pictures did start to annoy me but I was fulfilled by the rest of the film. If your going to see this film with the intentions of finding out who and why he was killed then think again......There was little to no clues as to the who's and whats of Pac's murder. Who killed Pac and why? In the words of the slain himself "I don't know".

An excerpt from another review:

The movie bears a superficial resemblance to another vanity piece, THE KID STAYS IN THE PICTURE, but the production values in that mesmerizing movie were dramatically higher.

Ignoring how bad it looks, what does it say? The overly reverential film, told almost exclusively through archival recordings of interviews with Tupac, tries to show him as a sweet guy. The film's imagery suggests that he was something of a god-like figure, offering us images of Christ on the cross. The movie is filled with cheap shots against his many critics.

A man arrested about a dozen times for crimes ranging from jaywalking to shooting people to gang rape, Tupac spent time in jail and in prison. He claims to be innocent of his crimes and throws all of the blame for them on "the system." At one point, he describes his philosophy as, "I am a thug, and I rap about the oppressed fighting back." When confronted with his crimes and actions, his response is, "I don't gotta be a role model." Between his songs that say otherwise, he tells us how much he loves and respects women.

The relatively mundane movie is chock full of little details about his life. He tells us that he lived here and then he lived there and that his father was in prison here. He says that he is especially proud of his mother's having been a Black Panther.

The film is for Tupac's dyed-in-the-wool fans only. And even they may be quite disappointed and downright bored as there is little singing but lots of mindless gabbing.

I say to each his or her own, but if your not familiar with the content study it first before making oneself look like an ass....How would you know what poverty is if you've never lived it, breathed it? You don't, you can get a good idea from my descriptions but you will never feel the pains and ills of that particular society. So, no this critic couldn't even begin to understand how one man with so much power -who then realizes his power could NOT want to be a role model. I've seen this many times, especially with entertainers.

After so many record sales, many articles, many philosophies about things, the world starts to comply with your truth. The truth is felt at most when it appears that there are similarities. So thug niggas around the world heard what this cat said-took to those words thus a following was born. Tupac birthed a revolution of Thug Life shouting, living folk across the world. To have that kind of weight can be an enormous burden.

Shit is deeper than what my man above says. There's more to it than some guy being a rapper selling millions of units, being arrested a few times, shot a few times. As Bjork says, "there's more to life than this."
At least I think so, what about you?

Subject is Dwele: Schizophrenia and the likes of catching a show

2003-11-09T15:34:00.000-06:00

And Slum Village hitting the stage
When: 11/29/03
Where: Deep Ellum Live
Cost: $16.00
Where to cop tickets: Ticketmaster

I'll be in the house with my usuals! Consider this covered by yourn truly.
anybody wanna roll call 555-Nekaybaaw.
All gas donations accepted thru my paypal account..thanks.
lol

Too bad I won't get to catch Baatin doing his thang with SV. Yes I am one of the few that liked Baatin and his hyper/mystical flow.
*sighs*

Calmness is the center

2003-11-07T17:17:00.000-06:00

words
~~
sounds
~~
power
~~

inspired by winter rain showers- 45 degrees next to chilled.
partitioned thoughts kill, even in the furthest distance.
if you just listen

listen...

are you listening
can you hear the sounds?
120 words per second....did you catch them?
naw I bet you weren't listening

words
~~
sound
~~
power
~~

pardon Eye while indulged in this rain shower....................

Revolutions: no this is not a spoiler post...lol

2003-11-07T14:37:00.000-06:00

for those that want to know(::lynne:: peace woman-how u be?....) i am leaving a link here to some reveiws and feelings about Revolutions.

Review Link

i left one link because there are reveiws and links to rolling stone,new york times and dallas morning.

i will personally hold my comments until it is released..wouldn't want to spoil it for anybody.

today's random jawn

2003-11-06T13:09:00.000-06:00

sipping on strawberry/grape juice and eating my daily dosage of pineapple chunks....
not those damn DelMonte shits you get in cans but fresh cut organically grown pineapples.....so ya know they off the map..
i should do ghetto supermarket commercials....lol! i think Mali you should too...you got that ghetto New Orleans venacular..ya hurd me...

working on the day off...i seem to love doing this a lot more than regular days
mainly because of the double pay but i'm also here because we are having a screening of
Revolutions taday at the IMAX....so that's what's up!
i'm going into this one with no expectations...i went to see reloaded with a bunch of them and i
ended up upset. but it do appreciate Reloaded for what it was-the setup for Revolutions.....

The Birth

The Life

and

The Death

the story of life...all life.

I should have much to say after watching so until then

Peace
(pop yo fly collars to dat)

natty pic of the day post

2003-11-04T18:16:00.000-06:00

out of boredom at the jobby job i came across a really great pic of L. Boogie/Ms. Hill. I don't recall ever seeing this one.
do you?
** Mali E. I know your going to right click this one...lol

sorry the pic died

number 1 publicity stunna or no????

2003-11-03T14:59:00.000-06:00

about a week ago i had that oppurtunity to check out Beef.....a documentary style look into some of the most talked about hip hop beefs from Kool Moe Dee/Busy Bee on down to the more recent 50cent/Ja Rule sqabble. this is probably one of the best looks at hip hop beefs ever done. i was really surprised at how this film didn't focus much on the ever so popular Tupac/Biggie--East/West deal. kind of refreshing to not have to sit through yet another look at pac and big's death. i'm tired of seeing these mc's names being marketed and slandared. let em rest in peace please!

the point of all this:
coming across recent interveiws and articles about 50 and Ja., supposedly Minister Farrakhan reached out to both artists in hopes of getting both together to sqash the alleged beef. "As far as me meeting with Farrakhan...it's not happening," 50 told Washington D.C.'s 93.9 WKYS. "I respect [Farrakhan] and all that but it ain't going down. Ja put himself in the position he's in and he's doing whatever he can for publicity."

now i don't know about you but to me this screams bloody publicity stunt. especially with the release of Ja's new album, Blood in My Eye, set to release tomorrow. funny isn't it! what's even more hilarious is the fact that 50 declined to meet. here is where the shit gets ill for me....in no way am i supporting any kind of beef between these 2 gentlemen mainly because we've already seen this shit get violent. there's only a few other things that could happen at this point.

initally i took this beef as a joke.. i thought maybe this was some kind of lovers quarrel or something. lol! im so serious. everything about this screams a scorn lover. call it what you like but i just call it like i see it. anyway Ja's interveiw with Farrakhan is supposed to air tonight on MTV @ 7 p.m. ET and on MTV2 at 11 p.m.
ET.

is it me or am i the only who finds ja rule to be a complete ass itch! don't get me wrong 50 irks me about the same. but what i come to respect about 50, is his mind. and how it works in the game of hip hop. in order to survive the industry he knew what it took and who to make his shit pop. you gotta love that. plus his strategy at targeting the top 10 mc's with his lyrics. gotta respect that too... if i come out and say some shit bout Jay-Z and get his attention-that lets me know im doing something right. plus everyone recognizes you-thus your famous! in that sense i have come to respect the man and his strategies.

who's checking for this shizzle?

::Other Related Links::

Final Call Article
MTV News Article

feast of samhain:halloween-it's origin and symbols

2003-10-31T14:53:00.000-06:00

During the 4th Century A.D., Roman Emperor, Constantine The Great (Reign 324-327 AD) declared Christianity as lawful. The spread of Christianity was slow due to pagan beliefs—rituals and practices of the masses. The heads of the church embarked on a mission to stamp out other pagan religions. The Celts religious beliefs were too much for the Christians, so they compromised by giving the Celts’ rituals and holidays new meanings and names. The Christian’s All Saints Day was originally celebrated on May 1. This day honored early Christian martyrs. Another name for All Saints Day allowed for the idolatrous Celtics (now Christians) to still celebrate on the Feast of Samhain (lord of the dead)! Now on October 31st this became “ALL HALLOWS EVE” which was later shortened to HALLOWEEN.

WITCHES are the most popular symbol of Halloween. She is depicted as an old woman, walking bent over with a black hat and a long cloak. She is usually seated upon a broom stick and has her favorite companion at her side, the black cat.
That, however, is merely an imaginary picture of the witch, for as you will see, witches can be your next door neighbor, the friendly bus driver, or your sophisticated banker.

WITCHCRAFT THE OLD RELIGION
“Witchcraft,” the “old religion” is as old as mankind. The word witch is derived from the Anglo-Saxon word “wit” which means wise. Witchcraft consists of the use of sorcery, spells and magic. The craft stems from Ancient Pagan religions that worshipped the elements of nature.

OWLS were considered to be creatures of evil by the ancient Romans. It was believed that witches were able to transform themselves into Owls. An Owls erie shrieks on a lonely night would send any traveler swiftly on his journey.
The Spanish word for owl “Bruja” also means witch. Like bats, owls are nocturnal and their eyes are objects of fear, mystery and legend.

JACK-O-LANTERN
Centuries ago, these lights were attributed to Lantern Men, often called Hob-O-Lantern, Jack-O-Lantern, Will-O-Wisp or Will. Many superstitions were made because of a lack of overstanding of the causes of the light. It was believed to be souls of the sinner who were condemned to walk the Earth until the end of time.
One such legend came from an old Irish story about a man named Stringy Jack who liked to play tricks on the evil one. He tricked the evil one into promising not to claim his soul. When Jack appeared at the gates of (so-called, unproven) hell, they turned him away.

As Scotish and Irish people migrated to America they discovered the pumpkin which they found to be an excellent substitute for their customary turnip. The pumpkins became the perfect Jack-O-Lantern and has been used ever since.

Source::Halloween, The Evil One’s Sabbath

news flash*****

2003-10-28T10:07:00.000-06:00

ARMY using hip-hop to recruit"
eastern campuses over the next week, and generate thousands of leads to help meet its goal of about 100,000 recruits a year.

About a dozen guys with baggy pants and smooth strides signed on to compete in the rap contest at College Park and dozens more signed up for the magazine. But when it came to the idea of joining the Army, most of the students said thanks, but no thanks.

Asked why he signed up for information about service in the Army, Wayne Paik, a 19-year-old electrical engineering major explained, "I did it for the magazine."

Army recruiters weren't discouraged by the lukewarm response.

The fact that the Army was there at all marks an important change in the way it markets itself,
said Col. Thomas Nickerson, the Army's director of strategic outreach.

"We're trying to reach quality men and women, and we cannot do the same thing we've been doing for years," Nickerson said. "We've got to be innovative in our approach. We have to be relevant to segments of the market we want to reach."

Nickerson said the Army is already doing well attracting minorities. About 26.8 of those serving
are African-American (11.9 percent are officers) and 8.9 percent are Hispanic (4.3 percent are
officers.). But the service faces constant competition for recruits, he noted.

Some campuses have resisted military recruiters, even as their students face a tough job market. If potential recruits have been put off by the simmering conflict in Iraq, the lousy economy was
more than making up for that, Nickerson said.

Just how successful the recruiting effort at College Park was won't be known for some time, after a target of 2,500 leads are gathered and some are "converted" into recruits, Nickerson said.

There was no hard sell from the Army yesterday. The recruiters, dressed in their civvies and The
Source, brought a collection of young black men and women dressed in Army jerseys to collect the names.

If some of the students weren't thrilled about the possibility of military service, they were impressed by the Army's effort to be relevant.

"I like the idea of the Army seeking a variety of people. They're blending cultures," Paik said.

That was the idea three years ago when the Army dumped its long-running "Be All You Can Be" slogan in favor of "Army of One," a modern tag line created by the Chicago advertising giant Leo Burnett under a multiyear $150 million marketing contract.

The Army doesn't want to give the impression that it's loosening the discipline or encouraging dissent. Rather, it's promoting the idea that each person plays a vital role in the success if the team, Nickerson said.

As part of that effort, Burnett subcontracted with an African-American-focused public relations firm, New York-based Vital Marketing Group, to target minorities. Vital signed a partnership with The Source.

After the Campus Combat contests, other direct mail and online-oriented marketing will be developed at a cost to the Army of about $800,000.

Other partnerships will take the Army into new territory, including NASCAR.

If the Maryland students were sure they would not join the ranks, they were happy to have a free magazine or Army sweat band or T-shirt. Others came to hear their friends freestyle on stage. One winner from each school will be written about in the magazine and receive an outfit from Azzure clothing company.

A Source promoter said about 30 students participated in the contest on the Campus Combat's first stop at the University of Pittsburgh and another 250 signed up for Army information (and the magazine). He expected about the same numbers form Maryland.

The magazine ran radio ads and handed out fliers for about two days before the College Park events, which also included evening concerts.

"We're looking for the next Biggie Smalls, and the Army is looking to increase its popularity among people of ethnicity," said Ousmane Sam, the mobile promotional director and the event's host. "I think we'll both reap the benefits here."

The Army plans to send information and have a recruiter call after the event to tell the students
about the "skills training" and "travel and adventure" as well as the $50,000 available for educational purposes and $65,000 to pay back student loans.

Recruits can sign up for as little as 15 months.

Companies trying a new ad technique typically start in a few markets and then expand if sales are good, said John McLaughlin, a Baltimore-based marketing consultant. In the Army's case, the new markets will be other college campuses.

But will it work?

"No matter what you're selling, you don't talk the corporate bit, you have to make them feel there is real rapport," he said. "They seem like they have a sound approach. We'll see how many conversions they get from their leads."

Not everyone believes the Army should be successful.

Rep. Charles B. Rangel, a New York Democrat, introduced legislation in January to reinstate the draft largely because he believes the poor and minorities are represented in the military at rates above their numbers in the general population.

In a statement, Rangel said one of his objectives is "to make it clear that, if there is a war, there should be a more equitable representation of all classes of Americans making the sacrifice for this great country."

Copyright (c) 2003, The Baltimore Sun

highroscope

2003-10-27T13:53:00.000-06:00

Your Horoscope for October 27, 2003
ARIES

No matter how active and outgoing an Aries you may happen to be, this is the ideal time of year to direct your energy inward and try a bit of introspection and self-analysis. If you meditate on your problems as the week begins, they are less likely to be problems as the week wears on. Think before you act and your efforts will be more productive.

::..reflection eyeternal..:: rotation-speed up

2003-10-26T11:27:00.000-06:00

it's been quite some time since i've been home and i must say i am truly missing those green trees, red dirt, brothas in Cadillac's and green grass....these are some of the things i see that remind me of home.

on another note you must be careful of what you ask for and put out into the universe. because it will be fulfilled. as of lately i had been complaining about my job-the schedule and what not. random complaints mainly because i want change to take place. taking a job for less pay- crazy work hours does take it's toll on you. i tend to feel that i have less time to spend on my own projects. i've been motivated to doing things and change but it's a slow process which forever humbles me. now i do realize that i could be in a far worse situation. but it doesn't stop me from feeling these things. i give thanks for the now.

pardon i as i jump in and out of thoughts...............
next

i think back to how i was raised to be this independent woman-one that can do a lot of things on her own. but part of me lately has been wishing i wasn't so independent and that someone could or would take care of me. this has also been a pattern in past relationships. a pattern well worth breaking. because it is nice to have that same dependancy from your sig other. i can remember since the age of 10 i began taking care of myself in certain areas. i am that oldest child- so i carried much weight for many years...taking care of my brother and sister. my mom made sure that i knew how to cook, iron, change diapers, clean and a host of other shit. and i am so grateful for that! on the flip shit got a lil twisted when those same ideals were not instilled in my brother and sister in the same manner. i can recall feeling so helpless and boggled down with chores and shit and my siblings would be playing and chillin...lol.
i was mad jealous that they got to just be........no matter though we remained close even though i'd beat my brothers ass almost everyday...lol. but it brings me to present day-yo i remember when my brother first went off to college. that fool called home to ask ma how the fuck to register for classes....lol. i was thinking you lame jerk-u cant even register on your own....DeepENDANT!

im trying to figure what went wrong in my fam to where it has my mom so sick-hospitalized even as i write this....not that strong woman who raised me to reach for whatever dreams i had. it makes me especially sad to see her so tired...tired to move and reach for something other than nothing at all...sometimes i think if i were home then shit wouldn't be this bad....my brother's not helping the situation when he doesn't really aspire to do shit himself...and my mom sees that and im sure she thinks.... "where did i go wrong".....but would i be balanced by being home tending to my family's issues when i have my own? im confused at the thought really. but i do understand what balance is. and there have been times when i wasn't so balanced when it came to dealing with fam. fam has a way of influencing me from me. but this isn't about me- i be-lieve that life has nothing to do with me personally....it's moreso about how i influence and help others. this is how im judged in the EYE of the Creator....humbling thyself to an idea of serving and doing God's work. thus removing the focus from me. i am only a vessel through which the flow of God runs through. wishing well.

what i've devised is a plan to stay on my mom- helping her reach mental and physical clarity-in any way i can. i will call and just stay on her ass..thats what a daughter should do i believe..stay on my sister's ass and my brother. well i've got to really talk to my brother because he's a grown ass man..time to start behaving as one. we are all each other has and if we dont respect and love that it dies....sooner than expected.

still reflecting and praying for my family...all guidance and prayers are needed.
Power's in numbers

don't need no hateration (c) mary j. blige

2003-10-21T14:00:00.000-05:00

when a given norm is changed
in the face of the unchanging, the
remaining contradictions will
parallel the truth ' - Saul Williams

whats with all the ursula rucker hate? i've got to cop this cd to see what all the hate is about.....

esoteric shit....

2003-10-21T13:38:00.000-05:00

cool shit...my music tastes seem to vary....not so much as new but cool tunes and what not..check fa me!

just figured i'd share

nitin sawhney

ugggh what?

2003-10-18T13:52:00.000-05:00

audio post powered by audblog

sorry bout the spit factor....lol. my headset was alil too close to the mic....hey ya!

::master your own bation:: this means you!

2003-10-18T12:38:00.000-05:00

casually and calmly is the mental for the day.

while on my way to work this morning totally engaged by the sounds of Ice Cold-Andre 3000's Vibrate...i got to thinking about the symbolism in this song...which can be taken in many different forms....One could be the sexual undertone...the other could be the need to make change.....well for me.....my sexual energy was challenged. kind of sucks it happended on the way to work...how weird is that? just the thought of playing with my own score sheet has been a taboo type thang.....that i'd never put much energy into until i got older. just the thought of masterbation made me uneasy at a young age....i was never really taught about masterbation and people's need for it. sexual liberation is what i've lack for some time....not saying that i am not a sexual being- i think i made my transition a little later than most young ladies. nevertheless i've made do......

why is the topic of sex so taboo amoung americans...especially black americans. we tend to shy away from actually teaching our kids about sex..but yet we sell it like it's the greatest thing around. i've often wondered why my mother taught me about sex but didn't really spend much time talking about masterbation.....i tend to believe i would've been more of a free spirit if i'd explored my sexual side much earlier....not necessarily having sex but just talking to different people and sharing my experiences....not to mention being molested at the age of 9 really didnt help too much.....and it wasn't until i was 18 that i actually acknowledged that i'd been molested. that was one of the most hardest things to digest. i was left confused about my sexuality. i wasn't sure that i should share it...then there's the stay a virgin till marriage thing....well that was my philosophy for majority of my life until the summer of 97. that's when i met a certain woman...an older woman at that!

need i say more on that subject...well just a little..she opened doors inside of me that i didnt know were there. i was intrigued...never b4 had i thought about another woman but oh well shit happens...that was my thinking then and still is....so skip hop to years later-a couple of same sex relationships later....after all of my confusion about who i was...i can finally say that i have opened to the idea of masterbation, porn and some other things as well outside of sex. oh and i will say that i'm a porn enthusist...har har ha!!! yes indeed i got that jake steed if that's what you need.....lol

on a serious note im open at this point to what life brings me. whether it's masterbation, same sex relations or whatever im better equipped at handling these situations...why yes there are things that i haven't explored....maybe i will maybe i won't but im open too....so we shall see what's in place for I.

how in the hell did i get to this place.....damn i started out talking bout masterbation ...now i den left the can open....lol uggh yeah and please refrain from asking me questions about me being with men...because i love the brothas....mos def got dammit!! like i said im open. so it is what it has been and what it will be. until Maxwell or Andre or Julian Marley calls me back i don't know what to do.......hehe

i got a secret.....Im sorta attracted to that dude Avant....he's kinda sexy or sumthyn huh?
or is it jus me....

i need a lift.....peace

ignorant rantings reward of the day goes too:

2003-10-17T14:07:00.000-05:00

a brother who calls himself ALLAH...need i say more..this is only to provide an example of the ignorance displayed on okayplayer.com:

stupid shit of the day

if you didn't know before I tend to run those individuals out of boards and chats that come in with that bullshit talk.....talk talk talk....all we do is talk about how this is wrong or stupid but provide NO insight as to what is supposedly right! I am appauled that this brother is calling himself Allah...the only thing the post wanted was some form of reasoning so that they too can understand what he says he does..Where's Sincere at when ya need him.....talk to me man!

therapy....the experience

2003-10-16T11:24:00.000-05:00

I'm a little late when it comes to pampering myself. I mean I never really considered getting pampered in any way. well I like when it's time for me to twist my locs a little bit. which is a task that I like to have someone do for me. mainly because it feels great. not sure if the other person gets as much enjoyment as I do...lol! but just know it is appreciated and loved. outside of getting my hair twisted-which isn't too often, I haven't experienced getting my nails did, or hair did on a regular, toes nutting like that.......not until yesterday..........

I actually stepped out on a limb and I got a massage. like a real live massage-not the in thebedroomrightbeforeyougetsomeass massage...lol one of my friends in Dallas is a massage therapist. luckily she had an open spot-she invited me for a free massage!!!

the actual experience was cool....yes I mean it was cool-no cold as old grits that's been sitting on the stove all day..I was freezing my lil 5'2 body off.....outside of that-it was probably one of the best things to happen to me in a while. she's really great because she also offers herbal remedies and advice. A little something extra that I certainly appreciate. she did show concearn for the left side of my body-my neck and shoulders. nevertheless, I have a lot of stones in that area-stress buildup im assuming. but I did promise to take better care of my body and mind. which is a promise that I made too myself as well.
got to start eating better as well....but anyways I'm going to make this a regular 2 week thing...so if your in the Dallas area and you need to get the massage thing on......holla at me to get at her and she'll hook ya right on up

giving thanks-modified version 2

2003-10-15T16:59:00.000-05:00

in the spirit of yesterday's post about the blog cummiunity i received some dope responses.
one of which struck a chord with me.....see this is why you are down with me...and sometimes you tend to complete my thoughts. or call me out on the things i've missed. good ole Mali E./Tren/Bosslady

just like everything else in life there are the positive and negative aspects of the www. it's perfectly okay when people are using the "web" as a tool for learning, growth, networking, building, etc., however it's not okay to become overly consumed in it or maybe i should say tangled in it . Life calls for balance and just as we can come together and build communities on line we should be able to do the same offline. We should be able to reflect whatever lives inside of us that is revealed "online" "offline". I big up the truth and so often truth get's twisted in lies.. Respect to those who are real in cyberworld and the real world as well..

which me brings me to think of what weighs most. balance. being able to balance in both worlds. i tend to not find this commonality in board posts or posters. you know boards where people can post comments regarding certain topics. what comes to mind is okayplayer.com. really cool site i must say and it is imformative, but most of the information has been overshawdowed by brainless posts about this or that. i myself have posted many times on that board...but the random posts about who's elite and who's not, why this artist isn't what or who they say they are......basically it's just plain tiresome. i used to visit OK back in the day before it was taken over and i could go there meet cool people-build relationships and exchange. not anymore-well not unless you happen to run into someone thats independant of all the bullshit. im sadden by the behaviors people tend to put out in cyberspace.....you have the cyber elite, cyber thugs, cyber bitches and hoes, internet chat geeks, backpackers, overall haters,johnny come lately fans....by the way these are labels that these people have placed on themselves...lol i've seen it....

ok my concentration has been ruined/cutoff by havinng to train someone today......so i will contiue this on tomorrow
blah

giving thanks

2003-10-14T13:30:00.000-05:00

what moves me:
seeing black people actually using the web to converse, share ideas, thoughts, NETworking and building relationships. there was a time when i only saw the net for being just that a NET. WORLD WIDE WEB....just tangling fools up in all types of bullshit. but there is a higher standard circulating and becoming very popular. that is BLOGGING!

blogging amoung black people has become very popular and insightful. Wow! we have a lot to say and this is one the best platforms there is to express oneself. i have travelled all around this web, not until about a year ago i started noticing this trend. journal-web blogging....diary writing whatever you label it as...i see the good in it. i see the visions that people have. i get to find out who people really are beneath all the labels and preconcieved notions.

over the past year i have engaged in many conversations via blogs. some of the most enlightening and entertaining i must say. there are some blogs that i tend to visit on a regular basis depending on the connection i may feel for the s o u l behind the words. it is amazing how fast this thing has spread. very uplifting to know that i'm not the only person out there with certain feelings as it applies to different topics. i do believe that this is moreso about sharing and building relationships within our community.

and i may have started to rant and rave on and on...but so what these are my thoughts and this is my journal....lol

uh huh i see you...as i admire
know that it is out of respect
for you and what you stand for
seen

give thanks

catching hell

2003-10-13T13:00:00.000-05:00

..ok im about to pull out my hair because i'm only trying to change my frikking background to WHITE....
dammit can't a sis just change things around if she please......

insight
insight
please

did she really say fuck it?

2003-10-12T10:24:00.000-05:00

did ms. hill really say fuck it or are "we" the fans just holding limitations and expectations over her head, just as we've down to countless others.

could lauryn's need for change or attaining a certain spiritual growth become grounds for saying "she's lost it" or "she's a has been in the business." one thing for sure is after reading Toure's article on Lauryn Hill I can honestly say that I gained no more insight on her than I already had. I'm really appauled at the way this article was contrived. No real basis to go on, only speculation from past friends and associates. Not one real interview with Lauryn. Then it goes on to even more speculation about her relationship with Rohan Marley and Wyclef Jean.

i've veiwed many different sites and i've seen many different emotions displayed regarding the interview. how one could actually call that article a "great read" beats me. I guess if you only invest in reading Sister 2 Sister or any tabloid yeah I can see why you thought that was the bomb. I do believe all the hoopla is moreso about the writer than the actual factuals that's been expressed. I admire Toure and his writing style, which is why i'm concearned about this half written piece. In this case i totally understand Lauryns sentiments when she said "I am not available for free interviews at this time," "The only interviews I will consider are those that amply compensate me for my time, energy and story." It was signed "Ms. Hill." She asks for money, friends say, because she feels she's been exploited by the media and the record industry. DUH! you think she hasn't been exploited....if you don't then this interview is prime example of explotation at it's best.

i'm not sure what the future holds for ms. hill, but i'm sure that she has taken full steps in regaining control of her life. as for fans and writers we do tend to think "we know" the artists inside and out..most of us are guilty of this- i am, you are, they are, he is and so is she. mindfull of others is the key-also would you like someone speculating and criticizing you? check your actions-i'm checking mine.

last thing- what did bother me was the frequent association she has to a "Brother Anthony," this bothers me for some reason. Reminds me of that guy that always followed Black around in the movie CB4. talking about he was his spiritual advisor...lol! but in essence he's the spiritual pimp...pimping the shit out dude's pockets and resources. ok im done with that!

bitch syndrome.....

2003-10-10T16:51:00.000-05:00

xcuse me i know your trying to find your way but
who put the thorns up your ass????

who the hell left the gate open